The 26th Bestofme Symphony is up at Book of Life. Join our host Denny for a tour of the best in the Blogosphere.
Hosting: Would you like to host the Symphony? Send me a note and I'll get you on the schedule.
Submit to the Symphony: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission help. Entries should always be sent to bestofme@jpeacock.net regardless of who the Symphony host is.
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Flaming Asshole Award Reassigned
It turns out that Daniel Watts is the likely victim here and the flaming ass is the Associated Press. Daniel commented and emailed regarding his treatment by the press:
As I learned during the gubernatorial race, the media has a tendency to take everything I say out of context.
Some of the articles have misquoted me as saying that the video "is not a big deal."
It IS a big deal. Anyone dying in Iraq is a big deal. What the media blew out of proportion was the attempted showing of the Nick Berg video on Library Walk on Tuesday (by another student, not me); the video wasn't even shown, but the media hung out for 2 hours to interview the guy.
There are multiple reasons to show the video. The main one is that photos of Iraqi prisoner abuse have been plastered all over the newspapers and Internet, but the media have not gone to similar lengths to try to give the same attention to an even worse crime committed AGAINST Americans. The media's coverage of the Abu Ghraib prison abuse is slanted; they will show graphic photos of prisoners being mauled, humiliated, etc. but they won't show even worse atrocities committed by the terrorists.
I'm sorry the story you read portrayed me unfairly. If I've learned anything it's that the media selectively choose what to include in their stories.
Sincerely,
Daniel Watts
Thusly it is that the Flaming Asshole Trophy is reclaimed from Daniel Watts and bestowed instead upon the Associated Press, long may their gasseous discharges burn.
You know how at the end of every commercial that contains a promo there's the little speech by the guy who talks too fast to understand? So that the commercial for BRAND NEW FORD TRUCKS FIFTY-NINE DOLLARS DOWN FIFTY-NINE DOLLARS A MONTH FIVE THOUSAND MINIMUM ON YOUR TRADE-IN PUSH PULL OR DRAG IT IN BAD CREDIT NO CREDIT BANKRUPTCY WE DON'T CARE WE'LL FINANCE YOU OR MAY SATAN DRIVE A RED HOT POKER UP OUR POOP CHUTE AND LET MICHAEL MOORE TICKLE OUR BALLS might be followed with some-restrictions-may-apply-offer-not-valid-in-contiguous-forty-eight-states-alaska-hawaii-or-any-protectorate-or-territory-of-the-united-states-the-term-brand-new-describes-models-from-nineteen-twenty-or-later-the-term-fifty-nine-dollars-is-nineteen-twenty-equivalent-dollars-equaling-current-amount-of-six-hundred-fifty-nine-dollars-and-seventy-four-cents-we-are-under-no-obligation-to-finance-your-broke-ass-or-give-you-anything-for-that-piece-of-shit-you-are-driving-satan-and-michael-moore-can-both-lick-our-ballsweat or something remarkably similar.
Well last night I saw an ad for Heineken and they're giving away music, sort of how Pepsi did it recently. Code or whatever is in the box, go to Real and get a free tune. Mister Talks Too Fast mentioned something about "two free in every twelve pack" and then "no purchase necessary to win". I immediately thought "Bingo! Free beer!" Go and point out their gaff and demand some free twelve packs, right? Well as you can imagine I was sorely disappointed in that effort. I did however find out how to get the tunes without buying the beer. In retribution for so cruelly crushing my hopes I want each and every one of you to follow these instructions and get some free music. I want an Instalanche and whatever other 'lanches I can get. Spread the word, share the glory. Pay these monsters back for teasing me by getting free music and making them pay for it. Join the new revolution!
TO RECEIVE YOUR UNIQUE PIN CODE WITHOUT BEER PURCHASE (good for 2 downloads except in PA where 2 PIN codes will be supplied for a total of 4 downloads), send a self-addressed, stamped envelope and a 3x5 card with your name, complete address including zip code (no P.O. Boxes), daytime telephone number with area code and date of birth to Heineken Music Download Offer, P.O. Box 7430, Wilton, CT 06897-7430. Requests must be postmarked no later than 7/30/04 and received no later than 8/6/04. Limit one PIN code request per envelope, individual, household, family or address. Neither Sponsor nor RealNetworks are responsible for lost, illegible, incomplete, late, postage-due or misdirected mail. Please allow 2-3 weeks for delivery of PIN code without beer purchase. Delivery cannot be guaranteed unless you include a zip code. No P.O. Boxes accepted.
Attention Heineken: I'll call off the attack dogs if you send me a coupon for a free 12 pack.
Get your submissions in for the next Bestofme Symphony. Send them to bestofme@jpeacock.net and they'll be in Monday's edition at Book of Life.
Please note that the autoresponse you are used to receiving may not be working. The emails themselves are getting through, it’s just not sending out the confirmations.
The only requirements are that you think the post is good and that it be at least 2 months old. It doesn't even have to be from your own blog. It just can't get any simpler!
The basics of the Bestofme Symphony.
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A post over at A Small Victory (It's about an article in the New York Times that basically equates bloggers with underarm dandruff. Michele rips it apart really nicely - you should read it.) prompted me to do a comparison check on my Sitemeter Recorded vs. Actual visitors. For ZeroIntelligence.net I came up with these:
Visits* recorded by Sitemeter: 66,411
Actual visits** from log analysis: 136,362
* Site Meter defines a visit as a series of page views by one person with no more than 30 minutes in between page views.
** A visitor is counted only when bringing up more than one page and taking no longer than 30 minutes between individual pages.
So Sitemeter is trying to count more sessions as visits (criteria of one page view versus a criteria of two or more page views) but is actually ending up with less than half (49%) of the actual visits.
Does anybody else out there have actual numbers they can compare to see what percentage of their visits are getting recorded by Sitemeter?
It's important to stay the course but if the course you're on is the wrong course and it's heading for the shoals, it's pretty smart to turn the rudder and change course. Staying the course is one thing, but if it's the wrong course, it's not a sign of strength, it's a sign of reckless stubbornness. --John Kerry
If you aren't achieving your goals you should reevaluate your plan and make changes as necessary. --Me
When I got home last night Lovely Wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So I took her to the gas station.
Ba dum bum
(Disclaimer: In real life that's probably the second to last thing you'd ever hear from my Lovely Wife. The very last thing being along the lines of "I certainly am enjoying this ninety-five degree weather" or something similar. And the joke was from Dopple-G anyway so blame him not me, m'kay Sweetie?)
It's been a while since I've been able to do a Cheddar X but that's okay - it just means this is a rare and valuable cheese. This week's Cheddar is political in nature but Johnny did an excellent job of not making them leading questions. Here goes:
The funniest thing I've read in ... hmmm ... it might be the funniest period. I'll have to get back to you on that.
Anyway, Ilyka pointed out this post where Ace of Spades shares his adventures in matching whore levels with the Washingtonienne. Specifically, he needed deviant sex with six people that earns at least $400. This excerpt falls just after Ace laments that he is short of his goal by two partners:
Invincible girl did and she's encouraging you to do the same.
I guess what I’m really trying to say, and badly, is that no matter how much you protest that you can’t stand any of it, I bet you can. What, are you that one guy who actually didn’t like the O Brother soundtrack? You can hear “9 to 5” and not feel incredibly awesome? You really don’t think you’d ever want a CD for road trips that had “On the Road Again”? You don’t fucking dig the shit out of the theme song to Dukes of Hazzard?
I don't like most country but I-girl is right - there are some bits and pieces that are the shiznit.
No, I said 'heroine', not 'heroin'. Now drop the needle.
Tiffani is back from her sojourn to the fabulous Playa de Corriente Riviera Océano Inca Iberio Maya Vacaciones resort. That's in Mexico, y'all.
