I've gone ahead and implemented the black & white design that Rob worked up for me. Pretty sexy, eh? I love those clocks!
Don't worry, Rob. I saved everything before I started mucking about.
UPDATE: Had some problems to start but I got those fixed with MojoMark's tip. Have some problems now pointed out by Mog. The comments and individual archives still have the old styling. Not much I can do about that at the moment seeing as I'm pretty inept at design stuff. I tried switching stuff in and out but it didn't work (reference previous statement of general ineptitude). For now, just enjoy the beautiful clockworks on the main page and consider the other pages a tribute to a venerable warrior that served honorably and continues stolidly onward despite knowing his doom approaches.
UPDATE: Time's up! All are aboard that are coming aboard. Now the waiting begins. Who will be the point winners? Ooooh...you can cut the tension with a butter knife.
Dear Y'all:
The group mailing address that sends email to everybody in the company is a feature that should be used sparringly. Its purpose is to allow a simple way for people like the President, CFO, and Bob to tell us when people are fired, when our W-2 forms will be ready, and when the gas leak is fixed, respectively. Occassional use by other people is okay, but only when they have an actual message imparting information that applies to the entire company. For example, it's okay when the receptionist sends out an email that the car wash guy is here. It's okay for someone to send an email when they put homemade cookies in the break room.
Apparently I'm a shoe in for Bush, which is pretty much what I figured already. Some of the other results were surprising though.
Bush: 100%
Leiberman: 93%
Edwards: 86%
Not unexpectedly, Kucinich was number last.
Find your perfect match.
The most absolutely amazing thing about this picture of Lovely Wife with Nicki (pup #1) is not the teasing swell of hip, so rounded and shapely that even the big droopy shirt can't hide it. It isn't the seductive "come hither" look in her eye. It isn't that she's lying down with a dog who's exposing his genitals. It's not even the gargantuan size of the graphic due to me not realizing how big it was as I uploaded it and being far too lazy to edit and upload another picture.
No, my friends. The most amazing thing is that Lovely Wife gave me verbal permission to take the photo. That's right. Actual permission. "You can take a picture if you want" will forever be scored upon my forebrain. She even told me where the camera was when i couldn't find it.
This is big, y'all. Is Lovely Wife losing her abject hatred of being photographed? Is she coming to appreciate the camera's lecherous stare?
Or perhaps I should be off to the shed to look for empty pods.
This is a very special Cheddar X. This week we're serving a very bitter cheddar, as the answers to the questions should amply show.
I was just reading about it being Michele's 3rd blogiversary and I realized that it's my own .5th blogiversary. (Or would that be hemi-anni-blogiversary?)
6 months of Snoozitude. That floors me. It feels like just yesterday when I started this thing.
No maudlin' or "what I've learned" stuff this time - you'll get punished with that when the blog's a year old. This post is really just an excuse for another point earning opportunity for y'all.
POINTS: 2 points for the artist of the song in the title of this post. 1st correct answer only, of course. And no searching, of course. And it's all on the honor system so I won't know if you cheat, of course. But I'm pretty sure y'all are as honest as Clancy since it's just for fun, of course. I'll stop with the "of course" stuff now, of course.
Damn, just couldn't resist that one more. I stepped over the line, didn't I? Turned it right from mildly amusing (or at least only slightly pathetic) right to irritating. I'm such a slave to my impulses.
This morning in the shower I was accosted by an unnatural sensation. No kids yelling. No dog barking. No cat attempting to dig to China via the litter box. Just the delicate sound of the water sluicing off my naked body. The silence was unnerving.
I did the only thing a rational person with absolutely no singing ability could do in this situation. I made sound effects.
That's right. This is the fellow that wrote the code for the three finger salute (that's 'ctrl-alt-del' for the helmet wearers). He's retiring after 28 1/2 years at IBM and will be teaching at NC State University. Fare thee well oh handler of computers and bring some of that humor to the classroom.
At a 20-year celebration for the IBM PC, Bradley was on a panel with Microsoft founder Bill Gates and other tech icons. The discussion turned to the keys."I may have invented it, but Bill made it famous," Bradley said.
Gates didn't laugh. The key combination also is used when software, such as Microsoft's Windows operating system, fails.
You can use it for more than Windows crashes? Wow, the things you learn.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
I guess I've been around a bit. This map shows the states that I've actually lived in. It's supposed to be a "visited" map but that just turns most of it red for me. If you're curious about what states I've visited just figure every state that touches one of these and that'll be pretty close.
create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide
(Hat tip to Susie)
POINTS: 2 points for the first person to name the inspiration for this post title. No searching please, you naughty little monkeys.
UPDATE: Lovely Wife's visited states and visited countries are in the extended entry. Wow, she really gets around, doesn't she?
Occasionally, when I have absolutely no idea what to post desire to give y'all a particularly lighthearted and spirited little humorous romp, I'll delve into the recent searches on my site to see what people are looking for when they find this site out of the blue. I then generally humiliate them for our collective amusement try to help those poor souls who couldn't find what they were looking for here. Shall we begin?
Normally I only post a recipe when I've just made the food. Then I give a little anecdote style offering along with the actual recipe (or reasonable facimile of a recipe - this stuff just comes out of my head most of the time). It's sort of like my own Chicken Soup For the Soul. Maybe I should make a category for it: Chicken Soup That Will Melt Your Soul Because Almost All Of The Recipes I Have Are Hotter Than Your Ass Will Be Able To Safely Contain The Next Day or something like that.
I'm going to make an exception to the unwritten "write up the recipe after you've cooked the food" rule this time because I saw Kate's chili recipe and discovered that Sgt. Hook needs my recipe in order to save the blogosphere from the weak-ass nastiness that has so far been submitted to his chili cook off.
