If alcohol is your passion, then clearly you are underage. Alcohol should be like an old friendly woman that you fuck. You know just how far you can go, just how much you can take, and sometimes, after spending too much time with her, you never want to see her again, but you always come back because it turns out you don’t have anything else to do that night. There’s no passion, just a nice mutual comfort. That’s true commitment to alcohol, folks, so don’t act like you love it unless you really do.

(Hat tip to Dopple-G)