Go see her vacation report including details of tokillya overconsumption, crazy midnight nude romps in the surf and a picture where the only clothing you can see on her is a couple inches of fabric strategically covering one of her womanly bits. (Yeah, I'm Harvey baiting. So what?)
Sounds like Tiffani had a wild time in ol' Mexico!
Yet another anonymous comment troll has been corrected. It's the one with today's date, obviously.
This is pretty fun actually. Usually when I edit things I have to be serious.
Talk about a recipe for a high powered interview. Try a liberal Canadian interviewing a self-made conservative American rocker. And just for shits and giggles, make it a political interview.
BW&BK: "Do you think Americans are as free as they think they are?"
JS: "Um... yeah, I do. In most ways. If you're saying you should be able to drink when you're 16 years old like you can in Germany, is that the kind of freedoms you're talking about?"
BW&BK: "Well, sometimes Americans believe they're very free, when they're sometimes not. There are a lot of authors, especially a guy like Noam Chomsky, who believes a lot of consent in the US is manufactured by politicians and corporations --"
JS: "Talk about one of the fuckin' ultra leftist spin doctors of the world, Noam Chomsky. You buy into that crap?"
BW&BK: "Well, I read a lot of his stuff."
JS: "But do you believe it all?"
BW&BK: "I have a degree in political science, so I believe some of it."
JS: "Hmm. Yeah. Well. And how old are you?"
BW&BK: "I'm 22."
JS: "22 years old? That's a lot of wisdom there! Come on, man. You know where I live? In the real world. When I was 16 years old I was living in abandoned houses and making my way into a career. Building things up from nothing without any kind of... well... socialist system to help me. That made me a very strong, independent person. I'm an independent thinker. Just because I get certain things shoved down my throat, I don't follow. I lead. Y'know what I'm saying? I look at the facts, and I base my opinions on the facts. Not the political rantings of someone like Noam Chomsky. I've got some of his books in my library. I think they're unbelievably over-the-top, like dangerously so. But that's you've got out there."
(Hat tip to Jen and Blogless Pete)
Shocking news, y'all. Spanky the Clown has been arrested on child pornography charges. Nambla the Strongman and Buttfuck the Lion Tamer are also under suspicion.
(Hat tip to FlipExpress, formerly Delusional Duck, formerly Phillip Coons, formerly Delusional Duck again. I'm waiting a week before I change my blogroll ;-)
So I was over at Ryan's place reading about his Unreal Tournament experiences when an offhand comment about Maude Flanders got me to thinking. What's with the 'e' at the end of 'Maude'? It doesn't serve any real purpose. You don't pronounce it at all and it doesn't modify the other vowels. Why not 'Maud'? Isn't it just a tad pretentious to be adding extra letters onto a name and not even pretending to use them? Maybe I should go by 'Jime' and if people tried to use that 'e' to make a long I-sound I'd get all condescending on them like "Look you plebian, the 'e' is silent" and I'd be all looking down my nose at them (I might have to lean pretty far back to do that because I'm short but that'll just add to the pretentious effect) and I'd be all dismissive and "whatever" towards them.
Jackasses can't even pronounce my damn name? Screw 'em!
... and orders a beer. As he's waiting for his drink he hears a voice say "Nice shirt Buddy". He looks around but doesn't see anybody except the bartender.
"Hey, barkeep, who just said that?" he asks.
The bartender replies "Oh, it's just the peanuts. They're complimentary."
(Ba-dum-bum)
I've found the story of one torture victim and it truly is horrible. Here are the highlowlights:
... forcing him to strip, eat chalk, and chew cigarette ends.
They are accused of a wide range of offences including causing bodily harm and coercion over beatings inflicted on the victim from September last year.
Prosecutors say the victim's [peers] knew about or were involved in what they call the "systematic torture" that began two weeks after he arrived at the institution.
The alleged acts include forcing the [victim] to expose his genitals, and punching or beating him with objects including sticks and a screwdriver.
The alleged abusers videotaped their actions...some of the pictures were distributed on the internet.
Prosecutors say the [alleged abusers] have all confessed but one of the defence lawyers...said none had been able to explain why they acted as they did.
The four alleged ringleaders have been in custody since early February.
...
The victim, who is undergoing therapy, was not present for Tuesday's hearing but has been asked to give evidence next week.
And if that's what the Europeans are doing at their vocational schools then God only knows what they're doing in their prisons.
The students, aged 16 to 18, allegedly beat and kicked their 17-year-old victim...
They were all students at a vocational school in Hildesheim, near Hanover, on a one-year course to prepare them for jobs.
(Hat tip to Angelfire)
Claire sent me a link to this little gem (drink alert!) at Joe's Blog. I'm declaring Joe the belated winner of Spooge On Michael Moore Friday.
Not only that, but Joe gets fast tracked onto the old Blogroll. Funny, occasionally poignant, short posts, humorous photoshopping...what's not to love? Welcome aboard, Joe. Please go see The Bartender about that template though, m'kay?
I had the weirdest dream last night...
I was falling through the air, the wind ripping at my clothes, blinding me and whipping my hair about. I vaguely remembered a fight on the airplane and sabotaging it so the people on board (terrorists I think) would die. I was falling and perfectly calm, with no parachute. Then I remembered that I had thrown the only parachute out of the plane before the fight. I had to catch up to it now.
I caught a glimpse of it tumbling far below and behind me and I angled myself to catch it, just like James Bond. In my head I was processing my fall: attitude, altitude, trajectory, velocity, overtake, you name it. I was processing the parachute's fall too, especially how it's terminal velocity and relative speed were changing as it tumbled. It made the numbers jiggly to follow but I was running them like my brain was some sort of supercomputer (not that this should surprise any of you).
To reiterate, I wasn't frightened at all. In fact I didn't think about the fall itself at all, just the mathematical construct of the variables and effects of it. An image coalesced in my mind's eye that represented my reaching the parachute in time to secure it and deploy it safely. It was a tesseract and as my chances of survival dropped, the tesseract collapsed on itself.
As I slowly gained on the parachute I saw the ground gaining definition as it rushed up toward me. I watched as the tesseract inexorably drew in upon itself. I caught the tumbling parachute, oriented on it and put my right arm through a strap. I spun around to let the wind carry the parachute into place and put my left arm through. The tesseract was almost flat as I buckled the harness in place and grabbed the rip cord. The tesseract was flat. I pulled the cord.
And an anvil popped out, a la Wiley Coyote, and took up position a few feet above my head. I crossed my arms and got a foul look on my face. I rolled my eyes, said "fuck it" and woke up.
Damned roadrunners.
POINTS: 3 points to the first person to name the group that sang the title to this post. No searching please.
Q: I stumbled across the original post by Jim while searching "wet dreams" on the internet. I'm 40 years old, and I haven't had any kind of a dream in a very long time, but I'd really love to. Is there any way to force your self to have some kind of a wet dream- either peeing or ejaculating?-Dry in Denver
A: There sure is, DID. Your best bet would be to drink as much apple juice and water (about a 50/50 mix) as you can (without vomiting, of course) before going to bed. After about 45 minutes have your partner pour tepid (tepid means slightly warmer than you) water over your hand. If you don't start peeing from that then your partner should pour it over your groin. This way even if you never actually piss yourself you can still pretend that you did.
Along the same vein if you can't ever seem to achieve an ejaculatory dream you could simulate the effects of one by having some guy jerk off on you while you sleep.
Judges are supposed to have absolutely no place in creating laws. The way its supposed to work is that the Legislature makes laws, the Executive (Pres) enforces laws and the Judiciary makes sure that the laws are legal. That's worked really well for a very long time.
Judicial activism is what happens when rulings from the bench create de facto laws. By blatant abuse of their powers, judges take on the properties of the Executive and the Legislature. This is bad. What you have here is the body that is supposed to be a check against the creation of bad laws acting AS a body creating laws. You also get the beginnings of an oligarchy as the 9 unelected members of the Supreme Court (appointed for life, remember) become the first word on laws as well as the last word.