DISCLAIMER: I'd already been hankering for some chili lately and tried to find my Death Chili recipe with no luck. There's an actual recipe for this one and it's for a good reason. I tend to be making chili at the same time I am consuming beer. Depending on how much beer I consume the chili will grow to inedible levels of hotness. Even for me, and that's pretty freaking impressive.
Anyway, I can't find the recipe but I'm going to reproduce it here for you from memory. It should be safe as I am currently completely sober (a bit jumped up on coffee but I don't think that'll affect anything except spelling errors).
My last "Nigerian Scam" email said I had inherited farmland in Zimbabwe.
Weakened Parental Leave Bill OK'd
That's "weakened" as in lacking strength, not "weekend" as in Saturday, Sunday. The Georgia House passed legislation yesterday to mandate diddly squat. The original proposal was to allow parents up to 8 hours each year to attend school functions for their children. Things like parent-teacher conferences, volunteer work, etc would have been covered. But in a move that would do Armin Meiwes proud the Senate emasculated it before passing it.
House members approved the bill 158-6, but first they approved an amendment to change the wording. Instead of telling employers they "shall" give the parental leave time, the bill says employers "may" give the leave time.
So legislation has been approved that legally allows businesses to let parents attend their childrens' school functions. Were businesses not allowed to do this before? Another pointless law with no teeth that serves no function except to further clutter up the books. What a joke.
The other day, Bacon walked by the puppy and gave her a kick. Not a mean kick, just a little "Hey there, I'm kicking you, what are you going to do about it?" type of kick.
Lovely Wife was the first to react as she yelled out ''Why did you do that!?" and he replied with only a look, head cocked just so and a facial expression that clearly said ''I haven't the foggiest idea what you are talking about". She rephrased her query ''Why did you kick the puppy?" He shrugged his shoulders and uttered the classic ''I dunno" that all parents are infinitely familiar with but his look clearly still indicated that he was clueless as to the subject under discussion.
So yesterday I was reading a story to little Burger. Kota was laying next to me, hoping for some petting action. The other two were sitting around having their brains sucked out by the evil glowing box in the corner. Kota got bored waiting for me to pay her attention and got up to find our other dog, Nicki. As she passed by Bacon, she calmly and casually turned her head to bite him as she passed. Not a mean bite, just a playful puppy bite. A bite that said "I bit you. Do something about it."
I yelled out "Kota! No! Why did you do that?" (animals can understand complex questions as long as you are angry when you ask them.) She sat down and looked at me, head cocked just a little bit and wearing an expression that said ''I haven't the foggiest idea what you are talking about." I didn't bother rephrasing the question.
We're in trouble.
There's a load of great new stuff over at Zero Intelligence. We've got a nominee for worst zero tolerance abuses, a blatantly racist school policy and a very angering decision against hiring the best candidate (it might upset the kids if there's a successful role model in the school).
Phillip Coons has also joined the staff. Welcome aboard, Phillip! Look for good stuff from him starting later today.
Guess that's not bad for being down here for 3 years. Dopple-G's been here for twice as long and he's still 39% yankee. How 'bout y'all? Find out how much yankee blood you have here.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
The Scene: Lovely Wife is in the supermarket with the spawn children. They spy an unnecessary but not out of bounds pricewise item that they covet.
Bear: Momma, can we get that unnecessary but not out of bounds pricewise item that I covet?
Lovely Wife: No, Bear. I don't have the money for it right now.
Bear: You can use your card!
If you've been reading me a while you've probably figured out that one of the things that most irritates me in this world is intentional stupidity. Come to think of it, that might be the only thing that really irritates me. Anyway, the height of this stupidity in recent years has been the preponderence of zero tolerance policies. These are the rules made up by school systems out of fear or knee-jerk reaction that forcibly compel school administrators from using common sense or whatever intelligence they might normally posess.
Gone are the days of leniency for honest mistakes, compassion for lack of understanding and any concept of letting the punishment fit the crime. Taking an Advil at school is now the same as pushing crack. Leaving the tools from your lawn care side job in your locked trunk will get you arrested. Having the wrong pencil sharpener or wallet earns expulsion. This lunacy has got to stop.
To that end I have started a new website called Zero Intelligence that will collect stories of the harmful effects of these policies as well as showcase the abuses caused by them. We will explore the reasons that they are adopted and point out the errors that lead to these very poor solutions. Although there is a great amount of indignation about zero tolerance policies there doesn't seem to be any organized discussion or action against them. I hope that Zero Intelligence will provide this greatly needed forum.
I would like to send humongous mountains of thanks to Matt Drachenberg (of Overtaken by Events). Matt volunteered to help with the site before it was even set up and there is absolutely no way it would be ready for use now without him. He did all of the plug-in stuff and the widgets and doodads and made it all actually work. Matt is serving as the site admin to handle all of the boring and frustrating technical problems that will pop up while I get to relax and handle the human element. He'll also be contributing content of course.
Speaking of content, it's light at the moment as we're just starting out. You can help in this regard by sending tips, commenting on the posts, or even becoming a contributing poster.
- Puppy teeth are the second sharpest thing in the world, next only to samurai swords.
- Puppies like to take a nip at anything and everything that grabs their attention, especially mobile things that will fit nicely in their mouths.
- Puppy noses can open any door that is not firmly latched.
- Human flesh is at its most sensitive directly after a hot shower.
It was toes people. Toes. Get your minds out of the gutter.
The 8th Bestofme Symphony is up at Dodgeblogium and ready for your adoration. Start your week on the right foot with a tour of the best of the Blogosphere.
Hosting: Would you like to host the Symphony? Send me a note.
Submit to the Symphony: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission help. Entries should always be sent to bestofme@jpeacock.net regardless of who the Symphony host is.
Spread the word: Webloggers, please give Jeannie some applause for her fine work and lend a hand with a little link magic.
