I got an email from a disgruntled reader (as opposed to my many gruntled readers) who accused me of being a homophobe and "perpetuating the stereotypes that homosexuals battle on a daily basis".

First point. Am I a homophobe? Absolutely not. I have no fear of homosexuals. I am extremely confident in my own heterosexuality so I don't have any problem with joking about that of others (or my own). It's not a reflection of fear, it's an attempt to make people laugh. And they do. Are they all homophobes?

I don't have any problem with any individual's sexual orientation. On the contrary, lesbian sex is hot as hell, that's why it's in every porno ever made (not that I've watched that many but I have it on good authority from Dopple-G). Male on male sex doesn't do a thing for me. That's because I'm not attracted to penises. Except my own, of course. That thing's like a freaking magnet! I can appreciate a cut male bod but it's in the "Him built like hunter. Bring back many deer" sort of way, not the "Holy crap! Imagine that pipe in my tunnel!" sort of manner.

So homophobe? No. Hater of homosexuals? No. A little history here - my roommate while I was stationed at Naval Hospital Charleston was gay and also my closest companion while I was there. We were both away from our significant others and we hung out constantly. There was never a hint of tension. My Master at Arms during OR Tech School in Oakland was also gay. No problemo. There are 2 gay men and 1 gay woman (maybe more, who knows?) here at work. It really just isn't an issue for me.

What I do have an issue with are flaming fags. Dopple-G's got one in his wife's family. These people irritate the living shit out of me. It's one thing to have sexuality as part of your life. That's normal and healthy. It's quite another for your life to revolve around your sexuality. This doesn't just apply to homosexuals, though. I'm just as irritated by heterosexuals with the same problem.

So if I don't hate or fear homosexuals then why do I make homo jokes? I kid the homosexuals because...they're homosexuals. I make jokes about the Irish, French, Polish, French, Indians, French, Arabs...you name it. I'm an equal opportunity destroyer. Any group that is a slice of humanity or has identifiable stereotypes has probably been the butt of my humor. And it was probably butt humor, too. One thing I can guarantee though is that I make fun of myself more than anything else. I'm generally making fun of myself at the same time as any group too. (One exception - I never make fun of the Joooooos, cause the Illuminati would come after me then.)

Second point. Am I perpetuating the stereotypes that homosexuals battle on a daily basis? I'm pretty sure I'm doing the exact opposite. I use hyperbole and outrageous situations all of the time. I poke fun at the stereotypes themselves. Has anybody read my "Why oh why do I have to love women?" post and thought it was a serious declaration? No, of course not. The whole post is about mocking stereotypes attributed to homosexual as well as heterosexual males.

To sum up, I completely disagree with the reader's assertions. I am sorry if anybody is offended by something I write but if I write with a main intent of not being offensive this weblog would be pretty empty indeed. If my stuff annoys or angers you, please leave. I have no interest or intent in making anybody miserable.

By the way, I do appreciate the feedback.

POINTS: I can't have y'all reading a post that long without offering a reward now, can I? 3 points for the first person to identify my source material for "I kid the homosexuals because...they're homosexuals". And remember - no Googling!