Hold onto your hearts ladies as you take a gander at these three hotties.
The elusive blue footed boobie.
In a recent meeting my technical lead on the MonsterOfAllProjects told me "It's not important that you know what you're doing. It's only important that you do it correctly." He was referring to my numerous questions about HOW THIS THING WORKED.
The shift from Quality Assurance to Project Management is a bit weird in this. I'm going from needing a full understanding of the process in order to bugger the hell out of it expose its weaknesses to needing to know absolutely nothing about the process. It was explained to me thusly:
Tech Lead: "Tell us what you're putting in and tell us what you want to come out. The rest is ours."Me: "Wait a sec. 'The rest' is what I'm used to dealing with."
Tech Lead: "Not any more. Mwah hah hah hah hah!!"
The evil laugh might have been a tad shorter but that was essentially how the conversation went. So now I have to change my wall sign from "If you build it, it will crash" to "Garbage in, garbage out".
3 points to the first person who can correctly identify why this is a shocking drink order. Specifically, why is it shocking that Bond orders a martini this way?
This is the year for me meeting bloggers. Last year I met one fellow blogger - Trey Givens. That worked out so well you'd have thought I'd have been jumping in front of cars just to meet some more. Or just for the adrenaline rush. Things didn't turn out that way though. Most of my online friends live far, far away and it turns out my insurance has a problem with the whole jumping in front of cars thing.
This year is turning out very different.
I've already met Elizabeth and Clancy and had a blast with them. In just a couple of weeks I'll be in the presence of blog queen Margi. This summer we'll be barbequing with Boudicca and her three boys (And sister? She's invited too, Bou.) Later this year I'm hoping very much to be able to get together with Simon, RP and my very favoritest blogstress in the world Helen.
And all of this without attending a blogmeet. How's that for awesome?
I had a long meeting scheduled today. It is for a program asset database - a central location for all documentation, references and all information on every program we own, build or use. The idea started small and has been growing daily as more and more departments think of information that they want to store.
Today's meeting was to go over the high level requirements and get a basic development strategy. This way a decent development estimate could be made and we could take that to the Legion of Doom executive review board for cost approval. It was going to be a hellabad meeting.
I got there a few minutes early as usual. I set up the laptop, got on the network and hooked up to the overhead projector. I even plugged into the wall since the meeting was probably going to go longish and I didn't want to deal with any battery issues or that incredibly irritating screen-dimming.
People started arriving. The Vice President of Development. A Director of Application Development. Another Director of Application Development. The Vice President of Product & Quality Assurance. It dawned on me that I had all of the top people* responsible for all of our product development together in one room**. That's how big the scope for this program had become. I would have been nervous but my flight/fight reflex had landed firmly in fight mode.
Conferences are business meetings taken to the ultimate level of inefficiency.
April 26, 2005
Gwinnett County
Board of Assessors
75 Langley Drive
Lawrenceville, GA 30045
Re: Appeal of Gwinnett County Board of Assessors Property Reassessment
Dear Sir or Madam:
I received a "Notice to Taxpayer" regarding the appraised value of my home. This notice shows that you have reappraised my home at [$Governor's Mansion] compared to the prior year value of [$Single Family Ranch]. While I would certainly love to have a home that raises in value this quickly my unfortunate reality is that my home has not increased in value by 16% since the time I purchased it less than a year ago.
If an actual inspection to assess my property were to reveal this startling increase in value I would be more than happy to sell it and realize a tidy return on my one year investment. Judging by the house on the next lot that has remained unsold for over two years as well as the frequent utility outages in the neighborhood I fear that my dreams of a quick profit are for naught.
Please accept this letter as my official appeal of the County assessed value of my property. I apologize for any irregularity in my missive but the phone number provided in the Notice has been constantly busy since I first received it so I have been unable to verify exactly what is needed in this letter. Perhaps other taxpayers are taking exception to their own reassessed values?