So judicial activism is a very bad thing and it must be stopped. The Legislature has a plan that nominally addresses the problem on the way to doubling it. The Congressional Accountability for Judicial Activism Act of 2004 would let them overturn Judicial decisions.
Let's review - the problem is that the Judiciary is using assumed powers to create laws. Congress' answer is to grant themselves veto power over the Judiciary. Put another way, in order to stop the Judiciary from creating as well as judging laws, Congress wants to give themselves the exact same set of powers.
Fucking morons.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
The 25th Bestofme Symphony is up at WOLves. Join our host Trudy for a tour of the best in the Blogosphere.
Hosting: Would you like to host the Symphony? Send me a note and I'll get you on the schedule.
Submit to the Symphony: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission help. Entries should always be sent to bestofme@jpeacock.net regardless of who the Symphony host is.
Spread the word: Webloggers, how about some linky love? Trudy would appreciate it and just think of how happy your readers would be if you gave them such a treat. Plus, there's a nice leg shot in the post just prior to the Symphony - you know your readers are going to be mad if they miss that.
Email Reminders: If you'd like to be sent a reminder about the Symphony, join the mailing list. There's one email sent on Thursday or Friday to remind you to submit for the next Symphony and one on Monday with the location of the newly posted Symphony.
I came across a bumper crop of excellent posts this weekend. Normally I appreciate these and then get distracted by something shiny but this time I maintained focus long enough to note down the links. Woo hoo!
So here are my favorites from the weekend:
Trey gives us a rule to live by:
There are a few occasions when I strongly recommend following the crowd, going with the flow, doing what everyone else does and this is one of those times. If you follow a guy in a silver Passat on the interstate and he’s going 90+ miles an hour, singing and dancing to Latin pop music, and then suddenly he slows to a frustrating pace of 60ish, you should guess that something is afoot, especially if you look around and everyone else is doing the same thing. (Slowing down, I mean. Not the dancing part.)
If you leave me an insulting comment and don't have the balls to post your real email address, obviously I'm going to edit it to amuse myself.Obviously.
Get your submissions in for the next Bestofme Symphony. Send them to bestofme@jpeacock.net and they'll be in Monday's edition at WOLves.
Please note that the autoresponse you are used to receiving isn’t working. The emails themselves are getting through, it’s just not sending out the confirmations.
The only requirements are that you think the post is good and that it be at least 2 months old. It doesn't even have to be from your own blog. It just can't get any simpler!
The basics of the Bestofme Symphony.
Want to host a Symphony?
Get reminder emails.
Warning: This post is
It wasn't intentional but every post so far today has held a dig on France's favorite so I might as well go with the flow.
Here's one from Rachel Lucas that tickles me. She's designed the Orca (tm) Michael Moore range target (full size version available at her place).
What Moorisms do you have? Trackback or link it in the comments here. Or just spout off in the comments here. Openly vitriolic comments encouraged. I'll start you off with some humor:
Q: How many Michael Moores does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. That fat fuck wouldn't have a clue how to do something constructive that would actually reveal things that are in darkness. And what's with suggesting that there could be more than one Michael Moore? You sick bastard.
UPDATE: Claire has the scoop on Mikey's eveningwear. Monitor/liquids warning for this one.
* Title corrected. As LeeAnn notes in the comments, nobody in their right mind would fuck Michael Moore.
My PC died right after opening the day for Michael Moore bashing. That greaseball somehow sabotaged me.
Anyway, I'm going to be generally incommunicado as far as email goes as the computer I'm on now is (besides being in the middle of the training room as part of the class that I am currently attending) lacking in any communications capabilities. On the plus side I can now fake a phone outage and completely ignore everybody in the building when I get back to my desk.
Can anybody explain to me why it is that you can get a warning from SmartDisk that your drive is failing but Dell still won't replace it until it actually dies? And why is it that corporate admins refuse to just buy another damned hard drive when the customer service contract that they have with Dell proves to be foolishly lacking in common sense? I just happen to be in class today but I can guarantee that Dell won't have a replacement hard drive in my machine by Monday morning. Maybe sometime on Monday it'll get here and the machine will be loaded with software by the end of business. I'll spend the entirety of Tuesday setting it up for me.
That's two days of lost me. How much does a new hard drive cost compared to two days of my salary? How about losing two days from an already compressed production schedule? I really hate stupidity.
...as if tens of voices suddenly cried out in stupidity.
Oh, right! Trey's home and he's cutting through the inanity like Michael Moore through an Ewok buffet line.
I've finally found the perfect gift for him. And under $20 too!
The “Mind Molester” produces a one-second electronic chirp about once every 4 minutes. Due to the chirp’s duration, frequency, and sound characteristics, it’s a very, very difficult, time-consuming, frustrating and maddening task to locate the unit. And even if they find it, they’ll have no idea what it is. The number of effective locations to plant the “Mind Molester” is limited only by your imagination. Of course, this device is for use on deserving subjects only.
I wonder if there's a discount for bulk purchases...
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
...to get Jim to clench the flow mid-stream and abandon the urinal?
One guy shuffling to the crapper like Eddie Murphy doing his tight-assed white guy impersonation followed by two explosive gaseous anal exhalations. You know the ones with that curiously soft echo that you can only get while seated on the throne. Poof! Poof!. The ones that always precede a torrent of semi-liquid gelatinous feces spraying forth from a burning anus like a garden hose when you hold your thumb over the end that will remain stuck to the back of the bowl regardless of how many times you try to flush.
Yeah, that's what it takes.
El Nino is spanish. It is the spanish word for child. Like all things spanish, it is dangerous. It kills people and burns down trees. This child is more than a child. It really isn't a child at all. It is a storm. A deadly storm that kills people and burns down trees.
That's just an exceprt from one of four essays that should do more for homeschooling than a dozen abusive principals.
(Tip credit to Dopple-G)
Thanks to new FTC rules, porno spam now has to have "SEXUALLY EXPLICIT" in the subject line.
Now instead of "Hungry teen wants your hot cock in her cornhole"
you'll get "Hungry teen wants your hot cock in her cornhole (SEXUALLY EXPLICIT)".
(Hat tip to Lovely Wife)
This image is of cracks found during routine inspections of the Kaman Aerospace SH-2 Seasprite helicopter. Pilots and crew of these helicopters were seriously alarmed (and rightly so) when this information was released.
They were especially concerned because the cracks weren't found in just one location - they were all over the craft. There was no real uniformity to it. Click on the hyperlink to view:
(Hat tip to Steve)
Homer gets the 411 on the media and Iraq over at Ryan's place. And if that doesn't float your boat you can always fall back on the dirty mushroom.
Damn, I can't believe I linked that. The second one that is. The first one is good - go read that. Stay away from that second one.
I subscribe to a lot of news alerts in order to keep up on scholastic lunacy for my Zero Intelligence site. Imagine my surprise when this Ted Rall screed arrived under a "zero tolerance" flag. I read the piece and was incensed by it but I knew that I wasn't the right person to rip Rall's ass open for it.
The correct person was Michele and she knocked this one out of the ballpark*:
...I see Ted in a whole new light now. He's the kid in the back of the class, the one with snot stains on his sleeve and a crust of saliva around his mouth, the one who talks to himself on the playground and whose personality is a guaranteed friend repellant.
Is there anyone who wants to touch this guy now? Even most lefties I talk to - and I mean leaning towards moonbat lefties - hold up garlic cloves and crosses when I mention his name.
* Note that the ballpark will no longer be serving Cracker Jack.
What do you call it when a blogger leads off a series with a targeted attack on another blogger and then closes the comments on the post? I call it bullshit. This particular pile of bullshit was birthed by Mrs. du Toit. She leads off a multi-post essay with this gem:
In a comment thread regarding domestic violence I was taken to task for referring to myself as "Mrs du Toit" by (what I would refer to as) a Femi-Nazi. She made some comment that she had a name and was proud to use it, and she'd never refer to herself the way I do.