Email Reminders: If you'd like to be sent a reminder about the Symphony, drop me a line at this address. It's not a mailing list, just me sending out friendly little reminders. There'll be one on Thursday or Friday to remind you to submit for the next Symphony and one on Monday with the location of the newly posted Symphony.
It's time to hunt snark.
...it's time for the Cheddar X!
Well, technically I need you to submit to Dodgeblogium. They're the hosts for the January 26 edition of the Bestofme Symphony. Send your submissions to bestofme@jpeacock.net.
Remember, the only requirements are that you think the post is good and that it be at least 2 months old. Not a blogger? Send in a post from a favorite weblog.
The taxman is now my bitch. I've got my W-2 in hand and it's high time that the gubmint gave me my damn money back. Boo-ya!
Say that you've forgotten to turn off your email at work so it continues to pull your emails when you go home. It is set to poll for email every 20 minutes, starting at 5 after the hour. Your computer at home looks for email every 10 minutes for the same address, starting at the top of the hour. If there are 12 emails sent to you during the time both computers are pulling email, how many of these would you expect to find on the computer at work the next day?
Points: 2 points to the first person with the correct answer. No wild guesses, please - you have to explain your reasoning.
The laws of physics still limit the number of vehicles occupying the same space to one single unit so perhaps the next time you swing over a solid white line into the non turning lane without the benefit of a turning signal because heaven forbid you would want to warn other drivers of your impending lunacy and you couldn't be bothered to switch lanes a quarter of a mile back before your lane became the home of left turning commuters you might wish to take a quick peek to be sure there are no other vehicles occupying the location you desire so you can avoid the tires screaching quick brake then foot to the floor acceleration move to cut in front of said space occupying vehicle while flipping the bird manuever that you decided to use today.
Have a nice day,
Jim
PS - I fucked your sister. She's nowhere near as good as your mom, no matter how much your dad disagrees.
The Letter of the Day is was "Y".
"Y" is for "Yap", as in Yap Away Jay. Jay will be hosting the Bestofme Symphony on Feb 16 and I've been enjoying a tour through her blog. Come join me.
The Scene: Dopple-G and I are sitting down to lunch. He is eating naked burgers with cheese slices on top.
Background: Dopple-G actually enjoys American cheese singles and considers them to be actual cheese. I am a cheese snob where this pseudo-food is concerned.
Dopple-G: I've got "real cheese" today.
Me: That is not real cheese. It is "processed cheese food product".
Dopple-G: Why are you so anti-American?
Me: I'm not anti-American, I'm anti-cheese impersonation.
Dopple-G: American cheese is real cheese.
Me: Real cheese does not have partially dehydrogenated soy bean oil as an ingredient.
She went right here. Go see her new digs and update those blogrolls. I'm not sure what she's up to but it's sure to be devious and exciting.
I've mentioned before how the message board as you enter the building sprouts the occassional inane quote. It's getting uncomfortably frequent. Here's what we have now:
The most important thing that you can wear is your expression.
This is just starting to ring too close to those insufferably smug motivation posters. The most important thing you can wear is your expression? Give me a break. I've never been asked to leave a bar because of my expression. My expression has never been the defining factor in losing a job. I've never been arrested because of my expression. I'll tell you what the most important thing you can wear is: pants. Trust me on this, m'kay?
Have any of you not yet been to Simon World? You really should check it out. Simon is well writen, attractive, and highly available for hetero or homosexual encounters. Looking for tall, dark and handsome? That's him. Short and built like a greco-roman wrestler? He's your guy. He's got humor, deep insightful commentary, and he opens windows for your mind. Unless you don't like that, in which case he's all about short and easy to understand humor. Or whatever else you're looking for.
[What's that? I can't say all that? Why not? Oh, yeah...right.]
It's been pointed out to me that as Simon is not in fact all things to all people, that I may be creating a false image in your head that he cannot possibly match, which will in turn cause you to not enjoy your experience when you go to his site and since that's pretty much 180 degrees off of the intent of this post it's not exactly the best way to pimp promote his site. Guess I've been following the Democratic Party hopefuls too closely and my worldview has been skewed. Here's the factual blurb:
Have any of you not yet been to Simon World? You really should check it out. Simon's an Aussie in Hong Kong with a lovely wife (not my Lovely Wife, of course) and kids (not my kids either) and another on the way. Humor, slice of life, a window into the world of Hong Kong; all of these and more are yours for the taking at his site. You can also help him name his baby and win fabulous prizes including a lear jet and your own private villa.
[You again? What now? Oh, okay.]
No lear jet.
The Burger (aka "Hamster", see the picture and you'll know why) is 2 years old today. Happy Birthday, short man!
But if that doesn't float your boat, try the 70th edition of the Carnival of the Vanities.
The Letter of the Day is was "X".
"X" is for X-treme Blogging. That's when you turn your weblog over to your readers for open mike night, like Michele did.
So, y'all know about our new puppy (Kota, short for Dakota) and how we took the calm, affectionate one instead of the hyperactive, psychotic one. By way of explaining our current situation I'll share with you the meaning of "Dakota", which I've just discovered after many hours of searching. The original Indian doesn't come over to English exactly but a loose translation is "Oh, you thought I was the calm one? You are in such terrible shit that I would pity you if only I could sit still long enough to do so".
Apparently her original calm demeanor was the result of a heavy barbituate overdose. She has now self medicated with mescaline to compensate. I must, for the sake of the family's continued sanity (okay, the adults' continued sanity), find her stash.
It just came to me that the pet-style animals in the household now outnumber the humans. 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 birds vs 5 bipeds. Thank god for opposable thumbs. Still, if they ever figure out basic mathematics we might be in for some trouble. If you ever come to the site and the entries are all "woof grrr woof" (and badly spelled) please send Snausages.
This is most impressive. Click on the picture to see the video.
(Hat tip Dopple-G)
POINTS: 1 point for the first person to name the source of this post's title. No searching, y'all.