Sincerely,
James R Peacock
In three weeks the Peacock Clan (Atlanta Division) will be traipsing off to Spokane, Washington to attend my Lil' Bro's wedding. We've (by "we" I mean "Lovely Wife") been preparing for the festivities, including buying clothes to wear for the ceremony. Well, no clothes for me as I've got my Fabulous Interview Suit(tm) but outfits for the three boys and Lovely Wife. This shopping was completed just this past weekend.
Yesterday my Lovely Wife IM'd me that she was thinking of bringing back her skirt and shoes. She's got an old skirt and old shoes that could still be serviceable and she really, really wanted to pick up Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events on it's Tuesday release.
Let me rephrase that: I am married to a woman who would rather have a Jim Carrey movie than a new skirt and shoes.
So I ask you again: Am I the luckiest guy in the world, or what?
Postscript: I surprised her with the movie last night for a birthday present so don't y'all worry about her taking those shoes back.
The rules:
- In the extended entry are quotes from 13 movies. Your job is to identify the movie that each quote came from.
- Guess as many times as you want, just don't get silly about it.
- First person to correctly guess each entry gets a point. If there are any left after 24 hours they are worth 2 points.
- As people guess the films I will strike out those entries and note who got it first.
- NO cheating!!! That means NO: Google, IMDb, searching my archives etc.!
UPDATE: Holy crap on a stick! I accidentally posted the unedited final version instead of the edited correct version the first time around. If you saw the first version with the answers included please be a sport and sit this one out.
Sounds dirty, doesn't it? Well it is!
I found the Draw a Pig Personality Test over at AAAVelociman's joint.
Meet SnoozePig!
You are a realist. You believe in tradition, are friendly, and remember dates (birthdays, etc.)You are emotional and naive, care little for details and are a risk-taker.
You are secure, stubborn, and stick to your ideals.
The size of the ears indicates how good a listener you are. The bigger the better. You drew large ears, you are a great listener!
The length of the tail indicates the quality of your sex life. And again more is better! You drew large tail, WOW!
It's frightening just how accurate these things are.
The good news is my inbox is down to 19 items.
The bad news is that 14 of them are flagged for follow-ups. Yuck.
Write a caption for the picture. Win fabulous prizes!*
The contest will be open until some time next week.
* Best caption gets 5 points with another handful thrown around to the rest of the best.
The Good: I had a conference call about the project I went to Denver for. At the end of the call I received kudos from two Senior VPs and the Product Owner. It's a good thing I don't normally wear a hat because there's no way it would fit right now.
The Bad: Remember The History of Sales and Technology? A meeting earlier today took that it one step further.
Cave Salesman: And by the way, we'll need that club perfectly balanced.Cave Techguy: Perfect balance? You're talking about technology we don't even have yet!
Cave Salesman: What's so hard about balancing a club?
Cave Techguy: Well to get perfect balance on a club I'm going to have to invent the lathe and to get a lathe I have to invent gears and to get gears I have to invent the freaking wheel. You're talking about technology that we are three generations away from!
Cave Salesman: Okay, as long as I get the club by Tuesday.
The Ugly: My email inbox is bloated like Michael Moore at an all you can eat Twinkiefest.
It looks like PayPal is finally getting some competition. GreenZap is now taking pre-registrations for their Summer 2005 launch. Pre-register now and your account will start with a $25 balance.
Better yet, pre-register through the link above and I'll get a $5 referral bonus too! Woo hoo!
Even without the free start-up and referral cash I'm keen on a non-eBay-owned money transfer system. And since they're just starting up there's the side bonus of 100% less phishing, account theft and fraudulent emails compared to your eBay account. Can't beat that with a stick.
In this post I posed the following question:
Once is luck,Twice is coincidence,
Three times is a charm,
What is four times?
The clues I gave to the correct answer were that it was work related, I came up with this in a business meeting and that the answer could be gleaned from my previous posts about work. The correct answer is "Four times is a process".