The comment thread in question was at my place. Mrs. du Toit had commented that there is no such thing as Stockholm Syndrome and that women in abusive relationships are there solely because they want to be. Helen took her to task, this being the "some comment" referred to above:
And Dean? Yeah, I don't read you, and I really don't feel the need to, either. You've been there on the man's side? Well, I've been there on the woman's side. And you and Mrs. Du Toit (again, let me state thus: I find it revolting to be referred to by my spouse's name. I have my own name, thank you) should understand this: if you haven't walked the woman's side, then you just don't understand.
So what is it, Mrs. du Toit? Any woman who has been abused is a feminazi? Any woman who disagrees with you? Any woman who wants to be known by her own name instead of her husband's? What exactly is your label of "feminazi" a result of? One thing we can be sure of is that it is in no way related to any knowledge of Helen that you might have because if you had taken even a few moments to get to know her before spitting out your vitriol you would know that she's quite the opposite.
Frankly the moral equivalence necessary to use a term like "feminazi" in the first place is disgusting. Your casual attack on somebody you know nothing about simply because they disagree with you is reprehensible.
Bullshit, Connie. Absolute bullshit.
Incidentally, this is for you:
drew at logic2@hotmail.com (though that's probably a fake address) is the latest person to sign my guest map. He's a Brit but is for some ungodly reason living in France. After reading the comment that he left I wonder if that is such a coincidence. Here's what drew (that's the french spelling, using no capitals - less chance of giving offense using only lower case letters you know) said:
Jim is so clever that he has invented a new word to replace "causation" - "causality"! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL ps get a clue moron.
If I'm reading this correctly drew is upset because I used the word "causality". He apparently doesn't know that it is a real word so he is trying to make fun of me for using it. He even gives me credit for creating the word itself! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
ps get a dictionary fucknob.
Look no further for Memeblog has arrived. Memeblog strives to serve as a central clearing house for meme info (memeinfo?). Want to remind the world to submit a post for Meme X? Want to let people know that Meme Y just got posted? Want to introduce Meme Z to the Blogosphere? Memeblog is the place to go.
The secret of Memeblog's success (we hope) is its simplicity. Meme hosts just need to send an email to the submission address at submit-at-memeblog.mu.nu and the crack Memeblog staff will add it to the daily summary post. With both Simon and I hosting we've got pretty decent coverage around the clock (he's in Hong Kong and I'm in the USA).
It's lean and mean at the moment. It'll be getting a facelift in the next little bit and we'll add additional options as time warrants (mailing list, perhaps a tagboard for submits, etc).
How can you help? Well, send in your memes for one. For another, get the word out that Memeblog is here and what it's here for.
Note that if your meme has a dedicated site or page you can get a permalink for it. Submit that through the same email address.
A googol is a number followed by one hundred zeros. The word was created by Professor Edward Kasner in the 1930s and used in a book of his in 1940. Kasner's descendants are getting set to battle Google, saying that the US-based company profited at their expense.
Personally I think that Google does incorporate the theory of googol in their site. When you get a search return you get a "Gooooooooooogle" at the bottom of the page where each "o" is a link to a results page. It seems pretty obvious that these are in tribute to the many zeros in a googol. But does this constitute financial gain at the expense of the family? Intellectual property experts don't seem to think so.
"It would be an uphill struggle to try to assert any legitimate claim," said David Gourlay, a senior associate at the Dundas and Wilson Technology Group.
Gillian Cameron, a partner in the intellectual property and technology department at Maclay, Murray & Spens, said: "They would have to show the family had used the word as a trademark and it had somehow been misappropriated, which doesn’t appear to be the case.
"Or they could argue that Google were piggy-backing on the goodwill of the mathematician, and somehow people associated googol with Mr Kasner," he added. "Again, this would be doubtful.
Kasner was an intelligent and middlingly successful mathematician who's single claim to fame is the description of a number that is never used except as an example of a really big number. The only problem being, of course, that he didn't get famous for it. Could anybody have named Kasner as the creator of "googol" before reading this?
I think the Kasner clan needs to sit down and stifle.
It may be found (where I found it) at LeeAnn's place. Whoo boyo! I'm still recovering from it.
You know that fence that Israel is building? The one that a certain [*cough* Arab *cough*] segment of the world population keeps crying about? The one that Israel says will save the lives of its civilians from Palestinian explodikazis but its detractors [*cough* United Nations *cough*] say is some sort of land grab? Yeah, that one.
Turns out it's working really well.
Which begs the question - would Israel be willing to help us to engineer a fence for Falluja?
(Hat tip to Meryl Yourish)
The Survivor site got a new facelift. Hell, it got whole-body cosmetic surgery including liposuction and all the botox that would fit.
The prize list is growing. Currently the winner will receive:
- ($250) Hosting and design package from Amscray Hosting
- ($70) Site design/redesign from pixelscripts.net
- ($15) Gift certificate to Amazon from Wetwired
- ($15) One month Blogads advertisement at ZeroIntelligence.net
$350 in prizes, and counting. If you want to be a player you need to email Pylorns to let him know. The only qualification is that you have an existing weblog.
UPDATED: 18 May 2004
UPDATED: 17 May 2004
UPDATED: 16 May 2004
Comments have been closed.
My point has been made and I have no desire to keep dwelling on this particular horror. All of the crap being bandied about can be explained in reasonable terms without any conspiracy theory foolishness necessary.
If you have something that you believe proves something weird or odd or whatever other euphemism you choose to use then apply Occam's Razor to your supposition. If you cannot come up with a simple reason for whatever it is then contact the New York Times or a therapist. One or the other will be able to help you.
Sorry if this offends but I'm finding the continued curiosity to be somewhat macabre and disturbing and I want no part of it.
WHAT TYPE OF WILD CREATURE ARE YOU? (New Pictures!)
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(Snagged from the Proto Monkey)
If alcohol is your passion, then clearly you are underage. Alcohol should be like an old friendly woman that you fuck. You know just how far you can go, just how much you can take, and sometimes, after spending too much time with her, you never want to see her again, but you always come back because it turns out you don’t have anything else to do that night. There’s no passion, just a nice mutual comfort. That’s true commitment to alcohol, folks, so don’t act like you love it unless you really do.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
I couldn't believe it either but just look at this stuff:
Last night I decided to have some signs printed up to hang above the urinals in public restrooms. They would read “What would you do if someone stole your wallet right now? Something to think about.”I mean, it’s not like you’re going to turn around and give chase. Yeah, running full speed through a crowded bar with your wrinklebeast hanging out, spraying urine haphazardly on unsuspecting patrons while you yell “Someone grab that guy!”
That’ll work.
Wrinklebeast. I could have thought of that! Damn, I feel so small now.
The 24th Bestofme Symphony is up at Blown Fuse. Our host Tiffany takes us on a tour of the best in the Blogosphere and gets the cleaning up done too.
Hosting: Would you like to host the Symphony? Send me a note and I'll get you on the schedule.
Submit to the Symphony: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission help. Entries should always be sent to bestofme@jpeacock.net regardless of who the Symphony host is.
Spread the word: Webloggers, how about some linky love? Tiffany would appreciate it and just think of how happy your readers would be if you gave them such a treat. Plus, there's a nice leg shot in the post just prior to the Symphony - you know your readers are going to be mad if they miss that.
Email Reminders: If you'd like to be sent a reminder about the Symphony, join the mailing list. There's one email sent on Thursday or Friday to remind you to submit for the next Symphony and one on Monday with the location of the newly posted Symphony.
Charter sucks. That's our cable company. If you're in the market for video on demand that cuts out constantly or high speed access that's as reliable as AOL was in the olden days then Charter is the company for you.
