In a word...revenge.
Young kids do not understand the concept of conservation of energy. They go flat out until they are out of juice and then they collapse wherever they are. When they've got the flu this can happen at the drop of a hat since their little bodies are already running low on go stuff and they tend to get knocked out by the flu medicine.
Yesterday at around 5:30 Lovely Wife noticed a sudden shift in the ambient noise level. I was on the love seat making hideous Magna-Doodle drawings for Burger and she was in the dining room. She called out "Is Bacon asleep?" Sure enough he was passed out on the couch.
Our household has been battling the plague flu since Christmas. On Sunday the boys and I spent a good chunk of our day passed out in the living room. I started feeling better on Monday and yesterday I actually felt pretty good. I figured I was over it and well on my way to my normal, healthy state.
Wrongo! This morning I woke up to find that somebody had snuck in while I slept and pumped about a gallon of mucous into my sinuses. Chewy mucous. That would have been bad enough but he also aparently used my head for a bass drum for a few hours and inserted a feather duster into my windpipe.
The Carnival of the Vanities 2003 Finale is up at Hypocrisy and Hypotheses. It's a fairly light read this week due to so many bloggers being out and about for the holidays. Light compared to a typical Carnival anyway, it's still a monster compared to the Bestofme Symphony. For now. ;-)
I got an email from a disgruntled reader (as opposed to my many gruntled readers) who accused me of being a homophobe and "perpetuating the stereotypes that homosexuals battle on a daily basis".
First point. Am I a homophobe? Absolutely not. I have no fear of homosexuals. I am extremely confident in my own heterosexuality so I don't have any problem with joking about that of others (or my own). It's not a reflection of fear, it's an attempt to make people laugh. And they do. Are they all homophobes?
The Letter of the Day is was "R".
You need to use "R" twice to accurately describe French coverage of the U.S.-led war in Iraq.
PARIS - Reporter Alain Hertoghe's book accused the French press of not being objective in its coverage of the U.S.-led war in Iraq. His newspaper fired him.The book, "La Guerre a Outrances" (The War of Outrages), criticizes the French reporting for continually predicting the war would end badly for the U.S.-led coalition.
"As soon as there were a couple of wounded, of dead, they were talking about Vietnam, Stalingrad," Hertoghe said.
"The French public was so carried away," he said. The journalists, he wrote in the book, "dreamed of an American defeat."
Besides war coverage in La Croix, the book examines that of the independent Le Monde, the conservative Le Figaro, the leftist Liberation and the regional daily Ouest-France, which has the largest circulation in France.
Over three weeks, the five papers carried 29 headlines condemning Saddam's dictatorship and 135 blaming Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair.
(Hat tip to BigWig)
Normally the tradition is to light the fire at midnight but when you've got this much refuse to burn you've gotta start early. Go and enjoy the festivities at the special year end wrap-up of the Bonfire of the Vanities.
In 2004, I resolve to:
- Drink more
- Eat more
- Cuss more
- Diddle both myself and others on a far less frequent basis
- Blow more cash on gadgets and jeejaws
- Get into massive debt
- See #4 again
- Develop a hair-trigger temper
- Totally obsess over the upcoming elections
- One more time for #4
You see, I don't hold a lot of truck with New Years Resolutions. If you need to change something, the fact that you profess it at the beginning of the year doesn't really do anything towards helping you accomplish the change. And doesn't it have some sort of "New Wave Psychic Confessional" feel to have people parading out what they think are their worst habits in need of changing? Some wierd "Resolutional" vibe?
Besides that, I like to win and the typical resolution has a distinct chance of failure. With my way, failing to keep my resolutions is actually a success for me personally. On the odd chance that I do keep one then I've succeeded in keeping a resolution. Either way, I win.
Do you have any items to get off your chest at the Resolutional?
The scene: Driving home with Dopple-G, listening to some Christmas carols on the radio.
Dopple-G: Who's singing this one?
Me: Tammy Wynette.
Dopple-G: Really?
Me: Sounds like her
A new singer takes the next verse. It's a dreaded multi-singer carol.
Dopple-G: I hate when they do that. A song should have one singer.
Me: Unless it's a chorus.
Dopple-G: Yeah, like the Vienna Boys Choir. They rock.
Me: Or if it's meant to be a duet.
Dopple-G: Like what?
Me: That medley one...Little Drummer Boy.
Dopple-G: Little Drummer Boy isn't a medley.
Me: You know the one I mean. With Bing Crosby and whats-his-name. That gay guy, Commander Tom.
Dopple-G: That gay guy, Commander Tom?
Me: David Bowie.
Dopple-G: I know, I just never heard him described as "that gay guy, Commander Tom".
Me: But you knew exactly who I was thinking of, didn't you?
Dopple-G: Harumph.
Let it be known far and wide that from this point forward David Bowie shall forevermore be known as "That gay guy, Commander Tom".
Not even a nibble for a blogger willing to take the Bestofme Symphony out on tour? Very well then, I'll resort to bribery. The first person to volunteer to host the Symphony will get 5 points. That's enough to put you smack dab in the middle of the Leader Board. Or for somebody already on the board to surge to the top. Point reward will decrease by one for each host after that until it gets to one point, where it will stay. Yes, that's right - you heard correctly. Every Symphony host will get at least one point. Hot damn!
There are other benefits to conducting the Symphony, though. First, the schedule of Symphonies will be in my sidebar with a link to the appropriate blogs. Second, when you actually host the Symphony you'll get massive amounts of traffic and probably pick up some new regular readers. Third, I'll name my next child after you.
Okay, so we're not having any more kids, but if we were I'd do that!
Conducting the Symphony is as painless as possible. The only requirements are:
- No censorship - If you have a problem with a post, posts, abuse of the Symphony, etc, just pass it to me for resolution.
- Post it on the scheduled Monday.
- Email me when you post it.
Pretty easy, eh? Some suggestions that have worked for me:
- For the honor spot (first link in the Symphony), find a post from a blog on your own blogroll. This is sweet for two reasons. First, it gets you looking back into the archives of blogs you already like - something that might not happen otherwise. Second, it gets great exposure for a blog that you like.
- For the closing entry (last link in the Symphony), find a post from your own blog's archives.
- Consider emailing the people who submitted entries when you've got the link for the newly posted Symphony. It helps get the word out that the Symphony is up and it gets links to the Symphony.
- Keep it simple. Yes, big is beautiful but simple is readable. You don't have to be as spartan as I am but I definitely recommend keeping it relatively clean and neat as opposed to colorful and complicated.
I'm planning on putting the Symphony on the road starting with the January 13 edition as I'll be hosting the Carnival of the Vanities that week and the two together might be a bit overwhelming. So who's up to the job? Just email me or post in the comments here if you are interested.
UPDATE: Bribery works! We've got 2 and a half volunteer conductors already. Sidebar schedule to come out some time today.
UPDATE 2: Sidebar schedule added and Leader Board updated. Who else wants some?