I was hired here as a QA Specialist and the vast bulk of my first months was spent designing and implementing processes for Development. For the last month I've been designing and implementing processes for Project Management as well as taking on my own Business Analysis and Project Management tasks. I came up with this little saying during a meeting on those processes to make a point that it isn't enough to say what we are going to do and how we are going to do it. We actually have to DO IT like that and we can't consider it a success process until it has been verified by actual repetitive successes.
If anybody has any experience with change management (getting people to do something differently than they have been) you probably have a fair idea of how difficult it can be to get people to "follow the plan". It's where the term "herding cats" comes from.
Anyway, there were some great guesses and points shall be awarded!
Third Place (1 point): vw bug Four times is... one partner too many.Second Place (3 points): Oorgo
Four times is... repetitious.First Place (5 points): shank
Four times is... the fine line between persistence and harrasment.
And a bonus point each for the folks who tried to find the business angle:
vw bug for ...only good for brainstorming.knpepper for ...a project plan complete with willing project sponsor;
a real budget with real money; and real target audiences.Wendy for ...a contract.
Helen for ...a promotion.
The aftereffects of SnoozeBob Day will last for months. Or weeks maybe. Days? Okay, the aftereffects pretty much fizzled away mere moments after SnoozeBob Day ended.
But the points remain!
Here are the points awarded for the many guest posts:
1 point for Most painfully honest post goes to Lovely Wife for "Have I?"2 points for Most blatant link whorage goes to Rob for "Do I still have time?"
3 points for Best impersonation of one of Jim's posts goes to pylorns for "Movie Quotes Time"
1 point for Post exposing the truth about French culture goes to Rob for "Because I always do as Jim orders"
2 points for Funniest depressing post goes to shank for "While the Cat's Away..."
-1 point for Post causing Jim the most real pain goes to dafyd for "Annoying German Pop"
1 point for Best combination of high tech and reprodutive organs goes to Dave for "C'est l'Oorgo, oui!"
5 points for Post exposing the most mangina goes to diamond dave for "Always wanted to ask this..."
My thanks to all of the guest posters!
Yesterday's meeting in Denver was a Technology support effort for a current partnership arranged by Sales and Marketing. Our initiative is to exploit utilize our partner's services while they do the same with ours. This meeting was about them using our technology.
Did I mention that this business relationship was built by Sales and Marketing?
As in, the only knowledge of our products and services was from salesmen.
It was an interesting meeting and it brought to mind an ancient anecdote about The History of Sales and Technology.
Cave Salesman: Hey, what's the deliverable on one of those new clubs?Cave Techguy: Two weeks for the standard model. Three to five for customized models.
Cave Salesman: Two weeks?! No way. It's only a club.
Cave Techguy: It's only a club? Look, I've got to locate an appropriate tree, chop it down, cut off an appropriate limb, shape it, fire harden it...
Cave Salesman: Well I already sold it and delivery is next Tuesday.
Cave Techguy: I told you - it takes at least two weeks!
Cave Salesman: I don't see why. It's only a club.
Things worked out well once we clarified a bit of what we can and can't do.
When we took our walk through Millenium Park in Chicago we saw one of Chicago's finest. On a Segway. With a bright orange reflective safety vest, like the crossing guards wear.
You pretty much lose all of your Cool Cop points if you are on a Segway.
Update: Thanks for playing! SnoozeBob is back in his cage.
I'm off to Denver today so I've brought Snoozebob out to play!
Snoozebob comes around when I am especially lazy am so burdened by other committments that I can't attend to my normal bloggish duties and he throws the doors open for y'all to abuse the Snooze guest post. It's easy as pie. Just go here and log in with username and password "snoozebob".
The door will be open until tomorrow morning. You can post just about whatever you want as long as it isn't spammy or overtly francophilish. There are a couple of things to remember though:
- Don't do something so stupid that I or one of my proctors will have to ban your ass.
- Put your name in there so we know who wrote what. In the title is the best place, as a header or in closing work too.
- If you have a blog don't forget to
whore it out hereinclude a link. - For the category, please choose "SnoozeBob".
Enjoy!
(This post will stay at the top as long as open posting is enabled.)