We lost our internet access on Friday. A call to tech support could not fix the problem - a service call to replace the cable modem was to be made on Saturday. Saturday came and went with no call from the friendly Charter technicians. We were at a graduation party for the latter half of the day so did not contact Charter about it again until Sunday.
Yesterday morning (bright and early riser that I am) I called Charter again. Where the hell was my new modem? Well sir, that service call was changed because when the trouble ticket was reviewed they noted a couple more things to try. But nobody called us to try them. Wankers.
Completely erasing the modem's configuration file and downloading a new one actually got the modem working again. I was happy.
Until noon. That's when the modem failed again. No more service. A call to Charter determined that a new modem really was needed but not to worry, it would be there before the end of the day. Do I really need to say what (didn't) happen next?
Okay, for the record then...no new cable modem arrived. Another call to Charter let me know that the service call bringing the new modem on Sunday was rescheduled to first thing Monday morning. Again nobody had called the customer. They rescheduled an appointment without telling one half of the people involved in said appointment.
This now qualifies them as fucknuts.
They are supposed to contact my Lovely Wife first thing this morning to arrange a time to bring the new modem. I am not holding my breath.
Fucking monopolies fucking suck.
Get your submissions in for the next Bestofme Symphony. Send them to bestofme@jpeacock.net and they'll be in Monday's edition at Blown Fuse.
Please note that the autoresponse you are used to receiving isn’t working. The emails themselves are getting through, it’s just not sending out the confirmations.
The only requirements are that you think the post is good and that it be at least 2 months old. It doesn't even have to be from your own blog. It just can't get any simpler!
The basics of the Bestofme Symphony.
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Every once in a while I'll get curious about what people who find this site were looking for. I'll put on my rubber gloves and my thickest apron and check in the referral logs. Here, for your amusement, are some of the most recent search phrases that have brought people to Snooze Button Dreams. As always, my smarmy comments follow.
do you bite your thumb
No. And I stopped sucking on it months ago.
there's a party in my pants
Am I invited?
rape stories written by authors
I think that if it's written it sort of has to be by an author. Can you have a rape story written by a non-author?
So, is £115.00 a lot to pay for an empty X-Box box? The winner of that auction seems to think so:
never buy anything from this f**king w**ker £120 for a box
The seller has little sympathy for the careless bidder and, strangely enough, neither do I. May the buyer beware!
Bill over at Bloviating Inanities has a sweet story about a teen who is getting her facial deformity corrected with the help of Operation Smile. Go read Bill's post. You'll be glad you did.
Even our racist assholes have some redeeming qualities.
Six Men Sentenced in Cross BurningROME, Ga. (AP) -- A federal judge sentenced six men to prison terms ranging from six months to 46 months Friday for burning a cross in the yard of a woman whose daughter was romantically involved with a black man.
Jerrell Timothy Garner, Stacy Paul Jones, Steven Garland Jones, Jeremy Ray Sims, Eric Shane Sullivan and Billy Richards Wells -- all of Trenton -- pleaded guilty Feb. 23 to conspiracy to deprive civil rights.
They still burn crosses? What's up with that? I never understood how a supposedly militant christian could rationalize torching the symbol of their church. Anyway, the redeeming part is here:
Sims and the Jones brothers made the cross and placed it at the foot of Eva Hurst's driveway in Sand Mountain on Nov. 5. They lit the cross and left, then worried that the flames might spread to a nearby tinder-dry forest, so Sullivan called 911.
I'm not sure if the redeemable part is that they were concerned enough about the possibility of a fire to turn themselves in to prevent it or that they were so stupid that they turned themselves in when they had gotten away scott free. Given that they lit up the cross next to the tinder dry forest in the first place I'm going to go with the "stupid" option for now.
(Hat tip to Lovely Wife)
I did. Fortunately for me, I've got Dopple-G here to send me a smile maker when needed. Fortunately for you, you've got me to do the same.
The latest in a long line of inanity:
Vision is the art of seeing things not visible.
I could be kind and say that I understand what the author was going for here. He wants to say that being able to recognize possibilities is what being a visionary is all about. But I'm not kind to people who obscure their meanings behind foolish pedantry so I'm calling "bullshit" here.
The premise itself is bunk. These sayings are supposed to be supportive or indicative of successful business culture. In business you do have true visionaries - they are the guys in the white coats down in the lab who tinker with doodads, gizmos and whatsits. They are markedly different from the people with corporate vision who assign budgets, verify cost and yield figures and do market analysis for the new product lines.
The real success of a business is not in seeing possibilities but in recognizing probabilities. In other words it is much more important to see what's directly in front of your face. Steve Wozniak was a visionary. Bill Gates had corporate vision.
For all y'all that missed it, I was participating in corporate scholastics this Monday and Tuesday. Specifically, I was getting training on distribution replenishment from a lady who knows more about it than everybody else. This might not sound all that exciting until you remember that replenishment efficiency equals profit and profit equals money. Money is always interesting.
- There are lots of little things wrong with our product that we don't see because we aren't using it and people aren't telling us, probably because they're the little niggling things that aren't really "wrong", they're just irritating or not as good as they could be. We need a way to discover these things. They are generally very easy to change and can make a great difference in the usage experience of our customers. User Interface really is important, y'all.
- Our demo data is pooched. It's usable, technically, sort of. You just can't actually simulate the workings of an actual business with it. We need somebody to fix this. Somebody who isn't me of course.
- If you go to a class at a corporation and you don't really know the subject that is being discussed, don't wear bright orange nail polish. In fact, just as a general theory for life, don't wear bright orange nail polish. Thanks.
- Supplier efficiency is what kills distributors. WalMart really does kick ass. They are bigger because they really are better.
- Scan the bathroom before the students/customers have the opportunity to go potty. If one of the Morning Crew has left reading material on the back of the shitter, go ahead and toss it in the garbage. Reading material in the john says things about your company that you really want to have kept in the family.
- Especially when that reading material is a paperback copy of The Exorcist.
- eBay really is the new sales paradigm. Of the three distributors in my class, two were using eBay heavily to reduce overstock as well as clear inventory and make it economically feasible to order special items that come in standard packs. eBay is letting them give better supply service and helping them to run a leaner ship. eBay rocks like WalMart.
- In a customer-centric situation like this training class all company titles are swapped for "Salesperson" as you pass through the door. I think I sold three upgrades just by talking about the items in the latest product version. Do I get commission on that?
Are you pissed about the murder of Nick Berg? Me too. So is everybody I know (and yes, I mean everybody). So what do we do when we see evil of such a primal barbarian nature? What can you and I, common everyday people, possibly do? Alan at Command Post has the answer. Fight evil by strengthening the good.
Well, I’ve decided what to make of it all, and what I’m going to make is some good. Susan Tom is a hero … one of millions … waking each day with a commitment to make the lives of others better through love. Hers is an example to which humanity should aspire. So my response to the murder of Nick Berg and the inhumanity it represents is to use it as motivation to give to Susan Tom and the humanity she represents.
...
For the next three days, between the time stamp of this post and Midnight EDT Friday night, Michele and I will contribute all donations made to The Command Post PayPal account (the button’s below this post and also over in the right-hand column) to the Tom Family Education Trust.
So far they've raised over $5,000 toward their goal of $10,000. Now THAT is a statement!
(Alan has a nice brief on Susan Tom at the post linked up top, as well as a collection of links about her and the Tom Family Education Trust.)
You jerk off for two days and make your readers work the site for you and then on the day everybody is expecting you back (perhaps with some sort of entertaining anecdote from two days of corporate scholastics?) you play the bastiche again and go AWOL. What gives?
I received the email above (in slightly altered form) and would like to take this time to say "bite me" "sorry y'all". I took the day off yesterday to attend Bear's graduation from Pre-K and had an awesome family day. I didn't take time on the PC to do anything except scan emails and the news aggregator occasionally. I'm back now so keep your panties on. (Or don't. I'm good either way.)