LeeAnn might have the tops for wacked out searches but my humble site attracts its own share of wierdness. Here's a couple from over the holiday weekend (Paris and Joe searches excluded because they bore me now):
cruise missile stops at red light
Is that why Bill couldn't bag Osama?
look my vagina
Where? I missed it. Come back!
boner hard-on peeing
This is actually a competitive sport in remote regions of Nepal.
boy in plastic pants
You're too late! I've destroyed the film evidence.
things women hate about men
This again? If I told you once, I've told you a dozen times, it's our inability to find anything that has been moved by our evil significant others who then tell us to look past our own noses before yelling out "Where the hell is my toothbrush"! Or something like that.
Cheese is best when properly aged so this extremely late Cheddar X should be phenomenal!
The fourth performance of the Bestofme Symphony has 16 participants and 22 submissions. Several readers rallied to find favorites in the archives of their blog reads to make sure we had a symphony instead of an ensemble. Special thanks to Jennifer, Susie and Ilyka for their extra-blogular submissions.
Submit to the Symphony: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission info.
Spread the word: Webloggers, how about a post linking to this Symphony? Participation was astounding this week, considering that overall blogging is so light over the Christmas weekend, but your continued support is what's keeping the Bestofme Symphony in concert.
Email Reminders: If you'd like to be sent a reminder about the Symphony, drop me a line at this address. It's not a mailing list, just me sending out friendly little reminders. There'll be one on Thursday or Friday to remind you to submit for the next symphony and one on Monday with a link to the freshly posted Symphony.
Without further ado, I present the fourth edition of the Bestofme Symphony:
Get those submissions in for the Bestofme Symphony! Submissions received through midnight on Sunday (Eastern Standard Time) will be included in Monday's Symphony. Anything received after the cutoff will go into the following week's edition.
Traffic is pretty light due to the holiday and some DNS problems so the Symphony is looking a bit like an ensemble at the moment. That means I'll be even more grateful than usual for any submissions you send in.
Submission Guidelines & Symphony Info
Want to host a Bestofme Symphony?
Webloggers: How about some link love?
All y'all: Remember that you don't have to be the author of a post in order to submit it.
Thanks for your support!
Holiday greetings go out to all of my regular readers. Heck, same for all of my readers who aren't regular. A bit of constipation is no reason to deny greetings now, is it? ;-)
It was pure unadulterated chaos here this morning but things have settled down a bit. For a couple more minutes until our shortest child (the evil one) wakes up from his nap anyway.
Here's hoping your Christmas is as happy as ours!
Or better yet, hurl him from a catapult.
(Credit to Dopple-Claus)
An original composition for your enjoyment. Don't read this one to the kids:
That pole to the north is a nasty old place
Where elves take their turns sitting on Santa's face.
Mrs. Claus lays around passing her gasses
while reindeer jerk off with corn cobs in their asses.
The geese are all too scared to sit
They know if they eat they'll end up on a spit.
The turkeys, all hens, have now formed a coven
To keep their collective ass from the oven.
The angel atop the ol' Christmas tree
Performs sexual favors, of course there's a fee.
In the workshop they're making some last minute dolls
but the Barbies are mad 'cause the Kens have no balls.
The Kringle's away, in his bathroom he's toking
The Feds want to know what it is he is smoking.
Rudolph and friends might be ready to fly
But Santa got baked and is already high.
The night wears on long but no Santa appears
So the reindeer put back the corn cobs in their rears.
The elves check in and find Santa a snoozin'
They vacate their jobs and start seriously boozin'.
Will Christmas have to be cancelled then?
No presents, no tree, and no Christmas hen?
What happens when it turns out Santa don't give a fart?
Don't worry kids, there's always Wal-Mart.
(See the full post at Ho ho holy shit!)
Is it just me or when you see one of those orange Asplundh trucks do the words "Ass Plunge" go through your head?
...on the Bonfire of the Vanities. The worst of the blogosphere is once again offered up for your derision. It's worth checking out for Kevin's disses though. He's getting damned good at 'em.
The bonfire is going to be raging across the blogosphere starting in January. If you're interested in hosting it then check your head for loose rocks 'cause you could be hosting the Bestofme Symphony instead.
Winds of Change is hosting a special Christmas spirit Carnival of the Vanities. They used my very favorite format - "easy to read".
Okay, so maybe it wasn’t a good idea to drink quite so much. And maybe he could have behaved just a bit better at dinner. It probably wasn’t a great idea to tell the kids the truth about Santa, either. Still, is that any reason to be kicked out of the house and dis-invited to the Christmas morning festivities?
So Rob sat in his living room mulling over the evening debacle, nursing his whiskey on the rocks in front of the fire. All alone on Christmas Eve and thinking about the Christmas Day he would spend equally alone.
It just wasn’t fair! They were his nephews and he was just looking out for their own best interests. His parents had played the Santa game with him until he was ten years old. That was when he discovered the truth in humiliating style in front of what seemed at the time like the entirety of his school class. He just didn’t want his nephews to go through that painful ordeal. Was it so very wrong to try to protect them?
Apparently it was, at least to his sister. She had gone ballistic when little Spence ran up to her crying and bawling about how Santa wasn’t real, Uncle Rob said so. She’d tried to reassure the little fellow but to no avail. She’d dragged Robert into the parlor and tore strips off his hide but he had refused to recant and tell the kids that there really was a Santa Claus. So she had called him a cab and thrown him out on the front porch to wait for it, after making it oh so perfectly clear that he was not to return the next day.
Robert at XSet won the auction for Tidings of Comfort and Joy. Robert has asked that I extend the holiday wishes and thanks to all of the people who participated in that auction and I am very happy to oblige him.
To Robert, Suebear, Clancy, Mog, R Stevens in Meriden CT, The Wizeke Family (Lara, John, Fido and Talum) in Princeton NJ, and those participants who I could not identify beyond their eBay handles (igorxa, argyle-, ccalzone, jchammons and katrus), I say thank you from myself and my family. You caught the spirit of my auction and responded well beyond my wildest dreams. I sincerely hope that you and yours will enjoy a beautiful holiday and wish you the very best of new years.
The proceeds from the auction have not yet been spent, though they do have a dedicated purpose. We had our own friends and family in for a holiday visit so did not have the opportunity to complete our holiday mission yet. The money from the auction will be used for ice skating by myself, my Lovely Wife and our three children. Here in the Atlanta area there are not a whole lot of opportunities for skating. There is a seasonal rink in downtown Duluth and the $42 will just about cover skate rental and rink fees for the five of us (with maybe enough left over for some hot cocoa). This is something that we would simply not be doing without this unexpected good fortune. You've given us a very wonderful gift - a celebration of family and fun with an experience that will be new and special for our children (and hopefully not too hard on the fannies of myself and Lovely Wife).
Once again, our sincerest thanks go out to you along with our wishes for a wonderful holiday and a spectacular new year.
And there were in the same country shepherds, abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them! And they were sore afraid ... And the angel said unto them, "Fear not! For, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all my people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ, the Lord.""And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger." And suddenly, there was with the angel a multitude of the Heavenly Host praising God, and saying, "Glory to God in the Highest, and on Earth peace, and good will toward men."