POINTS: When I close guest posting I'll hand out some points based on which posts I thought were the funniest/most meaningful/bestest. It might be in categories or an overall list - not sure at the moment.
To make ammends for my earlier posting?
No?
Well then let me tell the world (or at least the 60% of the world that reads Jim's site) about the amazing eBay challenge. Anyone can enter (provided you have an Bay seller account) and the closing date for entries is the 26th April.
Basic intro can be found here and you may wish to peruse the rules.
Rob (XSet.co.uk)
Have I also mentioned lately how annoying I find some of you?
Not to mention obnoxious and irritating??
Yeah,needed to be said,sorry.:-)
LW
What movies have made you hyper-macho manly guys cry (since the age of 12 or so, besides Old Yeller)? Or at least watery-eyed, if not out-and-out bawling?
C'mon, don't be shy, let's show the ladies that there really are sensitive men out there!
And ladies, if your men are too ashamed to admit so, how about enlightening us with some of your hunky mate's tearjerking moments?
I'll tell you some of mine if you tell me some of yours:
Ok, fine, I'll stop with the French.
Do you ever wonder what people are thinking when they steal someone's cellphone and then stick it up their vagina? Yeah, I do, I also wonder what happens next... do they then whistle to try and cover up the *bring* from their no-no region?
What were they going to do once they got home with the thing, were they going to use it to call their friends? Sell it? Give it as a gift? Let their friends borrow it and then say "You're talking into my twat!" then laugh hysterically?
I could probably go on for hours in this vein, but I'll let someone post, and just sign off saying "Happy Snoozebob Day!".
Oh, I almost forgot the inevitable whoring
Technically, this isn't francophile - more germophile (hmm... I like that word).
I just want to make sure that everyone gets to share in the phenomenon that is Schnappi - the small Egyptian crocodile that's taking Germany (and Rob) by storm!
Check out his single, and then the remixes...
NB: Dafyd* does not claim any reponsability for any loss of sanity incurred by listening to Schnappi. Listen at your own risk.
*Here there be whoring
I had one of those days yesterday where, if it was a movie, you would have laughed your ass off. Instead, it was real and you came this close to turning off the safety on that AK you keep in your bottom desk drawer.
I came into the office at 7am. Got situated and walked out my door to get a drink from down the hall. As soon as I step outside my office, the woman who ALWAYS bugs me about my ID badge is standing there: "You GOTTA wear that badge." I push out something resembling a laugh, but really, I wanted to cry - the blasted water fountain is fifteen feet from my door. It was the equivalent of the observation that somebody's got a case of the Mondays.
I get back to the office and realize I don't have the keys to unlock the file cabinet under my desk. Crap. I walk to the car, no keys. Check my shoulder bag, no keys. I sit there for a few minutes and decide to break the lock on the filing cabinet. The cabinet is one of those modular deals that slides out from the desk, but it sits on a little wooden frame. So I pull it out from under the desk, and it slides off the wooden frame. Crap. The thing weighs like 80lbs, so I have to squat and lift it fromt he floor back onto the frame. In all the heaving and hoing, I eventually get it back on the base and under the desk. Which is when I realize that in all that grunting, I had COMPLETELY forgotten to pop the lock off. Crap. Again. And it's not even 8:30am.
So, I pull it back out and it of course slides off it's base. Incidentally, it sliced my finger at the cuticle too; insuring that I was indeed completely awake at this point. So I wrap my wound in a napkin and secure it with a little scotch tape (office first aid, I earned that merit badge at the management retreat last fall). I pull the panel off the top of the cabinet, remove the cotter pin that holds the lock in place, punch the lcok core out, and release the lever locking all the drawers in place. With all this racket, I was beginning to draw the attention of a few passers-by.
I lift the heavy bastard back on it's base and slide everything under my desk. I'm sweating. That's when I get a call from one of the nursing units. Apparently a pipe above them in the hematology room had busted, and salt water was leaking through the ceiling onto people, computers, and filling light fixtures. It was like that all day yesterday.
And so I have tried very hard to ensure this post is neither french or spammy ...