All has been settled. Copious points have been handed out and freebie codes sent to Rob and Simon.
This was pretty neat but I think that next time it'll be just a day long. With two days in a row the second day didn't seem to get much attention. Also, I'll see about getting the word out ahead of time so people will know what's coming up.
What do y'all think? Better than crappy post day? Worse? Would you rather have a pencil shoved in your ear than read just about anything on this site? You tell me. I want to know.
You thought it was over after whatsisname proposed to whatsername, won the girl and lost the prize, right? Wrong! That was just the (continuously ironically termed) reality TV show. We don't need no stinkin' TV show!
Blogosphere Survivor is back! June first will be the official start date for Game 2. Pylorns is running it from the start this time and he's looking for some help. Specifically, he needs players, ideas for challenges and game improvements, promotion from fans and some prizes. If you can provide any of the above, comment at the post I linked above or email pylorns-at-wetwired-dot-org.
See you on the island!
Five Muslims behead a civilian on video.
Two Muslims agree that terrorism is wrong.
5 > 2. I have a problem with this math.
Final Update: SnoozeBob is back in his cage. The winner of the advertising at ZeroIntelligence.Net is Simon. Yay, Simon!
Thanks to all who participated and special thanks to Rob for heavily promoting the open Snooze event. Hell, Rob gets ZI advertising too. I'm feeling spunky.
Particulars will get sent out tomorrow once I set up the code thingy at Blogads.
Thanks, y'all!
Speedy Gonzales knows everybody's seester.
Check out this drop dead headline from Finance Asia.
And just in case somebody who knows English as a primary language tells them about it and they change it, I made a screenshot.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
(Hey...where's all the guest posters?)
The 23rd Bestofme Symphony is up at the all newly refurbished MuNu portal. Okay, so it's not really in portal shape yet but the Symphony looks awesome! Go visit Pixy and enjoy some of the best posts in the Blogosphere.
Hosting: Would you like to host the Symphony? Send me a note and I'll get you on the schedule.
Submit to the Symphony: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission help. Entries should always be sent to bestofme@jpeacock.net regardless of who the Symphony host is.
Spread the word: Webloggers, how about some linky love? Pixy would appreciate it and just think of how happy your readers would be if you gave them such a treat.
Email Reminders: If you'd like to be sent a reminder about the Symphony, join the mailing list. There's one email sent on Thursday or Friday to remind you to submit for the next Symphony and one on Monday with the location of the newly posted Symphony.
Hi all, Rob here from XSet just slippin in under the gate as it closes.
Childhood memories huh? Well it's hard to pick out one in particular but I do seem to recall an incident involving a rather precocious toddler (me aged 5) and my parents car which they neglected to lock.
I had managed to get into the driver side and was having a whale of a time with all the switches and buttons and flashy lights. Fortunately for all concerned I discovered the horn before I found the handbrake and was summarily hauled from the car without managing to get the damn thing to go anywhere.
So I just thought I'd throw that one out there before Jim locks the place down again.
Bye
Rob
I'd never discuss this at my blog but I feel safer telling y'all here.
When I was younger I was stalked. It wasn't pleasant. At first it was in fact flattering, having a member of the opposite sex being interested in you. Despite the typical bravado, all men, well boys as it was, enjoy interest from any girl, even if they pretend otherwise. I was just entering my teenage years, realising the world involved far more than squashed flies and 8 hour cricket games in the backyard. Changing from an all-boys to a co-ed school brought me into contact with girls. A shy lad, it took me a while to warm up to these foreign creatures. But from an early start there was one who showed obvious interest in me. She'd always try and get me to chase her, or to get me to flick her bra, or she'd show an interest in whatever I was doing.
As time went by I finally clicked to what she was up to. Eventually an appropriate venue (the side passage-way of Michael's place on a Saturday night, I believe) saw a giggly exchange of intimacy. A little part of me died that night, knowing that I would never again experience something so naughty yet nice. Hazed and glamorised by nostalgia that grope was a first I fondly recall. However I didn't want a "relationship". God, I didn't even know what a relationship was. She persisted. She started writing love notes in class. This lead to the inevitable confiscation and humiliation as they were read out in class. She didn't care. She followed me. Badgered me to go out. "Accidently" turned up at parties I was at. Her school bag had my name on it, surrounded by a heart. There were plenty of other eligible boys but she seemed to only ever have eyes for me. She bought me presents every birthday, even though I purposefully ignored hers. She used to bring me snacks, home-baked cookies. She was smitten despite my trying every boy-trick in the book to shake her.
It got to the point I realised I would have to confront her about it. That was not a pleasant moment. I knew it would shatter her self-esteem. I knew that there were no words that would justify my lack of interest in her. For both us it would be a life-altering moment. She was (and is) funny, bright, pretty and popular. It was one of those things I dreaded and hated myself for but knew I had to do. I put a lot of thought into what to say and how to say it. Her face lit up when I asked to speak to her after school. I clearly remember the clear blue sky and thinking how ironic the weather could be. We walked to a nearby bench in silence, her mind no doubt turning over the possibilities of happiness and mine focussed on the soul-crushing blow I was about to deliver. We sat. I turned and looked into her deep brown eyes. As gently as I could, I said,
Over at Interested-Participant, I try to post on cultural and political issues which gives me latitude to include just about anything. The following is an example of what I would refer to as a cultural post. It's a selection of writings of grade school students collected by teachers, none that I know. I thought they were worthy of passing on.
Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.
The future of "I give" is "I take."
The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.
There are plenty of reasons to listen to what kids have to say. Art Linkletter made a career out of it. Electronic cyber-thanks to whoever the person was that gave me the list. And thanks to Jim for letting me be a guest.
Well, it was interesting tonight at the theater--we made as much money with only one movie as we usually do with three or four on a typical Monday. I'm not sure what this says about people who only pay a dollar for their ticket, but I don't think it's very flattering...
I (Blown Fuse Tiffany) have very few fond memories of childhood. I was a cynic from birth, sarcastic since kindergarten, and caustic by seventh grade. I chalk it up to having an "old soul."
As a result, I can't remember any happy happy yay! events from my youth. I will thus be forgoing the saccharine-laced kiddie reminiscence. (That's what you get for leaving the gate open, Jim!)
Instead, here's a picture of me, taken tonight, with an expression reflecting how stressful my weekend was (Any weekend in which someone tells you that you look like your mother is a bad weekend).
I shall name it: "So f-ing happy."
You may discuss its artistic merit amongst yourselves.
What a gigantic leap of faith! I thought I would come here and write some amazing revelatory piece about crisis being an opportunity for change. But instead, I am leaving some voice overs from Ministry's Jesus Built My Hot Rod to explain my current situation...here we go:
"Let's hit the fuckin' road"!
"These are sensations as hard to forget, as they are to ignore".
"Where you come from is gone".
"Where you thought you were goin' to weren't never there".
"Where you are ain't no good unless you can get away from it".
"You understand"? "Yeah".
"There's only one thing left for me to do mama...is ding-a-ding-dang-my- ding dang-ling- long"!
For the whole story-visit depthmarker
Goodnight!
Heh heh, Jim left the door open overnight! These Southern folks are far too trusting. Usually I'm over here but I'm never one to refuse hospitality.
Jim's suggested topic is favourite childhood memories. This is difficult for me because I was abducted by aliens at a young age who altered my memory. Sure they called themselves "Mum" and "Dad" but they had the audacity to repeat the experiment with my "brother". I actually tried to escape once. I managed to climb up to the front door, open it and go for a walk down to the local police station. Given I was about 10 months old at the time (and the walk was more crawl) I wasn't taken seriously. This is all true.