I almost feel guilty for how much time I've wasted on this little game but how often do you get to fulfill a fantasy like this?
My top score was 320.5. Dopple-G got a 323 but that's probably only because he's a natural animal abuser.
(Hat tip Dopple-G)
UPDATE: Bad news, folks. It looks like it got pulled from the site. Too bad as it was a great one. You were a Yeti and these penguins jumped off a cliff toward you and you wacked 'em with a club to send them flying for distance. Oh, it was good.
UPDATE2: Bow down and worship at Helen's feet for she has given me another link to the game and this one still works!
Most dogs bite, wiener dogs use ordnance.
Can you say holy shit?
(Hat tip to Jonny E)
Baby being Lovely Wife, of course. And puppy being...well...a puppy.
Lovely Wife loves dogs. And cats. And birds. And fish. And hamsters. And turtles. And just about any other pet type creature excepting ferrets. So what better gift could I give her than a puppy? Well, yes, a diamond ring would probably be a better gift but I can't get her the one I want at the moment so that's out. Okay, a new car would indeed be better but you're not thinking of the right class of gift here. Should I rephrase the question? Okay - What better gift could I give her than a puppy, said gift causing little to no strain upon my barren wallet? Nuthin', that's what. Glad you agree.
The 7th Bestofme Symphony is up and damn does it look great. Start your week right with a tour of the best of the Blogosphere.
Would you like to host the Symphony? Send me a note.
Submit to the Symphony: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission help. Entries should always be sent to bestofme@jpeacock.net regardless of who the Symphony host is.
Spread the word: Webloggers, please give Rob some applause for this fine work and lend a hand with a little link magic.
Email Reminders: If you'd like to be sent a reminder about the Symphony, drop me a line at this address. It's not a mailing list, just me sending out friendly little reminders. There'll be one on Thursday or Friday to remind you to submit for the next Symphony and one on Monday with the location of the newly posted Symphony.
The household has grown by one. Info will come when I can put it out. Gotta go, the new baby is crying.
The weekly Snark Hunt is in fine fettle. Wander over and bag one for yourself.
The Letter of the Day is "W".
"W" is for Welcome, as in "Welcome to blogdom, Clancy!"
Clancy is a long time commenter here and elsewhere and he has launched his own blog called "Clancy's View". Click the welcome link above and go say hi.
It’s time to send those submissions in for the Bestofme Symphony. Robert at XSet will be hosting the January 19 edition. To make sure he receives your submissions send them to bestofme@jpeacock.net.
Remember, the only requirements are that you think the post is good and that it be at least 2 months old. Not a blogger? Send in a post from a favorite weblog.
Would you like to be a host for the Symphony? Just send an email to jim@jpeacock.net and let me know.
Want to get handy reminders to submit for the Symphony and to be notified when a new Symphony is posted? Send an email to bestofmereminder@jpeacock.net. Can't get much easier than that now, can it?
As always, thank you for supporting the Bestofme Symphony.
Gwinnett County, where I live, has passed a no-smoking ban. This will go into effect in April and is causing quite a bit of consternation with some local businesses.
Gwinnett Outlaws Indoor Smoking
Lawrenceville, Ga. (AP) -- Gwinnett County commissioners unanimously approved a broad indoor smoking ban on Tuesday.The regulation covers virtually all buildings, public and private, except for smoke shops, private homes and designated smoking rooms in motels or inns.
The law, which makes no exemptions for restaurants or bars, will go into effect in two to three months.
It does not exempt restaurants and bars. Excuse me? Let me read that again. "makes no exemptions for restaurants or bars"
The Letter of the Day is was "V".
"V" is for Vignette. A vignette is a short story or act in a play. This little bit by Harvey qualifies both ways.
The Scene: Dopple-G and I are on the way home from work. It's a beatiful sunny Atlanta day, traffic is light, spirits are high.
Me: So, any plans for next Saturday?
Dopple-G: I plan on not doing any work. Period. No construction. No cleaning. No moving things about. Nothing.
Me: Easy, killer. I'm not trying to get you to do work.
Dopple-G: Yes you are. Any time you have something fun in mind you say "Hey, do you want to do this fun thing next Saturday?" When you are trying to get me to do work you say "So, any plans for next Saturday?" and then I either have to lie and say I've got plans or make up something really quick because as soon as I say that I don't have any plans you'll say "Great, then you can help me do somethingorother" and somethingorother is always work.
This is a flash game that is a definite time hog. As near as I can figure, it's about an American GI in France.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
It's Friday and that means that the odds are better than even for a new Cheddar X! This is one of them there fancy cheddars. The mission was to pick an actor (or actress, I presume) and answer the questions using the titles from his (or her, I presume) body of work. Can you guess which actor is my favorite? I guarantee that everybody has heard of him (or her, I presume) and just about everybody has seen some of his (or her, I presu...forget it, that joke's getting old) movies.
Yesterday my Lovely Wife, she of normally impeccable style and grace, perpetrated a horror upon my household. An unmitigated affront to all that is good and holy was brought into my castle, shattering the previous sanctity of the household. While at the dollar store
[break for diatribe on the dollar store]Isn't the dollar store the bomb? Damn! What a feeling to be able to go into an establishment with the certain knowledge that you can have anything, anything, that your eyes alight upon. Even the certain knowledge that the base concept of the dollar store is either to get people to pay money for landfill items or that it's a complicated plot by the Vast Rightwing Conspiracy to lull the working class into a dull statis of conformity and acceptance of our lot can affect the pure joy rush feeling of financial power that us po' folks get when we walk into such an establishment.
[/break]
she happened upon bags of M&M candies. These are the ultimate favorite universal candy of our household. Any trip to a store that has checkout aisles will elicit joyous and demanding cries of "MMMMSSSS! MMMMSSSS!" in three part harmony. Lovely Wife quite quickly took advantage of the presence of large M&M bags for a dollar and stuffed several in the shopping cart. Without. Looking. At. The. Bags.