(Rob from XSet)
Results: Pylorns has posted the answers. The only one that nobody got was #3, Gold Finger. Here are the folks who won points (1 per each correct answer):
Helen: #5 and #9
Tiffani: #4
tommy: #2, #6 and #8
Rob: #10
Clancy: #1 and #7
Ok I'll let Jim award the points when I get back. 10 movie quotes for your guessing enjoyment. And don't google them or I'll come to your house and take a dump on the hood of your car. Name the movie, and preferably the actor that said it.
1. "You're crazy man, I like you, but your crazy."
2. "We get caught laundering money, we're not going to a white collar resort prison, we're going to a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison."
3. "Run along now dear, Man talk."
4. "...high school hasn't changed. There's still that one teacher who marches to her own drummer. Those girls are still there, the ones that, even as you grow up, will remain the most beautiful girls you have ever seen close up. The smart kids, who everyone else knew as 'the brains,' but I just knew them as my soul mates, my teachers, my friends. And there's still that one guy with his mysterious confidence who seems so perfect in every way. The guy you get up and go to school for in the morning. ... High school would not have been the same without him. I would not be the same without him. I lived a lifetime of regret after my first high school experience." (girls you'll get this one quick)
5. "Um, ok. That's the little boys' room and that's the little girls' room. Where are you going? Going to the mens' room." (my fav movie)
6. "Oh, now be honest, Captain. Warrior to warrior. You do prefer it this way, don't you, as it was meant to be. No peace in our time. Once more unto the breach, dear friends."
7. "A-B-C A-Always. B-Be. C-Closing. Always be closing. Always be closing!!"
8. "I've got a lot of fond memories of that dog."
9. "I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm just crewman number six. I'm expendable. I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove the situation is serious. I gotta get out."
10. "Hey Terrorists, Terrorize this!"
-pylorns
http://www.wetwired.org
I finally got a chance to ruin Jim's blog a bit and then nothing comes up.Total brain fart.
Yaaaawn......I think I'll go back to bed.
Happy Snoozebob day everyone!
LW
flaptrap.mu.nu
I can't believe it...Now I've had a chance to live the impossible dream! A post in Jim's blog! My life is now complete....Wait....that was the morning constitutional on the toilet that did it... Mitzi
I got an email this morning from somebody who says they want to buy snoozebuttondreams.com.
As.
If.
Once is luck.
Twice is coincidence.
Three times is a charm.
So what's four times?
Points for the top three answers. Bonus points if anybody gets the real answer, which isn't too likely because I just made this up in my meeting this morning but if you've been following along with the bits I drop about the job it's at least possible to get it.
My blogdaughter sent me this with her answers and I was listed as the person she least expected to fill it out. The nerve of kids today! I'll show you, you young whipper snapper!
Hah!
I just noticed that there are a handful of Dove chocolate eggs in my inbox. I dumped them when I was packing up my laptop case for my trip and forgot all about them.
It's like Easter has come eleven and a half months early!
It's begging week pledge drive time at NPR. This time they are doing something a little bit different. They are going to end the begging drive as soon as they reach their goal! Cool, right? Well, no. They've never reached their goal so the chance that they'll reach their goal early is about the same as Michael Moore passing on a deep fried Twinkie.
But I've thought of a way to end this annoying crap early after all. You see, the magic number is for pledges of donations, not the donations themselves. This means that all somebody (meaning "you") has to do to stop the madness is to call up and pledge $600,000 or so. Badda boom, badda bing, pledge drive is over.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Yeah that's great except for the $600,000 debt I'd incur". Well you're wrong. There's no legal financial obligation to fulfill your pledge. A pledge is just your personal promise to give them your money.
Now you're thinking "So you want me to break my word, corrupt my honor, defile my personal integrity just so you don't have to listen to a bunch of whining beggars during your morning commute?" Of course not! I would never ask you to do such a thing. All you have to do is get somebody else to make the pledge. I've got the perfect solution to this problem too. Bums.