Starting January 13, the Bestofme Symphony will be going on tour. There will be a couple of requirements for the conductors:
- No censorship - If you receive spammish entries, flooding entries, entries that you find reprehensible, etceteras, check with me. The default is everything goes and the decision to stifle anything will be my burden.
- The first post of the Bestofme Symphony (the first chair?) should be a submission by you for a post in another weblog's archives.
- Post the Symphony on the scheduled date.
And that's it. Not too bad, is it? I suggest keeping it easy to read and navigate but however you want to format it, theme it, etceteras is totally up to you. During the week before your Symphony, all submissions sent to the regular submission address will be forwarded to the email address you specify. You may also email people, post, comment or otherwise make a pest of yourself to drum up support for your performance. When you've posted the Symphony you need to email me so I can send out notices to people on the reminder list. I also send an email to the people who've submitted posts that week and it would be nice if you did the same thing but it's not a requirement.
Anybody still interested? Comment here with the date you would like to conduct the Symphony. First come, first served. Reserved dates are the 26th (Jun 7) and 52nd (Dec 6) performances - anything else is fair game. Don't forget to include the email address that you want submissions forwarded to. If you're leary of posting that in the comments then send it to me via email.
| Date | Conductor |
|---|---|
| Dec 29 | Snooze Button Dreams |
| Jan 6 | Snooze Button Dreams |
| Jan 13 | ?? |
| Jan 20 | ?? |
| Jan 27 | ?? |
| Feb 2 | ?? |
Lovely Wife is out with Dopple-G's wife and their friend from N'Orleans. I was sitting at the dining room table on the lap top (actually I'm doing it again right now!) working on a deliverable for tomorrow and the doorbell rang. I figured it was our next door neighbor and sauntered over to the door and opened it. It was not our next door neighbor.
It was a man. A man I've never seen before. On the tall side, good looking in that all-American quarterback slash valedictorian way. I opened the screen door to shake hands (it's a Southern thing) and said "Hi, what can I do for you?" He replied "I've got a special delivery here for the Peacock Family from a Secret Santa" with a huge and very friendly smile on his face.
Now my mind was in a tizzy at this point. First, when I'm in writing mode my brain tends to get into what I'm writing. Getting my brain functioning in the real world is not a "flick the switch back on" type of deal. Second, the doorbell never but never rings at night. Third, it's some guy who I've never seen at my doorstep. Fourth, there was a car that drove into our dead end street last night, parked across from my house (there are no houses on that side of the street), turned his lights off and sat there idling. After a few minutes he drove over to our side of the street, still with the lights off. Lovely Wife went inside citing the freakiness of the situation. I finished my smoke and started down the walk to see what was up. He drove off down the street with the lights still off.
So what glimmers are sparking in my mind at this moment have little similarity with the situation at hand. He seemed to catch on that I wasn't exactly catching on. With another smile he handed me an envelope. I recovered enough to say "Oh, who is it from?" He gave a friendly laugh and said "Can't say that. It's a secret." Well, duh, Jim. Secret Santa, hello? I thanked him and we exchanged happy holidays and he walked back to his car.
I walked back inside and opened up the envelope. It's a nice holiday card with money in it.
This is just amazing. A Secret Santa delivery to my house. From who? I can't imagine. Rather, I can't help but imagine. Is it someone out there? Thank you, if it is. Heck, thank you whether it's a reader or not. This is so completely unexpected that I'm just flabbergasted. Totally stunned.
Wow.
Or maybe he is a muppet?
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
UPDATE: Link was misformated when originally posted. It's fixed now. Go see the redneck in all his hairy glory.
The first two designs from Robert at XSet are up and viewable. Please take a moment to check them over and comment on the looks:
Elegance (black/white)
Dreamy (blue/orange)
Also, still taking feedback on the design done by The Bartender:
There'll be one more style by Robert coming up and eventually we'll have a nicely skinnable site for your viewing pleasure.
Senator Hillary Clinton was flying cross-country last night and had to make a crash landing in Texas. She was unhurt but reporters were able to get a picture of the wreckage before it was hauled away (in extended entry).
Accent on coming. This is why I love Christmas Carols.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
The third performance of the Bestofme Symphony has an astounding 19 participants and 21 submissions. Why is that astounding (since the previous Symphony had 27 participants)? Because not only is this the holiday week but I did no agressive recruitment. For the innaugural performance I hit up the people on my blogroll. Last week I emailed people who had participated in the Carnival of the Vanities. This week I did nothing but post reminders on my own site and send email to the people on my reminder list. I believe that in only its 3rd week, the Bestofme Symphony has gathered enough momentum to keep itself flying (with your continued support, of course)!
Submit to the Symphony: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission info.
Spread the word: Webloggers, please consider putting up a post linking to this Symphony. The faster this becomes a well known weblog meme, the sooner I'll stop begging you to link to it. See? We all win if you link.
Email Reminders: If you'd like to be sent a reminder about the Symphony, drop me a line at this address. It's not a mailing list, just me sending out friendly little reminders. There'll be one on Thursday or Friday to remind you to submit for the next symphony and one on Monday with a link to the freshly posted Symphony.
Without further ado, I present the third edition of the Bestofme Symphony:
I'm linking to this post, which is moderately humorus though by no means overtly link worthy, in order to appease Bunsen.
There, that's two links, Bunsen. Now dance, monkey! Dance!
Happy Anniversary, my Lovely Wife.
The five years that we have been together have been the most fantastic of my life. It hasn't all been roses of course; we've had our fights and disagreements, our problems to work out and things to fix. But for the first time in my life I am in a relationship so completing that there was never an option not to work it out or not to fix things. You are the other half of me and I can't even conceive of life being anything else but together with you.
You've motivated me, inspired me, shown me and guided me. I am so much of a greater person since you came into my life. Thank you for letting me be me but helping me to see just what "me" could be.
You've given me three children who I couldn't love more (despite the little one being so evil) and a life that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
You are my love and my life, my heart, my wife. Happy Anniversary, Sweetie.
*KISS* *HUG* *NIBBLE*
PS - Sorry about using your last Cubis thingy. Maybe you should try it again. And how is Topsy playing these days?
I loved my last job. I mean, it was a seriously kick ass job. I was the Executive Assistant and I set my own tasks, answered only to the President and supported the various Vice Presidents and company officers. I was also the Internal Sales Trainer and filled in at that position during the periods it was vacant. I was also the Network and Communications Assistant. The second part of that meant I managed the phone and email systems. The first part was a bit of a misnomer as the Network Admin was a Unix guy so I was the defacto Network Admin for the Windows computers, servers and supported systems. I also handled analysis and defect tracking for Quality Assurance, wrote apps and databases for QA, the Lab, Sales and Accounts Receivable in addition to scheduling and setting up the Christmas Party (yes, we had an actual Christmas party, not a non-denominational winter get together) and the summer picnic.
I know what y'all are thinking right now. An office of 10 people where I was the Jack of All Trades. No, my friends, it was a manufacturing company with a couple hundred employees and over $10 million in annual sales. I just worked like a dog in my many roles. And I loved it. There was always something to do and always something to learn. I was depended upon by the majority of the non-union staff and a goodly portion of the union boys (and gals) as well. It paid squat but we made do with the salary and I was compensated with just about any training class I could at least partially justify.
