The Flick Filosopher weighs in on The Cat in the Hat and le gateau fails to make the scales.

For true nightmare-inducing terror, Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat is the film to beat, and Gothika can't hope to stand a chance against it. The title itself is an affront, for there's nothing Seussian about it, and in fact it makes 2000's The Grinch, which at the time was the most abyssal insult to Seuss I could imagine, look like a masterpiece of wit and subtlety. Who in their right mind would consider a nonstop barrage of toilet humor and riffs on late-night infomercials and gross-outs and a sexually aggressive six-foot-tall cat and creepy children and illegal employment practices the stuff of a good film, never mind a good film for kids?

You can always tell that MaryAnn feels strongly about a movie when she forgets how to stop a sentence.

Of course, The Cat in the Hat made $40 gazillion this opening weekend, which Hollywood will interpret as a sign that this is the kind of film that kids and moms and dads are genuinely enjoying, and not a sign that this is the most disgustingly overly marketed film in recent memory and you can't watch a commercial for household cleaning products or walk by a Burger King or buy a postage stamp without being assaulted by a six-foot-tall cat and we all know few parents can resist the high-pitched whine of a kid who's been overly marketed at and will simply not shut up until he gets what he wants: in this case, a ticket to Cat in the Hat and a Value Combo.

Why is Ms. Johansen my critic of choice? 'Tude and emotion, aptly applied. You can't get real opinions like this from Stan and Ollie Siskel and Ebert. Especially since Stan Siskel passed away.

All I know is if I have to look much longer at those damned weird little midget Things in their leotards trying to sell me Delivery Confirmation at the post office, I'm gonna go postal.