That's right. Get a bum to make the call for you. Hell, if a bum is willing to suck a dick for a bottle of Thunderbird it shouldn't be hard to get them to make a phone call for you. If you're a decent negotiator you might even be able to get the BJ and the phone call for the same bottle. They don't have any teeth so it'll probably be worth it.
So get on out there now and find yourself a bum. I greatly appreciate your assistance in this matter.
Number of posts in my aggregator after wiping out the ones from a couple blogs I'm probably going to drop because I just can't keep up with all of the blogs on my blogroll any more.
Maybe I'll move 'em out to an "On deck" blogroll.
(And no, if you are reading this I can just about guarantee that it's not your blog I'm talking about. Relax already.)
If you had to pick one, would you rather have Narcolepsy or Turret's Syndrome?
The number of statue types you must find in order to get to the good parking near Millenium Park in Chicago. To be specific:
Gargoyles!
Indians!
Lions!
(Parents will no doubt be hearing either "We did it!" or "I'm the map!" in their heads right now. This is normal and you should not be concerned.)
That's how many blog posts are sitting in my aggregator.
What? Did you all save up a week's worth of posting for Monday and Tuesday while I'd be gone?
That's the number of nose pickings I witnessed on the way into work this morning. One of them could possibly have been a mismanaged scratch but at least three were knuckles deep and digging for gold.
What is it about cars that makes people forget that glass works both ways?
My meetings went very well. This is surprising as hell. You see, normally a meeting that has more than four people is useful only for brainstorming. Once you hit the magic number it's just about impossible to get actual constructive work done. Monday's meeting had 7 people and we actually did everything that we had to do. Admittedly it got a bit flighty toward the end when everybody was starting to burn out but overall it was an exceptionally well behaved crowd. Sunday's meeting was with project people instead of product people and we didn't get anything done except some brainstorming. This was okay though as the purpose of the meeting was to actually meet each other (my division is spread all over the States) and do some brainstorming.
More importantly, I met up with Elizabeth and Clancy. Elizabeth is a beanie (or "Chicagonian" if you prefer) and Clancy happened to be up there on his own business trip. We went out Monday and had a great time. Elizabeth is like a professional tour guide and showed us all around the fancy and touristy parts of downtown. A free tour was pretty cool because if I took a regular one I wouldn't have been able to expense it. Here are some of the tour highlights. Incidentally, I forgot to bring the camera so I don't have any pictures to post. Instead, I've just made helpful links for each of them:
Self-serve kiosks to check in and get your boarding pass are an excellent idea. Just swipe a credit card for ID, confirm your flight, take your boarding pass. Very fast and efficient. I even got an earlier stand-by flight on my return trip via kiosk.
Self-serve kiosks at Burger-King are a very bad idea. There are too many options, they're laid out badly and it takes far too long to just place a simple order.
Actually, those might work if Burger-King implemented a stupid people line.
Getting through security at the Atlanta airport is fast. They keep people moving by using a clever implementation of the 80/20 rule. In the case of airport security the rule says 80% of the people will do things correctly and 20% will be stupid. They identify those 20 percenters and send them to the dedicated stupid people line.
Security Guard: Identification and boarding pass, please.80 percenter: Here you are.
Security Guard: Thank you. Please proceed to that line over there that is moving incredibly quickly.
[Next traveler approaches]
Security Guard: Identification and boarding pass, please.
20 percenter: Oh, right. I've got those somewhere. Just hold on a sec... Wait... Ah, here it is!
Security Guard: That's your boarding pass, ma'am. I'll also need to see photo identification.
20 percenter: Oh! You already said that, didn't you? I'm so sorry. I've got that in my wallet... In my purse... In my carry-on bag... Here it is! Aren't you proud of me?
Security Guard: Please proceed to the stupid people line. Enjoy your flight. If you manage to find the gate.
20 percenter: Thank you!
The system works very well.
Incidentally, Hartsfield-Jackson (Atlanta) kicks O'Hare (Chicago) ass all up and down the runway. In Atlanta I had wireless available and a power plug to use. In Chicago - nada.