So why did I leave this job that I liked so well? I'm glad you asked. Partially it was because we were aiming to move down south. Partially it was because that meager salary was getting closer and closer to not quite covering things. Partially it was their fault. You see, they destroyed my faith in the management and direction of the company. They lied to me, y'all.
Don't forget to send in your submissions for the Bestofme Symphony! Submissions received through midnight on Sunday (Eastern Standard Time) will be included in Monday's Symphony. Anything received after the cutoff will go into the following week's edition.
Submission Guidelines & Symphony Info
Webloggers: How about some link love?
All y'all: Remember that you don't have to be the author of a post in order to submit it.
Thanks for your support!
Mine costs five and a half million.
Mom lives in Arizona. She used to live there with my Auntie and Dopple-G and his sister. I lived with them for a couple of months and visited other times. One of the cool things we would do was to drive up to Tortilla Flat. It was old and small and incredibly cool. The smallest town in America to have a Federal Post Office!
There was a song we made up about Tortilla Flat. Actually I think my cousin started it up (that's Dopple-G's sister, not Dopple-G himself. Let's just call her Dopplette-G to avoid confusion) and the rest of us just might have added bits to it. I can't remember much of it except there was a line about "They've got roaches in the corners" and the refrain was "If you don't know where you're at it's Tortilla Flat". No, there weren't any roaches and I always knew exactly where I was when we were there. There were only a couple of buildings so it was hard to get lost. It was a fun song though.
I remember there being dollars all over the walls and ceiling in the restaurant. It was like wallpaper. Tourists would write their name on a bill and the proprieter would tack it up. And they had the coolest stuff to buy (I was a kid then, remember). Rattlesnake heads, stuffed coyotes, cactuses. I bought an egg (like the pantyhose used to come in) with a pack of seeds in it and a picture of a giant suguaro cactus on it. Grew that thing for years and it got to about 2 inches high. I think I've still got the can of jackalope milk that I bought there too. Probably cheese by now.
We had a lot of fun there. A lot of memories were made. And now they're selling it.
Anybody got a couple million I could borrow?
(Warned of impending sale by this article)
This above slogan is for Helen, who introduced us to the term "throat yogurt" today. Slogan courtesy of The Advertising Slogan Generator.
Honorable mention to:
- Make Throat Yogurt Yours
- Think Throat Yogurt
- Out Of The Strong Came Forth Throat Yogurt
- Drinka Pinta Throat Yogurt A Day
(Link stolen fair und square from DeAnna)
Two Five Points for the first person to comment where I got "fair und square" from.
Update: I had no idea how esoteric "fair und square" was! I know the answer and it took me over a half hour to find it on the web in the wee hours of the morning. Therefore I have increased the points to five and will give hints:
- Aired in 1975
- Minor villain in a Saturday morning cartoon
And it's decidedly unwise to tempt Ilyka. Sometimes she takes you up on it. Ever get one of those presents that you're not sure whether it's coal or diamonds? Yeah, me too.
As amazing as it may seem, searches on a certain nubile yet skanky, rich, braindead, amateur porn star have faded to the point where other search terms stay in my site logs. Yay! And that means I once again have the opportunity to assist people with the wierd ass things that they are looking for and not quite finding on my site.
sun bitches
I'll need more information for this one. The only thing I can determine for sure is that it involves the French in some fashion.
nemo burger
Sounds yummy, I know, but skinning a clown fish is annoyingly difficult. Try tuna or mahi-mahi.
"little people" dwarf etiquette
One hand on the shirt collar, one hand on the belt. And never toss them before they have secured their helmet.
the things I hate about men
What, am I psychic now? How am I supposed to know what you hate about men? I'll hazard a guess that number one is how we get together with our buddies and act "unilaterally", mademoiselle sun bitch.
The 65th edition of the Carnival of the Vanities is up at Drumwaster's Rants. Go and see all the bloggy goodness.
and so the poor blogger had none."
Kate has been missing for so long her front page is empty. Since the last thing she posted was about going to the doctor I've progressed to a state of genuine worry. Anybody have news on the Venomous One?
UPDATE: Kelley's got news. Kate's alive and doing passably well. She's still suffering from her back injury and has had limited access to phones and internet due to storms. That'll teach me to post before reading my blogroll.
Join me now in a collective sigh of relief.
"Reflections" by Kurt Wenner in the extended entry. Hover your mouse over the picture if you can't figure out what's disturbing you about it.
And since we've no place to go, let's go check out the flaming trash heap that is The Bonfire of the Vanities.
During this hectic holiday season there are a few things that we need to go over to insure my sanity and your continued good health.
- Shopping on your lunch break is fine but the sense of urgency this creates for you is not the “life or death” type of thing that will get you out of a traffic ticket.
- No matter how late you are getting back to the office, the laws of physics still say that you cannot go faster than the car in front of you.
- That three feet of space you normally leave between my back bumper and your front bumper is sacred and should not be sacrificed no matter how desperate you are to get to Borders.
- Stay the hell away from Pleasant Hill Road.
- Those lanes that turn into forced right turns are still there even when they are full of traffic. If you don’t want to turn right you need to get into another lane before you get into the intersection.
- If you find yourself in the intersection turning right even though you don't want to, go ahead and turn right anyway. Sitting in your turn lane waiting for a break in the lane of traffic full of cars that got out of that right turn only lane in time will get your ass totaled by the Excursion carrying one very stressed mom and 3 screaming kids that is coming up behind you. The people behind her will cheer your destruction.
- Do NOT match your vehicle speed to the ambient temperature.
- When the left turn arrow turns red this means you are not supposed to enter the intersection. They picked that color because it is exactly the fucking same as a red light. If you are in the intersection when the red arrow makes its appearance you may continue out of the intersection. If you are not yet into the intersection then stay right the hell where you are.
- If you are the fifth or succeeding car to blow through the red arrow by playing choo-choo train with the car in front of you I will shoot you dead.
I've mentioned a couple times about the new site look that The Bartender has done for The Snooze. Due to my time problems and then my tables messing things up y'all haven't been able to see it. Well, go take a look at it now. This is the preliminary design, looking for feedback. That page is a duplicate index so it has the very same article content as this one. Sidebar content is different since this one's been updated a few times in the past weeks and that one hasn't.
Let us know what you like, don't like, etc.
You've probably seen this poem before but it's such a good one that I'm posting it anyway.
This holiday season there are hundreds of thousands of servicemen and women who aren't with their families because they've chosen duty over comfort. I'm very grateful to the men and women of our armed forces for the work that they are doing and the sacrifices they are making for our protection and the benefit of the world.
CON PROMISES SLICK INHERITANCE
LONDON (Reuters) - A pharmacy in Scotland is suffering from a bad case of mistaken identity after it was used as the front for a Nigerian sting con.Unsuspecting victims from around the world are descending on the chemists shop in Thurso, Caithness, believing it to be a bank they were duped into paying thousands of pounds.
How can there possibly be people with thousands of disposable dollars who are so stupid they can fall for this highly publicized con? It's OOOOOOLLLLLLLDDDDDDD! It's documented up the freaking wazzoo. It's been on every news channel, every news magazine, in every paper. Hell, they joked about it on Malcolm in the Middle this week!