So to my humourous childhood memory. The four of us, "Mum", "Dad" and my "brother" Paul were on holidays. I was about 6, Paul 4 and he was using "floaties" to help him swim. Except his big brother didn't use floaties so he didn't really need them, did he? And he didn't need to tell M or D he was going a for swim, did he? So when suddenly a stranger in the hotel pool noticed a little boy making a bee-line for the bottom he jumped in with "Dad" close behind to rescue him. No long lasting damage was done. But it was pretty funny.
Maybe you had to be there.
...is the ability to leave actual posts at someone else's blog...
So, hello to all Jim's readers! This is Susie, speaking to you from Jim's blog! My own blog is Practical Penumbra, but I'm sure you all already knew that...
Construction is starting at the theater today. The 350 seat auditorium is being divided into two smaller ones, so that we have more screens. This is so Hollywood can continue to believe that it doesn't have to make good movies, just as long as it makes lots of movies.
In the meantime, we have only one picture showing in the other theater--Walking Tall. The Rock takes his shirt off. I recommend you leave after that, because that's the only reason to see it. The good news is, I have it timed so I get to see it 3 times a day (and 5 times a day on the weekend). The bad news is, few people are actually willing to pay to see that.
Of course, unless you've already worn out your copy of The Scorpion King, you can probably see more of him on video. Hmmm....that reminds me! Who borrowed my copy and hasn't returned it?
When I was a little girl, for some ungodly reason, my parents decided to move to the middle of nowhere, aka: Mississippi.
We lived in a house that was at the end of a short dirt road. We were surrounded by lush green fields with big fat cows dotting the horizon. There was a small fishing pond under large oak trees to one side that I loved to fish from.
I'm in class today and tomorrow. I'll be wandering by the computer through the day but definitely won't have time to work up any decent posts. Instead of having a Crappy Post Day two weeks in a row I figured I'd ape some of the more successful bloggers and have an open microphone day.
There are only a couple of rules that you need to follow:
- Make sure to use a title on the post and put your name in parenthesis at the end. Example: What I learned in class today (Jim Peacock)
- Use the "SnoozeBob" category. That's going to be the general category for guest posters. Nothing like simple and easy to understand category titles to help folks navigate the site, eh?
- Don't do anything that will get your ass permanently banned. There are no hard and fast rules for this because a goodly portion of my readership are clever and evil and if I made up rules or guidelines they would take a savage delight in finding loopholes through them. Just don't do anything remarkably and intentionally stupid or malicious and you'll be just fine.
If you're a blogger, don't forget to include a link to your own blog. Never pass up the opportunity for free advertising!
Here's the particulars:
Login URL
Account: SnoozeBob
Password: password
All y'all that already have accounts that can post here, feel free to use them or post using the SnoozeBob account. It's all good.
BEGIN!
PS - In case you've forgotten what he looks like, here's Snoozebob!
PSS - Munuvians will need to log out as themselves in order to login as SnoozeBob. It's that "logout" button at the top of the MT interface.
Get your submissions in for the next Bestofme Symphony. Send them to bestofme@jpeacock.net and they'll be in Monday's edition at the all new and completely redesigned ultra spiffy MuNu. (Hey, Pixy - how's that redesign going?)
The only requirements are that you think the post is good and that it be at least 2 months old. It doesn't even have to be from your own blog. It just can't get any simpler!
The basics of the Bestofme Symphony.
Want to host a Symphony?
Get reminder emails.
UPDATED 08 May 2003 (At bottom of post)
This was a difficult post to write. You see, there are two things in this world that are absolutely guaranteed to set my deeply repressed reptilian brain into instant violent response mode. One is child abuse. The other is wife abuse ("Wife" is colloquial and includes significant other/girlfriend/fiancee/fuck-buddy/whatever). I don't speak well on either subject because I find it very difficult to get past my emotional response to them. That general response to abusers could most concisely be represented as "Fuck the guy up".
So when Jeff at Protein Wisdom posted about an article by Cathy Young in Reason you can get an idea of my default mindset as I approached it. Jeff just cut and pasted the bulk of the article and added a snark at the end so we'll ignore him and concentrate on this whack Cathy Young.
Cathy has a problem with the response scheme in place for wife beaters. You see, there are many jurisdictions that will prosecute a wife beater even when the abused party doesn't want to.
numerous jurisdictions and states passed laws that mandated arrests for domestic assault ... and encouraged prosecutions even when the alleged victim was unwilling to press charges.
I speak of course of the Snark Hunt. Head over to Kate's place for your weekly dose of contributed venom.
Rush isn't the only one, just the most prominent. Some people are comparing what was done in the Abu Ghraib prison to fraternity hazing. Here's Rush Limbaugh's comment:
This is no different than what happens at the skull and bones initiation and we're going to ruin people's lives over it and we're going to hamper our military effort, and then we are going to really hammer them because they had a good time.
Granted, some of the pictures sure do look like what you'd see during pledge week. Guys stripped naked with a hood on, made to whack off or form a human pyramid while the Greeks ridicule them. In fact, if that ubiquitous female soldier that appears in so many of the pictures pointing at various cocks was a guy wearing a shirt with Greek letters on it you would have no problem believing the pics were shot at an ivy league school in the USA.
But it wasn't hazing. It was torture. It does not matter if the exact same things were done to those prisoners as the local chapter of Lamda Delta Phi does to their pledges. The two things are completely different. They are different in the same way that loaning your buddy $50 is different from being robbed at gunpoint. One is voluntary, the other is forced under threat of death.
If you can't see the difference between "If you want to get invited to the best keggers for the next four years you better put this hood on and jerk off on your buddy" and "Climb on your naked buddy's back or I will shove this probe up your ass and shock your genitals until they burn" then you need a serious reality check. Or a nationally broadcast radio show.
Not here, y'all. It's at Simon World. Oh, and you do have to ask so if you really were afraid to ask then this isn't going to help you out a whole heap.
Simon's making an About Me page (not about me, it's about him. sorry for the confusion) using the questions of his fans. So go ask him a question.
It's a neat idea that I might duplicate here. What do you think?
Tell us about the first album you ever owned. What was it, was there a story behind it? How about the last album you acquired?
The very first music album (after the genuine kid stuff like Snoopy and the Red Baron and various Muppets records) was Dr. Hook: A little Bit More.
My Mom and I with my little brother were staying with my Aunt to help with my Uncle (who was failing rapidly). My Dad bought me the Dr.Hook album because my cousines told him that this was what the hip crowd wanted to listen to. It blew my mind completely and irrevocably. My mom overheard it the second day I had it in the house and she confiscated it. She said she was giving it back to my Dad, this music was too grown up for me.
Well it was way too late. In the short time that I had posession of that album I listened to it more than a dozen times straight through and a select few songs (When You're in Love With a Beautiful Woman, A Little Bit More and Sexy Eyes) dozens more. I got the boogy in my blood and it never left.
After that I bugged my older brother constantly for all of his funk. I begged, borrowed and stole my Dad's Bee-Gee's, Barry Manilow and Wayne Newton. I sat at the radio every Saturday morning with my Radio Shack tape recorder jacked in to record the best off of Casey's Top 40. It was the beginning of the end of my childhood.
The very last album I purchased for myself was Concrete Blonde y Los Illegals.
Johnette was spending too much time south of the border and it showed in the music. The hard driving riffs I loved and expected from Blonde weren't there. The sweet scratchy ululations of Napolitano were absent. The band had gone adrift and was faltering badly.
I lost faith in music with this album. I'd already been on a downward spiral and this was the capper. Since this CD in 1997 I haven't purchased a musical album. Don't cry for me, it hasn't been a sad parting, nor a total one. I listen to the radio occasionally in the car. I borrow CDs or MP3s sometimes when I'm curious about a song or artist. So far I haven't been seriously tempted to buy another CD.
What's your story? Give it to us in the comments here or post on your own blog and trackback to this post so we can follow along.