I knew there was something I forgot. What's the absolute worst thing that a guy can forget? Yeah, that's right. An anniversary.
Not mine, of course. That's tattooed on my forehead in backward numbers like an ecnalubma so I'm reminded of it every time I look in the mirror. Safety first, yo.
No, I meant to post a happy anniversary post for Harvey and Smiling Dynamite. I even had a made up fairy tale story in the works about how Harvey the Troll kidnapped the beautiful Princess Dynamite and forced her to choose between marrying him or a Frenchman and then she kicked the shit out of him but then felt sorry for him and married him after all and they all lived happily ever after. With pictures in there too - that's what was planned.
So anyway, happy anniversary!
(6 years she's been married to Harvey, y'all. Every woman who reads this should go thank her for that 6 years of peace.)
Going to UGA today, busy weekend, will be in Chicago Monday and Tuesday.
See y'all Wednesday.
So millions of people are marching by the Pope's remains to pay their last respects. Some people have been in line for days. They are coming to Italy from all over the world to say goodbye. For many it is their first time traveling to Italy and for most it is their first time seeing the Pope.
Isn't that just a little bit sick? I could understand a Pope groupie gathering the clan and hightailing it to Vatican City for a last look at the body but we're talking about people who've spent their entire lives without glimpsing His Popliness suddenly feeling the call to go look at a dead body.
What? You couldn't make the trip while the guy was alive? Do you prefer a viewing of a dead, made up, preserved, rigormortised* Pope to the live guy saying mass?
It's really creaping me out. It's like some death cult that comes out of the woodwork to get their jollies over a corpse.
Freaks.
* If he's stiff enough he'd be a Popesicle.
Well, maybe not my kingdom but I am awarding points to the best slogans from the Slogan Challenge. Here are the long awaited results:
Serious slogans
Third place (1 pt): "More Talk, Less Action" - Dafyd
Second place (2 pts): "Working to create your children's nation." - Kenny
First place (3 pts): "We the people." - Garret
Irreverent slogans
Third place (1 pt): "Slogans are way tough to come up with." - Ilyka
Second place (2 pts): "85 percent less wacky than the Libertarians." - Kenny
First place (3 pts): "The party for real people. Whiney socialists and religious zealots need not apply." - Clancy
Coming soon:
Another contest to come up with a new name for the party, since this one reminds Ilyka of Barbara Boxer.
I have inherited nine folders of legacy documentation for The Big Project. Actual folders full of paper. I feel like I just stepped backward a decade.
I should be forgiving though - many of the documents actually are from a decade ago. Still, the vast majority of them are printouts so why the paper?
I could probably bring myself to forgive the presence of this pile of dead tree sheets except for one thing. The folders are pink. No, not "rose" or that very light pastel pink. These are PINK. Flaming pink, you might say. I've already had one coworker walk by my desk, pause, and say "Damn, those are really pink".
Now I've got to get a lock for my filing cabinet.
And a filing cabinet.
I love etymology*, the study of the source of words. Some of the words in our current lexicon come from some seriously weird places. Take the common greeting Hello, for example. Hello has one of the strangest sources I've come across, one that is seriously out of place with its current use.
Hello is a bastardization of a 14th century phrase Hie below. Hie is from Middle English and means to go quickly. Below in this context meant persons who were underneath the speaker. You see, Hie below was a warning yelled out by upper story tenants when they were about to dump their chamber pots out of windows or off of balconies. It was a very quick method of saying "Whoever is underneath me better get their ass moving fast or they're going to be wearing a shit coat".
Hie below, as is typical for common phrases, contracted over the years. The first commonly recognized contraction in print was in Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream when Nick Bottom's character was being publicly ridiculed and despoiled. The feces coated weaver turned erstwhile player uttered the famous line "The eye of man hath not heard, the ear of man hath not seen; such unkind act with nary a hielow". This use of the word is one of Shakespeare's infamous double entendres. Bottom is complaining of both the lack of courtesy in a warning as well as the rudeness of not being properly greeted.