Each was told they would inherit an oil company in return for an upfront fee to be paid into an account at the Continental Trust Bank -- but the bank does not exist and the address given was that of Sutherland's the chemists.
Even if nobody had ever warned anybody about it, how many synapses have to fire before you realize that this is bogus? You will inherit an oil company if you pay an upfront fee? What? And where is this bridge you're selling me?
Arlen Hughes, from Wyoming in the United States, was told he would inherit $41 million (23 million pounds) if he paid $57,000 up front."I received a call from a fella in Nigeria saying that I had inherited an oil company," he told Today. "They were very professional."
"I found a registered number in Scotland and so the researches I had found led me to believe they were on the uppity up."
Sure, Arlen. Blinded by greed and posessed of startling stupidity. But they had a registered number! Um...yeah. So based on the fact that they had a phone he gave them $57,000. Jackass moron asshat.
Please, please, please, do not waste even a single penny of taxpayer money on this crap. Let the greedy morons pay and keep paying for their stupidity. Consider them a suplement on foreign aid to Africa just like the Lottery is a special tax on people who are bad at math.
The Pessimist: Our meeting is cut back to 30 minutes? We'll never cover everything in that time!
The Optimist: Our meeting is cut back to 30 minutes? We'll concentrate on the important things and everything will be fine.
The Realist: Our meeting is cut back to 30 minutes? That means I'm allowed to kick out the teeth of any one of you plebians who starts regurgitating inane drivel that does not concern, and I mean DIRECTLY concern, the actual job oriented requirements and objective of this meeting. We'll be able to cover everything from a regular hour and a half meeting and I won't be subjected to your pathetic life stories and humorless anecdotes on a frikken Monday morning while supressing my urge to scream at and/or throttle any number of you on my way back to my cube where I have actual work to do. Work that is waiting for me in a not-being-completed-while-I'm-in-this-frikken-meeting state. You remember work, right? That shit we're all being paid for? All right! Let's get this bitch of a meeting moving!
(I'm a realist.)
The Bestofme Symphony is showing good growth with the second edition attracting 33 submissions by 27 people. Much thanks to the people who've submitted posts either from their own weblogs or from ones they read. Thanks also to the webloggers who've posted about the Bestofme Symphony to get the word out to the Blogosphere.
Submit!: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission info.
Spread the word: Webloggers, please consider putting up a post linking to this Symphony. The faster this becomes a well known weblog meme, the sooner I'll stop begging you to link to it. See? We all win if you link.
Email Reminders: If you'd like to be sent a reminder about the Symphony, drop me a line at this address. It's not a mailing list, just me sending out friendly little reminders. There'll be one on Thursday or Friday to remind you to submit for the next symphony and one on Monday with a link to the freshly posted Symphony.
So without further ado, I present the second edition of the Bestofme Symphony:
Bacon: I peed my pants.
(Bacon is a card carrying member of the CAP Society. That's Children Against Parents. Their methods are nefarious, devious and purely evil.)
Lovely Wife: What? You just went potty before we got in the car! Why did you pee your pants?
(Lovely Wife has recently joined POTLaN, better known as Parents On Their Last Nerve.)
Bacon: I don't know.
(CAP members are highly trained to withstand the fiercest interrogation.)
Bear: Because we don't have a bathroom in here!
(As the CAP Team Leader, Bear launches a flanking attack to support his troops.)
Lovely Wife: Gah!
(Bear's flanking attack is successful. Lovely Wife's adult thought processes cannot switch gears fast enough to counter his devious non sequitir.)
Bear and Bacon smile, content in their victory as Lovely Wife and I devolve into a laughing fit.
Get into shape for those traumatic post-holiday party battles with the diabolical front door.
(Credit to Dopple-G)
If you don't want to be blackmailed the best thing to do is get the blackmail material out yourself. Here's a picture of me after a shower with only my boxers on.
Virginia Arrests Man for Spam Email Under New Law
DULLES, Va. (Reuters) - Virginia authorities said on Thursday they had arrested and charged a North Carolina man for sending "spam" e-mail in the first use of a new state law that could bring penalties of up to 20 years in prison.
20 Years? Wow!
At least he'll be very popular with his huge penis, unlimited supply of viagra and hordes of barely legal girls.
(Inspired by Art Marion)
Don't forget to submit posts for the second Bestofme Symphony, which will be posted this Monday. I'd greatly appreciate if bloggers would link to this info post to help spread the word.
And remember, any qualifying post may be submitted by any person so you do not need to have a weblog in order to participate.
Notice something odd about this site the past couple of weeks? I mean besides it being FUBAR yesterday.
Yes? You in the back. What was that? Yes, quite correct. The content blows. I think there's been one lonely little SBD post in the past two weeks and that was a shorty. I haven't had a Carnival submission this month! What happened to the amusing content that got me a readership in the first place? There are several reasons and they all boil down to one thing. Time.
It's the Holiday season and that puts new demands on my time. We're in a very busy section of our release cycle at work and that puts some fantastic demands on my time and on my brain. The Bestofme Symphony is another thing that is taking up creative blogging time. We've got company now and will for the next week and a half. It's very cool having old friends and family up to visit but it is a disruption and time committment.
So what's going to happen to the Snooze? We shall persevere, that's what! Okay, so don't expect the fantastic SBD posts until close to the new year. That'll mark the end of the holiday season, crunch time in the release cycle, visitors, and Bestofme Symphony. Until then it's going to be mostly punditry and linking with the occasional humorous or interesting stuff thrown in by Dopple-G.
No, the Symphony won't be ending. I'm just planning on turning it loose like BigWig did with the Carnival. Once it's established and flowing smoothly I'll ask for hosts and it'll make the rounds. Hopefully at least a week before I host the Carnival itself! Both of those in the same week could be a recipe for disaster.
...going to be revealed in 2 hours. That's how long the auction for Tidings of Comfort and Joy has left.
This has been an absolutely spectacular auction, magnitudes over what I expected. I need to think up something special and Christmasy to use the proceeds on as I hadn't thought of anything bigger than candy canes and spekulaas.
Any ideas? We've got one Lovely Wife, 3 rugrats from 1 year old to 4 years old and one cow sucker (that's me) to be invovled in the festivity.
UPDATE: The winner is Robert from XSet, who got in a last bid virtually under the wire to sneak past Sue. All's fair in love and auctions, they say.
The Great and Powerful Pixy has worked his magic and Snooze Button Dreams is back in action. Thanks to everybody who helped figure out the problem and to Pixy for implementing the DNS fix.
Now, on with the show!
The Flick Filosopher weighs in on The Cat in the Hat and le gateau fails to make the scales.
For true nightmare-inducing terror, Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat is the film to beat, and Gothika can't hope to stand a chance against it. The title itself is an affront, for there's nothing Seussian about it, and in fact it makes 2000's The Grinch, which at the time was the most abyssal insult to Seuss I could imagine, look like a masterpiece of wit and subtlety. Who in their right mind would consider a nonstop barrage of toilet humor and riffs on late-night infomercials and gross-outs and a sexually aggressive six-foot-tall cat and creepy children and illegal employment practices the stuff of a good film, never mind a good film for kids?