It's open mic night at Michele's place. Go visit and leave your mark for posterity.
Maybe it's wrong to think this way but I keep coming back to it. The only way to get a peaceful Middle East is through the creation of parking lots of magnificent size. Start the paving in Palestine.
See Meirav was two at Meryl Yourish's place. You may want to grab a tissue and remove anything breakable from easy reach before you click on that link.
No? Then these guys are way ahead of the times.
My favorite part isn't Target Man getting hit by the roman candles. It's at the end when he rips off his flaming shirt and screams for water and the Production Assistant Of Doom throws the bucket of water on the discarded shirt instead of Target Man's smoldering hair.
What people won't do to get on MTV these days.
What in the world could make a brown eyed boy turn blue? Can't help you with that question but I do know the answer to "What's the easiest way to get Rob to do a total site redesign?" The answer of course is "Pooch his upgrade to MT3".
The end result is a fine looking blog though so all's well that ends well. Go visit Rob and let him know what you think of the new design.
He's also giving out 50 XSet points this week so keep an eye out for those. Remember, every 5 XSet points can get you a Snooze Point! ;-)
This guy's going on the blogroll: Pork Tornado.
excerpt
Coffee has porn names. I had a conversation with my boss about that over a cup of “Dark Passion” the other day, and I got an e-mail from one of my friends today about the same thing. She doesn’t want her name on this website, so I’ll call her “Slutface”. Slutface said she was drinking a coffee called “Secret Dreams”, which described its flavor as “A burst of nutty sweetness”. For the hell of it, I went into the kitchen to see how our own Dark Passion was described.“A sweet, buttery taste, and the luscious aroma of roasted nuts.”
Hehehe. Nutbutter.
It's Crappy Post Day (tm)! For those of you who have joined us since the last Crappy Post Day (tm) and for those regulars who have managed to blank Crappy Post Day (tm) from your minds, allow me to give a brief explanation.
Crappy Post Day (tm) is what happens when I am too busy to write anything for myself but the gut wrenching pangs of guilt force me to attend to my bloggerly duties regardless. What you get on Crappy Post Day (tm) are links to other peoples' stuff (said stuff being way better than things you'll find at The Snooze on this fateful day) and things that people send me or I pick up on my wanderings. Oh yes, I'm still wandering. No time to write something amusing for y'all but plenty of time to aimlessly trek through the drek (that rhymes!) that is our beloved blogosphere. Does that make me a bad person? I doubt it. Next to signing up everybody on my notify list to the Al Franken fan club, that hardly registers.
The scene: Two bearded men are asleep in bed in the classic spoon position. The morning call to prayer awakens them. They hurriedly jump from bed, pull on robes and kneel on their prayer mats. They are in the midst of prayers when one suddenly sits up as if coming to a realization.
Abdul: Yassir...last night...you got your anus on my external najaset*.
Yassir: No Abdul, you got your external najaset in my anus.
Abdul: You fool! You attempted to make your anus Pak** using a handful of gravel!
Yassir: The Taharat*** allows one to make their anus Pak using stone.
Abdul: But not when an external najasat reaches the anus! In this case only water may make the anus Pak! You are engaged in prayer with a najis**** anus!
Yassir: Um...I...but...
Abdul: Infidel!!
Abdul reaches into his robe and detonates his bomb belt.
The moral of the story: Fundamentalists do not make successful gay lovers.
* As near as I can figure, an 'external najaset' is somebody else's cock.
** 'Pak' means 'acceptably clean'.
*** The 'Taharat' is the list of 83 rules that Islam specifies to take a dump, brush teeth, etc.
**** 'Najis' is 'dirty'. Not in the naughty sex kitten way like "Oh, you are a dirty little girl" but more in the "soiled with bodily fluids" sort of way.
The scene: Dopple-G and I are driving into work in the early morning hours. As it often does, our conversation turns weird.
Dopple-G: If you were a chick, what would you do for a living?
Me: I'd screw.
Dopple-G: You'd be a whore?
Me: No, I'd have a lot of sex and make a lot of money.
Dopple-G: That's called being a whore.
Me: Well I'd be having sex because I want to have a lot of sex. The money is just a bonus.
Weight costs money, right? So does size. To transport, I mean. Smaller, lighter packages are much cheaper to move around. They're also better for retailers - more stock can fit in the same space.
Diaper wipes are basically just wet fabric toilet paper. Why not ship them dry and have the user add a 1/4 cup of water when they open the pack?
The size savings would be immense (y'all have seen the sponge the size of a business card that expands to a 4" x 8" dishcleaner, right?). The weight savings would be phenomenal.
Am I brilliant or what?
The Porsche Boxster has a rounded rear with a single large exhaust dead center in the chassis.
It looks like a butthole.
A gaping butthole.
Long-time readers might recall my penchant for jotting down topics to write about later. When an idea gets into my head I'll just note a few key elements and those will allow me to recall the thought process and gist of what I was thinking at a later time. It doesn't always work.
While reviewing my notepad here at work I found a few lines in one corner of a back page that are an obvious topic note to myself but I can't recall what the hell I was thinking. (Therefore the title of this post! See how it's all coming together?)
Here is the note, reproduced in all its glory:
"Hit the head"Ozymandias
smack his head
Long Meeting
have to pee
Why is the first line in quotes? Was I looking for etymology of the phrase? What did the King of Kings have to do with Navy bathrooms? Why is he smacking his head. Or is that a command to smack Ozy in the noggin? The last two lines seem to go well together until I tell you that in Jim shorthand that capitalization is for a reason so "Long Meeting" is a title.
Can anybody put these together into cogent (or amusing) form?
The 22nd Bestofme Symphony is up at Dramaqueen. Go visit Goldie and get your read on. The best posts in the Blogosphere wait for nobody. Well, I guess they do wait, seeing as they're sort of sitting there and all. But get over there anyway. You'll be glad that you did.
Hosting: Would you like to host the Symphony? Send me a note and I'll get you on the schedule.
Submit to the Symphony: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission help. Entries should always be sent to bestofme@jpeacock.net regardless of who the Symphony host is.
Spread the word: Webloggers, how about some linky love? Goldie would appreciate it and just think of how happy your readers would be if you gave them such a treat.
Email Reminders: If you'd like to be sent a reminder about the Symphony, join the mailing list. There's one email sent on Thursday or Friday to remind you to submit for the next Symphony and one on Monday with the location of the newly posted Symphony.
Kate's got the beat in her boogie. Or is that some boogies in her beets? Either way, the Snark Hunt is back and it's baaaaaad.
There is one certainty in motivational sayings: The more pretentious the saying, the more inaccurate it will be. We can call it Peacock's Law. Today's welcoming message to the office is a perfect example.
Behold the turtle! He makes progress only when he sticks out his neck.
Um...no. A turtle will make progress by sticking out his legs. Sticking out his head will give him a wider field of view but has no effect on his ability to progress.
Is this bad saying salvageable? I'm not sure. Let's try some modification:
Behold the turtle! He can make steady progress without exposing himself to undue risk.
Yeah, in today's business climate that one is a winner and it has a more businesslike ring than the flip side:
Behold the turtle! No matter how much he exposes himself he can't come any faster.
That last version could get a lawsuit started.
French Vanilla is really just Marshmallow flavor.
It's really great that you're trying to make your stores seem like higher class retail establishments. Hey, whatever works is fine with me. If your objective is attracting the folks who get embarrassed at Wall Mart then you go ahead and do that.
My problem is with your television commercials. You got rid of the dog and for that I am thankful. A pit bull with redeye just wasn't the greatest mascot. Spuds Mackenzie should have taught you that. But now you've gone to these freaky thirty second art student pieces that are impossible to "get" without a sufficient amount of narcotic assistance. A commercial should not be reminiscent of a French culture piece minus the crying clown.
Tell me what's on sale and then get the fuck off of my television.
Thanks.