Miss Kelley has invited you to a blogmeet this coming Saturday. Unfortunately, I'll be unable to attend. This is my first weekend since November where I have zero committments and I'll be spending the days doing fun and interesting things with the boys and the evenings doing fun and interesting things to Lovely Wife. Y'all should go though - at least long enough to snap some pictures for blackmail purposes.
Our mutt is in need of a doggy dentist. He's got some bad tartar build up as well as gingivitis. As a result, his gums are sensitive. He's come up with a solution to the hard dog chow problem until we take His Dogginess to the cleaners. He picks up the dry food and drops it in his water dish. He leaves it and comes back to it a while later when it is soft and mushy so it's easy to eat.
Is he overly clever or am I anthropomorphizing?
We lost another couple of people here. We have three software products, each with their own teams. The one that was affected was the very old static product that was purchased whole from Big Blue years back. They were re-organized to fall under Customer Service instead of Development and one full timer and one part timer (both tech support) got pink slips.
It really was a reorganization though, not a cost cutting manuever. I talked with the full time fellow and he said he's been expecting it for a while. It's an aged product that has not been able to replace customer attrition with new sales and there simply wasn't enough work to justify the number of support personnel. He's not overly concerned about the job loss either. This will give him the chance to join a professional bass tour. I work with unique individuals here.
We also had a company meeting where the Pres explained the changes, why they were made, and told us that this was the extent of organizational changes that are planned. He meant, of course, to tell us that no more positions are being cut but I wish he'd just come out and said that point blank. The way he couched it sounds like there are no more changes planned at all and I know of at least one position that is being added. I hope that doesn't come back to bite him with a loss of credibility.
Am I in danger? No. There's no realistic way that my position could be org'd out and I am a virtual wizard at my job so there are no performance reasons that I'd be sent off. What bothers me the most about the recent terminations is that I didn't know about them before they happened. You see, in my last job I knew about such things well in advance of them happening. I knew about them in the discussion phase and was a part of the decision process for some of them. In this job I'm totally out of the loop and that's a big change that didn't really come to my attention until now.
And I don't like it. I love surprises when they are of the gift wrapped variety but I do not like them at the company that I get my rent payments from. I guess I'm going to have to see about growing into a management position.
When I was 6, I asked him where babies came from, and he said, "The stork!"
I replied incredulously, "You fucked a stork?"
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter! Get your power through the phone line.
You got your peanut butter on my chocolate! Get your internet access through the electric line.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
Welcome to the 69th edition of the Carnival of the Vanities. Hosting this bear has been quite a fun experience. As I received the entries piecemeal I was actually able to read all of them instead of cherry picking that I usually do. Some are great, some are phenomenal, some I agree with and some I don't. Without a doubt though, they're all quality posts. I've presented them in the order they were received as it turned out to be a pretty nice tour the way they came in. Plus I'm incredibly lazy and that's the easiest way to do it.
Next week's Carny will be held at PoliBlog. Without further ado, here's the Carnival of the Vanities, 69th Edition:
Answer honestly and you will be amazed by my mental prowess as my powerful psychic powers probe the recesses of your mind to extract what you are thinking of. Sorry for all of the math but it is important to set the channels of your inner mind along a path I can interpret. Simply answer the questions below as quickly as possible then follow the instructions.
What is 5 + 1?What is 3 + 3?
What is 2 + 4?
What is 1 + 5?
What is 4 + 2?
Say the word "SIX" out loud as fast as possible for 15 seconds.
What is the first vegetable you can think of?
Click here to see your vegetable
I also know about that thing you did last Tuesday.
(Hat tip to Auntie N)
The East Point (Georgia) Police Department is on the cutting edge of law enforcement with this progressive and budgetary friendly initiative.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
I can't believe that I forgot to mention that today is Crappy Post Day*!
I suspended Crappy Post Day over the holidays as it would have been an almost daily occurence and I didn't want to rename the blog to Snooze Button Crap. But since the holiday fury is over and the out of town guests are all departed (as in "gone", not "dead") I've actually started writing real posts again, which means the return of Crappy Post Day. Yay!
* Crappy Post Day is what happens when I haven't the time to write up an actual amusing or meaninful post using my very own prodigious writing talents. All you get on Crappy Post Day are links to other places and stuff fed to me by my many contributors (mainly Lovely Wife and Dopple-G).
Proper handling of hazardous substances is no joke. Just look at the possible repercussions of treating this one the wrong way:
So whatever did happen to Beavis, that icon of wastrel youth, foil to Butthead and whacker off in tool sheds? He's alive and well in Oregon.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
"Thee" being Howard Dean, of course. Don't worry, this blog is not in danger of becoming a political soap box. I just had a conversation with a Dean supporter that made me actually think of why I don't like him, both as a person and as a candidate for the presidency. Don't worry, it's a short list.
- I'm still pissed that he called me a gun lovin', fag hatin', racist, religious fanatic.
- I don't like the fact that he wants to triple my personal federal tax burden.
- He's a class-A hypocrite. I'm talking Hillary level.
- He's a socialist.
I could forgive any of these (especially the last one, since it's totally made up) except #2. Stay away from my money, you stinkin' blighter.
There's a message board as you come into the office. They'll put up things like "Welcome Company X" when we have visitors coming in or "Product Y Classes Are Being Held In The Training Room" and stuff like that. When there's nobody due to visit and no other message to be displayed they put up quotations. Some are good, some aren't. I have a problem with the one that is up right now:
The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.
Isn't this comparable to saying "Our product blows monkey chunks. We have a shit load to do before we can pass this crap off as worthwhile"?
Rich Bushnell has a new site. His Bowling For Truth site is a fantastic piece of work dedicated to exposing the dirty underside of Michael Moore's award winning travesty. The new site is all about Al Franken and shows us the blatant lies in Franken's latest work of unintentional fiction.