You can always tell that MaryAnn feels strongly about a movie when she forgets how to stop a sentence.
Of course, The Cat in the Hat made $40 gazillion this opening weekend, which Hollywood will interpret as a sign that this is the kind of film that kids and moms and dads are genuinely enjoying, and not a sign that this is the most disgustingly overly marketed film in recent memory and you can't watch a commercial for household cleaning products or walk by a Burger King or buy a postage stamp without being assaulted by a six-foot-tall cat and we all know few parents can resist the high-pitched whine of a kid who's been overly marketed at and will simply not shut up until he gets what he wants: in this case, a ticket to Cat in the Hat and a Value Combo.
Why is Ms. Johansen my critic of choice? 'Tude and emotion, aptly applied. You can't get real opinions like this from Stan and Ollie Siskel and Ebert. Especially since Stan Siskel passed away.
All I know is if I have to look much longer at those damned weird little midget Things in their leotards trying to sell me Delivery Confirmation at the post office, I'm gonna go postal.
Several people have commented that the site is fubar today. It was fubar last night but should be fine today. Here's what happened:
The Bartender designed a new look for the site. He was done quite a few days ago but due to my schedule and some stupidity (when I did get time to implement the new look I didn't have the files with me) I wasn't able to make the changes. I finally caught a couple of minutes yesterday around 2:00 my time to make the changes but my large table from the Bestofme Symphony was beating the hell out of the new template. Just as I was preparing to return to the original index and style I had to leave for home as my ride (Dopple-G) had to leave.
This left the site in a FUBAR state for about an hour and a half until I could get home and get the time to restore it. During the FUBAR time the new style sheet was apparently cached for some visitors and since I'm now reverted to the old style it is making the site look FUBAR PLUS.
If it looks like there's no formatting or style present on the site, try forcing a refresh by hitting F5 (Internet Explorer) or whatever the steps are for your browser. If the wrong style sheet is cached somewhere on your service (ISP, proxy, whatever) then Snooze Button Dreams is going to look ugly until they recache it.
MuNu also suffered an attack on our DNS servers last night so that could be playing a part in this hullabaloo. Pylorns is pulling up sonicwall.com when he tries to go to www.snoozebuttondreams.com. Others are probably similarly affected.
It's difficult for me to diagnose because everything is working perfectly from my seat. If you encounter wierdness please comment on it.
UPDATE:
The problem is all DNS. The $mtbloghost$ is www.snoozebuttondreams.com so every time that reference is used in scripts, generated pages and links, etc, it is fucked for people who can't resolve www.snoozebuttondreams.com.
By the way, here at home I can't resolve it either. Yay.
Anyway, I changed the script reference in the index file to reference snoozebuttondreams.mu.nu instead of $mtbloghost$ so at least the index page will be usable for people who get here via snoozebuttondreams.mu.nu.
Help me, Pixy, you lord of the DNS services. Help me please!
Bruce Simpson is an engineer and a tinkerer, as well as the editor of The Aardvark Daily, New Zealands longest-running daily tech-news and commentary website. He also loves doing things that are viewed as impossible. Stuff like building a $5000 cruise missile.
The DIY Cruise Missile project was going splendidly. Thousands of people followed the progress of the missile on Bruce's Interesting Projects site. (Incidentally, that's the site to check out if you want to build your own rocket powered gokart or jet engine.) Bruce was getting his parts off of the internet and had even licensed an American company to manufacture his X-Jet engine.
Now the New Zealand Government has aparently squashed the project. They've bankrupted Bruce and nixed the engine deal to the US. This is despite receiving government permission to export the same technology to Iran and Iran sure does want it.
So why did the Inland Revenue Department kill his jet engine tech sale and bankrupt him? Bruce claims that the NZ government was responding to pressure from the American government over his cruise missile project. "The New Zealand government at first said I had done nothing illegal. But then a US official was quoted as saying it was 'extremely unhelpful'."
All is not lost though as Bruce has seemingly proved his original point "that by using off-the-shelf technology in a suburban garage a terrorist can create a weapon against which there is no effective defence."
(Tuned on to this by Dopple-G)
If you are as pissed off about this as I am you should let Dennis know about it. I did:
I'm about as openminded as a person can get without being indecisive. I try to give time and thought to every position before forming a decisive opinion on it. With this attitude I just watched the new animated 2004 election piece at http://www.kucinich.us/dk.html.It is abhorrent. It is an absolute travesty of decency and respect. The only message it gives is that Dennis Kucinich is driven by hatred irrespective of the issues at hand. I can forgive many things in a candidate but hatred is not one of them. Hatred is unpredictable and unstable. It will always be a reason to vote against a candidate, never a reason to vote for one.
I'm unfamiliar with the legality behind this propaganda piece but I sincerely hope that the families of each and every one of the fallen that you used in this abomination seek and find recompense against your reprehensible use of their names, images and lives.
There are about a gazillion of those quizzes about "What flavor dressing are you?" or "Which one of the Rug Rats are you?" but this one kicks ass.
Which Class of Federation Starship are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a Galaxy-class Explorer, a top of the line
luxury-liner with teeth. You prefer refinement
and appreciate beauty. You're well-apt at
diplomacy and are trusted to handle crises.
Despite a changing world with new, you still
have a reputation for unparalleled excellence.
That's right, y'all. I'm the frikken Enterprise!
(Found over at XSet)
Rob has a collection of discoveries from his journey through 3 consecutive days of Christmas parties. Words to live by. Here's my favorite:
2) Never EVER feel pressured into drinking Vodka just because you are at a Polish party and that's all there is to drink... they invented it and as such have the necessary genes to process it succesfully. Non-poles on the other hand do not have said genes and as such will wake up the following morning with a hangover that makes you want to rend your brain from your freshly splitting skull and gives you the distinct impression that, at some point the previous night, an elderly male moose mistook your mouth for a urinal...
It must be the heat coming off of the Bonfire of the Vanities.
(Link from Dopple-G)
If anybody knows how to set cookies for multiple websites please comment over here.
Thanks.
Get your minds out of the gutter, people. I'm talking about her interview with Jimmy Fallon on Saturday Night Live.
Jimmy: As we agreed we won't be discussing the scandal that's been in the papers these last couple of weeks.Paris: Thank you Jimmy, I appreciate that.
Jimmy: We just want to find out about you, Paris Hilton. So, your family, the Hiltons, own hotels all over the world.
Paris: Yes, they're in New York, London, Paris...
Jimmy: So there's actually a Paris Hilton?
Paris: Yes, there is.
Jimmy: Is it hard to get into the Paris Hilton?
Paris: Actually, it's a very exclusive hotel...no matter what you've heard.
Jimmy: I hear the Paris Hilton is very beautiful.
Paris: I'm glad you heard that.
Jimmy: Do they allow double occupancy at the Paris Hilton?
Paris: No.
Jimmy: Is it roomy?
Paris: It might be for you, but most people find it very comfortable.
