The Scene: Dopple-G and I are on the way home from work. It's a beatiful sunny Atlanta day, traffic is light, spirits are high.

Me: So, any plans for next Saturday?

Dopple-G: I plan on not doing any work. Period. No construction. No cleaning. No moving things about. Nothing.

Me: Easy, killer. I'm not trying to get you to do work.

Dopple-G: Yes you are. Any time you have something fun in mind you say "Hey, do you want to do this fun thing next Saturday?" When you are trying to get me to do work you say "So, any plans for next Saturday?" and then I either have to lie and say I've got plans or make up something really quick because as soon as I say that I don't have any plans you'll say "Great, then you can help me do somethingorother" and somethingorother is always work.

Me: It's not like that, honest. I wanted to know if you want to go see a movie.

Dopple-G: Going to see a movie? No running electrical cables or putting up a fence in your back yard or anything like that?

Me: Nope, I swear, nothing like that. Going to the movie theater, watching a movie, that's what I'm talking about.

Dopple-G: Which movie?

Me: I don't know, depends on what's up at the theater.

Dopple-G: Maybe, it'll depend on which one. I don't want to go and see a bad movie.

Me: Since when?

Dopple-G: What do you mean, "since when"? I don't watch bad movies.

Me: You specifically watch bad movies on purpose.

Dopple-G: I do not!

Me: Master of Disguise.

Dopple-G: Okay, so I watched one bad movie on purpose. It was just that every review said it was so unbelievably bad and I was intrigued by just how bad a movie could be. It was like a roadside accident. You don't want to look, it's morbid to look, but you have to look anyway.

Me: League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

Dopple-G: I thought it would be good!

Me: Every review in the world said that movie sucked fantastic, el Nino powered gusts of wind. MaryAnn, a critic that you agree with well over 90% of the time and who's opinion you respect above my own said it was one of the worst movies she had ever seen.

Dopple-G: But it had Sean Connery in it! Sean - freaking - Connery!

Me: And yet, every person who had seen it and lived to tell about the experience had the same general reaction. That reaction being more or less "I cannot for the life of me understand how a movie could suck this bad without Tim Conway in it".

Dopple-G: [small voice] But...but...Sean Connery...

Me: Did that movie blow huge monkey chunks or not?

Dopple-G: Yes.

Me: And did you, in fact, know how badly the movie was rated before you went to see it?

Dopple-G: Well...yeah.

Me: Dude, Where's My Car.

Dopple-G: That had funny previews! The tattoo scene was funny.

Me: And you saw the tattoo scene about two dozen times on the advertisements, right?

Dopple-G: Yes. But how could I possibly know that was the only funny scene in the movie?

Me: And you knew that Ashton Kuchner and that asshole guy from American Pie were the "stars", right?

Dopple-G: Yeah...

Me: Did you at any time, ever, hear or read any single positive thing about that movie from any source whatsoever?

Dopple-G: Yes!

Me: Besides MaryAnn saying she got giddy with joy when the final credits appeared?

Dopple-G: [dejected] No.

Me: You see bad movies on purpose. So whatever is showing next Saturday it really doesn't matter whether it's bad or good. You'll go see it anyway, won't you?

Dopple-G: [miffed] Yeah.

Me: Great. Got that settled then.

Dopple-G: Well, any idea what it'll be?

Me: Probably Brother Bear or the new Looney Tunes movie.

Dopple-G: Why on earth would you want to go see one of those?

Me: Well, it's got to be kid friendly. Didn't I mention that we'll be chaperoning Bear's slumber party crew? Yeah, we'll be taking a half dozen or so three and four year olds.

Dopple-G: You do so totally suck.