I despise Al Franken and Rich's site goes a goodly way towards showing you why. It's not because of his politics or his opinions, it's because he's a vicious smear artist who has such little respect for his own audience that he'll blatantly lie straight to their faces in order to make his points.
The Bestofme Symphony is up and in fine fettle at Ilyka Damen's place. Wow, she kicked ass with this one. Go and enjoy the best Monday read in the Blogosphere.
Would you like to host the Symphony? Send me a note.
Submit to the Symphony: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission info. Entries should always be sent to bestofme@jpeacock.net regardless of who the Symphony host is.
Spread the word: Webloggers, give Ilyka a round of applause and some link love. I'll thank you, she'll thank you and your readers will thank you. That's a lot of thank yous, you know. Hard to pass up a bargain like that, isn't it?
Email Reminders: If you'd like to be sent a reminder about the Symphony, drop me a line at this address. It's not a mailing list, just me sending out friendly little reminders. There'll be one on Thursday or Friday to remind you to submit for the next Symphony and one on Monday with the location of the newly posted Symphony.
Oh, lovely, lovely cheese. Everything is better with cheese. Except perhaps ice cream but the verdict is still out on that one.
T'other night Lovely Wife made mac 'a cheese. This is not the blue box dinner I speak of. Such prepared cheese like food product is anathema to the palate. No, I speak of true lucious homemade mac 'a cheese, wherein the macaroni serves merely as a vehicle to carry the delicious and savory cheese.
Why is this news, you ask? Because I am the cheese meister of the household. I am the undisputed champion chef for cheesy goodness of the macaroni variety. My mac 'a cheese is of a world class. Check that. My mac 'a cheese is beyond that. There is no mac 'a cheese anywhere, prepared by anybody, that approaches the cheesy perfection of my dish. Mac 'a cheese is way at the top of my comfort foods list. It's created with love and many years of "touch". I make the hell out of mac 'a cheese.
And Lovely Wife was going to attempt to follow my recipe to duplicate my gastronomical perfection? Let us just say that the recipe is...less than detailed:
Or at least get it off of Blog*Spot. So far almost 50 weblogs have joined the Great Blog*Spot Exodus. This is one hell of a deal. Free hosting for three years and experienced MT veterans to get your weblog set up. The only money expense is domain registration and that's a measly $5.99.
What are you [*cough* Ryan *cough*] waiting for? You [*cough* Ryan *cough*] know who you [*cough* Ryan *cough*] are.
UPDATE: There's a little sense of urgency here too, as the free hosting offer ends on January 21.
POINTS: 2 points for the first person to identify my source for the title of this post. No searchifying!
The Snark are running over at Electric Venom. Better bring some heavy gauge equipment though as it's a sizeable herd this week.
Get those submissions in for the first Symphony to be hosted outside of Snooze Button Dreams. The Bestofme Symphony road tour starts this coming Monday with Ilyka Damen. Submissions received through midnight on Sunday (Eastern Standard Time) will be included in Monday's Symphony. Anything received after the cutoff will go into the following week's edition.
Submission Guidelines & Symphony Info
Host a Bestofme Symphony. The tour schedule is filling up nicely but there are many concert dates still available.
Webloggers: How about a little linky love to help drum up submissions for Ilyka's Symphony? She's just a girl so she needs all the help we can give her. [Pardon me for a moment while I dodge that uppercut.]
All y'all: You can submit any post, whether it's yours or not and whether you're a blogger or not. It only has to be good (in your opinion) and 2 months old.
Thanks for your support!
Bacon has a hard time with the "V" sound and he tends to avoid it or substitute different sounds for it. Instead of "vanilla" he uses "Tamilla" (the "N" changes to an "M" because, let's face it, "tamilla" just sounds better than "tanilla"). I expect that if he ever tried to go for "Veritable" it would come out like "Terrible" and I don't even want to think what he'd do to "Vertiginous" or "Versimilitude". But give the kid a break, he's only 3.
I myself had problems mastering some phonemes when I was a lad. Specifically I couldn't do the "TR" sound as in "Strum" or "Triangle". Those came out as "Fum" and "Fangle" respectively as I tended to substitute an "F" for the "TR" and whatever might come before it.
You see where this is going? Of course you do.
It was a bit of an embarassment to Mom when we were in a fairly nice restaurant, seated by a window and enjoying a fine meal, when my small but eagle-keen eyes spotted quite the cool lorry driving by. This was a car carrier and my little brain was very excited over the large vehicle carrying an assortment of autos.
"Momma! Fuck! Momma! Fuck!" I cried joyously as I pointed out of the window.
"James Robert! Stop that this instant" replied my less than thrilled mother.
"No, look Momma! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" my small but increasingly voluble voice rang out. I stood up on my chair pointing excitedly as the truck motored out of sight, belting out ever more strident yells of "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"
"James Robert Peacock! You sit down this instant! Oh, my sweet Lord!" The last part was somewhat muffled as her face had lowered into her hands by this time.
As the truck had passed from view I obliged her, trailing off with one last "You see fuck?" as I reclaimed my seat. Mom didn't finish her dinner that night if I recall correctly.
I'm sure you can see now why I'm not overly concerned with Bacon's "V" thing.
Fish n chips' UK credentials under fire
LONDON (Reuters) - The reputation of fish and chips as Britain's national dish has taken a battering after a historian said the classic meal originated elsewhere.
Ye gads! If not from the fair island nation then where, pray tell, where? Please don't say France.
Panikos Panayi, history professor at Leicester's De Montfort University, said his studies had shown deep-fried battered fish and potatoes were a mixture of French "pommes frites"...
I said NOT to say France! Bloody nubber!
...and fried fish dishes brought by Jewish immigrants.
Ah ha! I am so going to hold this over everybody who ever told me they didn't like kosher food.