Jimmy: I'm a V.I.P.. I may need to go in the back entrance.
Paris: It doesn't matter who you are, it's not gonna happen.
Jimmy: Fair enough. Now, I throw a lot of events, do they have a ballroom there?
Paris: We do.
Jimmy: Great. I'd love to have my balls held by the Paris Hilton. I'd like to check into the Paris Hilton.
Paris: I don't think you can.
Jimmy: Really? Because I'll only be able to stay there like a minute and a half. Two minutes tops.
Paris: Good luck.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G who found it at Buzz Machine)
The auction is going well, thanks to a kick start from Clancy and Johnny Huh? putting it up on MetaFilter (which isn't taking new people at the moment, thank you very much, not that I feel slighted in the least, the dirt bags). At least one commenter has some serious need for Tidings.
Looking at the bidders I see some I recognize and a bunch I don't. We've got Clancy, Rob and Sue among the 9 bidders currently competing for my affections. Nah, that's not right. Y'all already have my affections. But they are competing for some genuine cheerful wishes and feature placement in a custom crafted story. Who couldn't use cheerful wishes?
By the way, if you are a member of the clueless masses or know somebody who is you can solve your problems right here.
Not sure if you're trolling or just having a problem with the comments but I've gone ahead and banned you. If you were suffering from browser conniptions send me an email and I'll get you fixed up. If you were just jerking off on my weblog then fade quietly away please.
Funniest war photo ever.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
Vote for Snooze Button Dreams in the Most Egregious Ommission category of the 2003 Weblog Awards.
Everyone who votes for me will be wildly successful in life and win their local lottery. And I'm not talking the lottery where they sacrifice you to the corn god either!
I did it for my amusement and its humor factor but I was expecting at least a tiny bit of activity. I offer Tidings of Comfort and Joy at absolute rockbottom prices and nobody's interested? What's up with that?
There's real value in this auction, you know. The custom story by a fantastic and humble author has to be worth a quarter all by itself.
Now go and bid on my auction or I will pout like a little bitch.
Welcome to the premiere performance of the Bestofme Symphony. Participation has been fantastic with 28 entries in this first edition. Like any good symphony, you'll find a lot of individual sounds that have been coalesced into one. I'm very happy to be offering some of the best stuff in the Blogosphere for your reading pleasure.
Comments on presentation and content, future Symphonies, etceteras are appreciated. If bloggers out there would link to this it would help enormously to get this meme launched in grand style and I'd be eternally grateful. Well, maybe not eternally, but at least until something really important pushed it out of the swiss cheese I like to call a brain.
Without further ado, the Symphony begins:
Tonight at midnight EST is the deadline for inclusion in the very first Bestofme Symphony. Participation has been very good and the virgin performance is going to be great. Many thanks to all of the folks who spread the word and/or submitted entries.
If you miss the deadline, send in your submission anyway. It'll go in next week's Symphony.
The family had to be based in freaking New York. Upright, uptight Atlantic state New York, a place of unbridled acceptance of general morality. My life could have been so much cooler if my family was from West Virginia. It's warmer, which is something I've really come to appreciate since moving to Georgia. Lots more scenery and nice mountains. Western New York has no mountains. They even frown upon hills there. And most importantly, in West Virginia they let you boff your cousins.
Keep the Sex R-Rated, N.Y.U. Tells Film Students
In October, a film student at New York University pitched an idea for her video-making class: a four-minute portrayal of the contrast between unbridled human lust and banal everyday behavior.
Sounds like a fair project to me. Washing dishes and bumping uglies. Wouldn't do well on the porn circuit but this is an "art" project so go for it.
Things are looking up for the Cowboys.
Watch the clip and see if you can tell what is very, very wrong for a broadcast channel to have in a news report. If you don't see it, check in the extended entry for a hint.
(Still more from Dopple-G. Is that guy great, or what?)
Coming Monday...a new site design from The Bartender at Madfish Willie's. It would be in place right now except I just discovered that I forgot to forward the files to myself at home so they're still on my PC at work. Feh.
And I'm still holding out for a face lift by Rob at Xset. If you haven't seen his site redesign you should go and check it out. Very sweet. Very clean. Hopefully he'll be caught up enough to play here soon. Then I'll have selectable skins just like the big boys. Woo hoo!
THIS is what I wanna be listening to.
(One more for Dopple-G)
(This one is Dopple-G's fault too.)
Nope, it's just Steve Balmer being...unique.
Cube safe, unless you've got smello-vision.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
Which John Cusack Are You?
(Hat tip to LeeAnn)
Go vote!
It's Friday and that means its time to serve up a wedge of Cheddar X. The format is a bit different this week. Johnny Huh explains:
Choose one of your favorite bands and answer the questions using song titles by that band. I think it would add some fun to not name the band and see how hard it is for people to guess (guessing, by the way, does not include using Google so no cheating!). But do it either way you want to.
I cheated just a little bit and used a singer and that singer's original group. 2 points each for the singer and the group (no internet searching, remember!). And what the heck, 2 more points for the group that sang the song that inspired the title to this post.
The Letter of the Day is was "P".
"P" is for Pork, as in "Pork Barrel Spending".
Kevin at Wizbang has just found out that he's out of a job. 3 weeks before Christmas.
If you've got some spare some change, please consider dropping it in his tip jar.
I just read a very touching story about Don's first love.
Were you in love the first time you said "I love you"? I don't mean to your Mom, now. I'm talking about a parternship type relationship. Unless that was with your Mom, of course. In that case i do mean your Mom. Sicko.
It's time to vote for the 3rd (and final, since Helen has retired) Survivor Immunity. This is the big one. The immunity winner will decide which of the other two stays on the island with him.
I know that y'all want to vote for me but I'm not allowed to tell you which entry is mine. Just vote for the best one and I'll do fine. ;-)
The much touted (and quite cool) Map of the Blogosphere has a detail map of Munuvia. Snuz is over there in the East, as is proper.
But what's that in the Southeast corner of Munuvia? Why, it's the province of Visbangius. Wizbang is but the first blog to fall to the plans of Munuvian blogosphere domination. Next we will annex Anti-Com.
Look out, y'all! The Munus are coming!
(Credit to LeeAnn for the Munuvia detail.)
The Letter of the Day is was "O".
"O" is for OOH-RAH. Stop by Mike the Marine's shiny new blog to get yours.
There's been some really good participation for the Bestofme Symphony. A nice round 20 submissions so far!
To recap, submitted posts need to be 2 months old or older and should be of gemstone quality. See this post for submission particulars. The submission address (bestofme@jpeacock.net) is functional so please use that when you send posts in. Mail sent to my regular contact address will still be processed but it's easier for me if you use the Bestofme address.
Deadline for submissions for the first edition of the Bestofme Symphony is midnight EST this Sunday (05:00 GMT Monday).
Thanks for the support and keep 'em coming in!
I had lots of referrers in November and I'd like to give them all a big thank you for linking to my site. The top 10 are going into a new section of the sidebar. They are (in order of number of referrals):
Everyday Stranger
Electric Venom
Anger Management
Silflay Hraka
Rachel Lucas
Deadends CENSORED
The New Criterion
Wetwired
Yourish.com
Madfish Willie's
(From ScrappleFace)
U.S. President George Bush today converted from Christianity to Islam, declared himself to be a Grand Ayatollah and issued a fatwa, a religious edict, against those who have slowed the transition to democracy in Iraq.The move comes as the Bush administration faced increasing criticism that it was trying to impose its brand of American democracy upon Iraq. The Washington Post reported today that Coalition transition efforts had faltered because an influential cleric had declared a fatwa against allowing foreigners to write the new Iraqi constitution.
"It's good to see that the Bush administration finally understands how to get things done in Iraq," said one unnamed member of the provisional Iraqi Governing Council. "All of this 'cultivating stakeholder buy-in' may work at IBM, but we Shiites wait until an influential ayatollah tells us what to do."
In Mr. Bush's first official statement after the Rose Garden fatwa-signing ceremony, Islam's newest Grand Ayatollah said, "Death to the infidel Baathists with their shoulder-fired rockets. Their blood will turn the sand red, God be willing. May God show them His wrath and give them what they deserve."
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
The Letter of the Day is was"N".
"N" is for Nipple. That's the little pointy bit on the end of a boobie.
Yes it did! Don bowed out as hostmaster but Pylorns has taken up the reigns. Immunity Challenge III is forming up again and there's a bonus challenge as well: post what I'd plan to do with or to Luuk, the Everyday Bear. Since I'm one of those geeks that always went for the extra credit and since this one is a gimme, here goes nuthin':
I had him in my clutches once but due to a family plague I didn't get to do anywhere near as much with Luuk as I wanted.
If I got him back again we would definitely take a trip to the Mayfield Dairy in Braselton so he could have a taste of my favorite cow udder. We'd hit the Calloway Gardens and then see Helen for some serious drinking with bikers and faux Germans. That's the city in Georgia, not Luuk's Mom.
I'd like to take him to Bear and Bacon's preschool too. Both of them got a serious kick out of Luuk and they'd love to show him off for their friends. Hey, part of my Dad duties are to get the boys "cool points" anytime I can.
We'd have to go back to Stone Mountain Park again too. He loved the Pow-Wow there but we didn't get a chance to climb the mountain itself. That would be an adventure.
We'd probably stop by the Children's Museum of Atlanta too. They've got Sue there now. She's "a life-size replica of the world’s largest, and most complete T. rex in the world". You know, let him get a look at a real carnivore.
After that we'd probaby just spend the rest of our time together watching action movies, drinking beer and eating popcorn.
Let us compare two popular female musical artists. One is a serious songstress who uses intensely personal lyrics and an entrancing voice with absolutely amazing vocal range to express herself through her music. The other does a peep show while mouthing pop ketch that somebody else wrote. Which of these artists would be classified as "sexy"?
Answers in the extended section.
The Bonfire has been lit. Head on over to get toasty warm at the expense of the turkeys of the blogosphere.
Touch it! Love it!
Changed up the sidebar a little bit, eliminating the tacky "hours of operation" thing and the Ecosystem doodad (I want a single line, not 4 lines!).
Added in a holiday links section, Bestofme Symphony section and (coolest of all) a Point Leaders section. You know how I occasionally hand out points for the first reader to identify the source of something I regurgitate? Well, I figured I'd go ahead and make that worthwhile. I'm keeping track of the points now and the point leaders will be the very first weblog links to be seen on my sidebar (excepting seasonal promotions, of course).
In the spirit of the game, 5 points for the ispiration/source of the title & first line of this post.
Let the games begin!
Update: LeeAnn grabbed those 5 points in a hurry. There's more available in the previous post if you're interested.
In the spirit of X-Mas, Michele of A Small Victory Santa once again offers a hearty Ho Ho Holy Shit!.
Along with a score of bloggers, I'm contributing to that festive site. Can you guess which persona is me? 5 points to the first person who figures it out. 2 more points to the first person to say where I got it from.
The Letter of the Day was is "M".
"M" is for Matter-of-fact, as in realistic. Libertarians who vote Republican are just being matter-of-fact about their choice.
The hottest selling new political bumper sticker comes from New York State:
"RUN HILLARY RUN"
Democrats put 'em on the rear bumper...
Republicans affix them to the front bumper.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
Pretty much everybody has heard of how Los Angeles County legislators have banned contractors from using the terms "master" and "slave", a very common bit of IT jargon. Fortunately, they've found a workable solution to the problem.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
Campbells' is donating up to 5 million cans of soup to the hungry. They're already well over a million. One can is donated for each participant in their NFL team popularity poll. All you need to do to increase their donation by a can is go to this site and vote for your favorite team.
That's pretty cool.
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
And it's cheap too! Get yours here.
Spread the word!
This post compilation meme is structured like the Carnival of the Vanities but concentrates on the best posts from the history of weblogs. Post submission criteria are very simple. The post must be at least 2 months old and the submitter must think it is a very good post. How easy is that?
Bestofme@jpeacock.net is the address for submissions.
Submissions should include the following:
- Post Title
- Post Permalink
- Author's Name (or handle)
- Weblog Name (if not obvious from the link)
- Submitter's Name/Handle (if different from Author)
- Description of post and/or why this post is being submitted (That is, what about this post makes you think it is one of the best from the weblog).
The only absolutely required item is the permalink. Other items may be left blank on the Bestofme Symphony post if they aren't provided with the submission. That could mean less people will go to read the post so submitters are encouraged to include as much of the info as possible.
Note that a post does not have to be submitted by its author so readers and lurkers with or without their own weblogs may contribute.
Deadline for submissions for each week's Symphony are Sunday at midnight (Eastern Standard Time) and a new Symphony will be posted each Monday. Submissions are accepted 24 x 7 so any that come in after the cutoff will appear in the next week's symphony.
If you would like to receive a weekly reminder for Bestofme Symphony submissions just drop me a line.
122 years after shootout, attorney to gather information for a pardon
Wasn't there something about "speedy" on the books somewhere?
THE GOVERNOR’S office said Robins’ primary task will be to gather and assess evidence during a renewed investigation into the circumstances of Billy the Kid’s violent life and death, to determine whether the Kid (a.k.a. William H. Bonney, Henry McCarty or Kid Antrim) merits a pardon.
A pardon? The guy's been dead for 122 years. What's the point?
Even though all sides in the Billy the Kid brouhaha say they’re using pro bono services rather than public funds, critics have wondered why public officials are spending such time and attention on a 122-year-old case.
Hey, I just said that!
Looking beyond the question of frontier justice, those officials usually point out that the Old West legends — and the tourists attracted by such legends — are big business for New Mexico. And they say that makes looking for the truth worth the trouble.
Ah! Tourism dollars. That explains it. In that case, look for Billy to get his pardon as it will change him from a romanticized outlaw into a wrongfully slain romantic hero and that's worth more money.
(Hat tip to Lovely Wife)
This is a wierd one. I guess it would be classified as the "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy Scam".
Get your own stylin' ride over here. Fo shizzle my nizzle! All rightey my whitey!
(Hat tip to Dopple-G again)
The Microsoft Team, 1978 (photo in extended entry).