"Over time it has become anglicised," he told Reuters. "It has almost become part of Britain."
It's certainly become part of the blood vessels of Britain.
Panayi, who is studying how immigration and globalisation have affected the British diet, said food brought in by immigrants often evolved once it reached the country's shores.
So there you have it. Brit culture is really just a combination of Frog and Hebrew. Might as well put down that pint and grab up a bottle of wine, mates.
I have the best sex on buses and subways.
Q: What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
The Letter of the Day is was "U".
"U" is for Unlawful. Some of the unlawful things that students are getting arrested for include wearing a shirt that is too short and turning off the lights in the bathroom.
A local court official says only 2 percent of students referred to the juvenile justice system had committed a serious offense, such as assaulting a teacher.
So 98% of the things that these kids are getting arrested are for the things I used to get sent to detention for? I guess "U" is also for "Unbelievable".
Also see the Joanne Jacobs post that the CS&W post refers to. The ultimate source is a NYT article and I don't link those because they require registration.
It's time for the Cheddar X!
No I do NOT hate you, your religion, your race, your sexual disposition, your nationality (except those misfortunate enough to be French) or any other minority slice you lay claim to.
Actually the French comment above is especially topical here as the email I'm responding to was indeed from a froggy. Why do we Americans, particularly this American, hate the French? The short answer is "We don't" or at a bare minimum "I don't". The somewhat longer answer is "Because you are cheese eating surrender monkeys" but that is way overused so I'm not going to go there.
We lost a vice president and the alarm and door lock codes have been changed. The alarm code changes when somebody who has it leaves the company. The door code changes when somebody is "evicted from service". This brings us to one of the company maxims here:
The door code is only changed when somebody is fired. If you get here in the morning and the door code doesn't work, it was you.
Anybody have an amusing company maxim to share?
I pretty much agreed with Trey about this. Although it would have been a pretty stupid manuver for us regular folk, it's a bit different when Steve Irwin is carrying the baby. That was before I thought about it from the animal's point of view.
I've got a black belt in tung-fu.
A flame about three feet high.
Dopple-G sent me this story today and I almost pissed my pants it's so funny. You have been warned.
Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing the oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his little beady eyes. His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, “Banzai!†or maybe, “Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!†as the leap was spectacular and he flew over the windshield and impacted me squarely in the chest.
Put your coffee down and read it all here.
UPDATE: Just realized this is also the Letter of the Day. "T" is for Terrifying. What could be more terrifying than traveling 80 mph down a residential street with an enraged squirrel in your helmet?
...and rather difficult when firing on full auto.
A few weeks before the holidays I had the pleasure of going to one of the local gun ranges with Dopple-G and The Godfather. That's The Godfather of child #1, as opposed to the Godfather of child #2, who would be Dopple-G himself.
It was a blast. I haven't done a lot of weapon firing in my life. In fact I believe there were a total of 3 occurences before this trip to the range. The first was as a youngster, maybe 9 or 10, while down at Uncle Namesake's farm. One day everybody loaded up into the Suburban and went to the firing range. I had a fun time with the .22 rifle and then a very painful time with the .30-06 rifle (which I fired exactly once and nursed a sore shoulder for the next couple of days).
Trey Givens went patriotic with his redesign, working in a very nice scheme of red, white and blue that only a commie could dislike. Give it a look and let him know what you think.
My favorite aspect of the new look? That sweet stylized "TG" you see at the picture at the top of the site and the lead-in for the post titles. Anybody care to work up a fancy "JP" for me?
And yet something's missing. Trey, if you're serious about "perpetuating the stereotypes that homosexuals battle on a daily basis" then where are the ferns?
With the unprecedented success of the 3 Lord of the Rings movies it was pretty much a no-brainer that director Peter Jackson would get the chance to make the prequel to the LOTR storyline, The Hobbit. What isn't well known is Jackson's concerns over making The Hobbit, the movie.
As readers of the books can easily attest, The Hobbit is by far the weakest of the four books. This will put the pressure on Jackson to create a movie on par with the 3 already completed. He is going to have to do it with a greatly reduced budget as well. The special effects that were such a grand part of the blockbuster movies will not be much of a factor in the rather pedantic Hobbit storyline and the movie is budgeted accordingly.Added to this is the problem of characters. Both the Bilbo Baggins (played by Ian Holm)and Gandalf (played by Ian McKellen) characters appear in The Hobbit but that storyline occurs many years before the time of the other movies. Jackson has resolved this issue by recasting the parts. Leonard Nimoy has been cast to play the younger Gandalf. At the time of this writing it is unknown who will play the lead roll of Bilbo Baggins.
Despite his difficulties and concerns, Jackson remains upbeat and optimistic over his new movie project.
I'm happy that Peter Jackson remains optimistic but if you're a fan of the first three movies and you've seen The Hobbit advanced teaser trailer you might agree with me that there is some definite cause for concern. If you haven't seen it yet you should probably take a minute to do so and form your own opinion.
Well, I'm "protected" now. Lovely Wife went out last night and bought me a 12 pack of the little plasticine things. It's not that I didn't want to use them earlier, honest. It was more a question of price than anything else. I mean, you don't "need" them so it's really just wasted money, right? And why are they so bloody expensive anyway?
I put the first one on as soon as she got home last night. That was a bit wierd, let me tell you. Fortunately the fit wasn't off by as much as I'd feared. Almost a perfect fit, actually. They make these things in a bunch of sizes but Lovely Wife has a good eye and matched them up very well.
This week's Carnival is being hosted by American Realpolitik. Holiday dropoff is a thing of the past but this Carnival is put together in clean style with excellent post descriptions so it's an easy tour.
Snooze Button Dreams is proud to host the 69th edition (no I didn't finagle that, it just worked out that way) of the Carnival of the Vanities next week. Submissions for the January 14th Carnival should be sent to carnival@jpeacock.net.
On the subject of submissions, get your Bestofme Symphony submissions in to Ilyka for next week's edition. These still get submitted to bestofme@jpeacock.net.
The Letter of the Day is "S".
"S" is for Sanity. That's what Jack over at The People's Republic of Seabrook is pleading for from what has been an increasingly vehement Democratic party. Unfortunately the majority of positive responses are coming from the right so I don't know if the message is getting through.
I've had 989 comments since moving here to Munuviana*. 11 more to the magical 1000. That's pretty cool and will probably happen tonight or tomorrow morning. I think I'll commemmorate the occasion with a 2 point gift to the poster of the magical 1000th comment.
* I have no idea how many comments I had back on Blog*Spot.
Washington (Reuters) - Britney Joins the Nation of Islam
Pop sensation Britney Spears has become the most recent celebrity to join the ranks of the african-american-centric Nation of Islam. Spear's conversion to Islam follows on the heels of her two day long marriage and subsequent annulment to childhood pal Jason Alexander.The black separatist religious organization has a longstanding policy of accepting only non-white members. In a prepared statement, spokesman Louis Farrakhan explained the exception was made for Ms.Spears "Cause the girl gots soul. We're talkin' Aretha Franklin soul."
Spears was unavailable for comment but her press agent Schreck Menteur explained that "It was a joke that just went too far. Britney will be getting an annulment...that is, Britney will be getting rebabtized in the Christian faith...as soon as the churches open on Sunday."
Menteur stronly denied that this was yet another publicity grabbing stunt intended to cast some sort of attention on the flagging pop star's career. An insider to the Spear's camp confirms this, saying that it is merely the next in a series of "Britney thinks it's a joke" jokes. Having completed the "Britney thinks marriage is a joke" and "Britney thinks Islam is a joke" stunts, the anonymous insider says that Spears is now planning "Britney thinks pregnancy is a joke" and "Britney thinks terrorism is a joke" gags.
Will this ever get put to rest? Apparently not.
Congress To Investigate Heightened Terror AlertCritics Say Lack Of An Attack Indicates White House Deception
Ryan's got the scoop. Blogger archive isn't working well but it's just one post down the page (January 02 entry).
...when you don't realize that the top button of the shirt is buttoned until after your arms are already starting into the sleeves you may rest assured that you look like a total dork.
What's better in the morning than a hot cuppa coffee and a handful of my wife's bundt? Nuthin, that's what.
It is firm yet yielding to the tongue. By the nibble or the mouthful you just can't beat that moist delicious bundt.
Mmmmmmmmmm...
It's been always burnin' since the world's been turnin'. The best we can get is somebody to watch over it and make sure it doesn't get out of control. This week the Bonfire of the Vanities is minded by Boots and Sabres. Feel free to go and warm yourself by the flames. It's safe.
Points: 2 points to the first person to source the title & first line of this post. No googlin', just grey matter searches please.
Fifteen entries from a dozen participants makes this Symphony a delightfully easy listen read.
The Bestofme Symphony will be going on tour starting next week. The concert schedule is in the sidebar to the right. Would you like to host the Symphony? Send me a note.
Submit to the Symphony: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission info. Entries may always be sent to bestofme@jpeacock.net regardless of who the Symphony host is.
Spread the word: Webloggers, all I wanted for Christmas was your immortal souls Bestofme Symphony link love. Now is your chance to make my dreams come true without spending a dime!
Email Reminders: If you'd like to be sent a reminder about the Symphony, drop me a line at this address. It's not a mailing list, just me sending out friendly little reminders. There'll be one on Thursday or Friday to remind you to submit for the next Symphony and one on Monday when the new Symphony is posted.
Without further ado, I present the fifth edition of the Bestofme Symphony:
The numbers are in. Thanks to everybody who linked to me in December. Special kudos to the top dogs:
Top 10 Referers for December
Everyday Stranger
Electric Venom
Anger Management
Rachel Lucas
XSet
Phillip Coons
Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon
Wizbang
Wetwired
Jennifer's History and Stuff
I'm going to work this into the sidebar. Of course I said that last month too so no breath holding, please!
Get those submissions in for the Bestofme Symphony! Submissions received through midnight on Sunday (Eastern Standard Time) will be included in Monday's Symphony. Anything received after the cutoff will go into the following week's edition.
It's another holiday week and that means another week of light submissions. Last week saw a late rally to bring the Symphony up to snuff and I've got my fingers crossed for a repeat performance. This will be the last Symphony held at Snooze Button Dreams for a while as the Symphony will be going on tour the week following. Help me to send it off in style!
Submission Guidelines & Symphony Info
Host a Bestofme Symphony. Be the envy of your neighborhood and get on the Leader Board at the same time!
Webloggers: Link to this post and you'll get a tiny bit of good karma. This can be redeemed for valuable prizes in the afterlife.
All y'all: You can submit any post, whether it's yours or not and whether you're a blogger or not. It only has to be good (in your opinion) and 2 months old.
Thanks for your support!
A little New Year's Cheddar for your enjoyment:
1. How do you organize your music?
I don't. Once long ago there was a purposeful random disorganization along with a detailed index. The index got out of date so it was abandoned. I've tried once or twice to put the CD's in alphabetical order but that only lasts for a relatively short time. On my PC at work I do have one slight bit of organization. One folder has classical music, the other has everything else.
2. Do you have more online or more hard copy music?
Hard copy. I have some MP3s ripped to my PC at work for listening there but I have none at home.
3. What are your three most favorite bands you found or heard of online?
None. I've never found a one of 'em online.
4. What are your New Year's resolutions, if any?
I posted those in the Resolutional a couple days ago.
5. How did you do on your last year's resolutions?
I don't know. I can't remember if I made any last year. If you've read the post linked in #4 above you've probably caught that I'm not huge on resolutions.
Hope you had a wonderful celebration and that your noggins are in one piece this morning.