Usage of the word gradually shifted. With advances in sanitation there wasn't so much tossing of shit out of windows any more so that connotation died away. The word survived though and finally morphed into the common greeting of Hello that we all use today.
* Not to be confused with 'entomology', the study of bugs. Although that's pretty cool too.
A hippie is a dirty and smelly hugger of trees. A Goth is a member of an ultra-violent tribe of barbarians that kicked serious ass over half of Eurasia.
What will the new Pope be like? I was listening to NPR* this morning and one of the talking heads was saying he wouldn't be surprised if the new Pope was younger and more energetic. I thought "I sure as hell hope so, buddy. You can't get a whole lot older or less energetic than the dead Pope". Then I realized he meant like overall. He's expecting a younger, more vibrant, hipper Pope.
Maybe a Pope that does a little pop and lock up on the Pope balcony. You know - a little entertainment for the masses. Or for the Mass, depending on your point of view. Maybe a bit of karaoke. Hell, it's got to be one huge temptation to be up there at the Popepodium with thousands of people assembled in the courtyard every day and not occasionally break into Unchain My Heart.
Or maybe, just maybe (my heart trembles at the thought), a kick-boxing Pope. THAT is what the Catholic church really needs. Nobody is going to call the Mother Church old, tired and stodgy with a kick-boxing Pope at the helm. A kick-boxing ninja Pope.
How freaking cool would that be, eh? You'd have young toughs lining up around the block to convert to an ass kicking religion like that. And just think about how this would let the Catholics compete in the Asian markets. What Buddhist monk could stand up to the force of the kick-boxing ninja Pope? Or better yet, a kick-boxing ninja RoboPope!
Yeah, that would be tooooo sweet!
Sometimes NPR actually has some good shit on it.
Who'll play the Pope in the movie?
I figure it'll be Matt Damon for the young Pope, Mel Gibson for the older Pope and Marlon Brando for the Popely Pope.
With Brando as the Popely Pope they won't have to do as much to fake all of the medical problems.
Do you think they'll put the Popemobile up on eBay now?
The Pope died after a long and fruitful life and people all over the world are mourning and praying for him.
Why?
The mourning I understand. The pontiff was a well loved man. But why pray for the Pope? I mean, he was the frickin Pope! Leader of the Catholic Church, mouthpiece of God and all that good stuff. He's pretty much a shoe-in for whatever's supposed to come next.
Praying for the Pope is a waste of a good prayer. It's like praying that your reuben sandwich will have corned beef on it. Dude, it's a done deal. Already in the bag. Success by definition. Minutes taken, meeting adjourned.
So don't waste your effort with Pope prayers. Aim those prayers at a place where they can do some constructive good. Join me in praying that Hillary Clinton will find a soul. Or at least a clue.
Thought I forgot all about updating for this one, didn't you? Well, you were right. But fortunately Outlook didn't forget and successfully pestered me into doing it today.
The Points board is current for everything that's closed and there's still one contest post open for those looking to increase their totals.
As I parked the car last night the song playing on the radio was "Soak up the Sun" by Sheryl Crow. Weirdly enough it was the first song on the radio when I started up the car this morning.
I like listening to Sheryl Crow. She's got a voice that is pleasing to the ear. The problem I have is when I listen to the actual words of Sheryl Crow songs they have a tendency to piss me off. This is mostly because she's one of those au natural dirty hippies and her songs tend to reflect that fact.
Anyway, I tried very hard not to listen to the words of "Soak up the Sun" this morning because it's an enjoyable song and it was pleasing to hear Sheryl singing to me in the early morning hours. Unfortunately I couldn't help hearing this lyric:
It's not having what you wantIt's wanting what you've got
Dammit, no! Sheryl, not even you can possibly believe that little bit of tree hugging wisdom. Yes it's a sweet sentiment. Sure, it would look great on a Tender Moments card or plastered to the back of a flower patterned VW bus. But please! That's about the least true truism ever spouted by a hippie rocker.
If this was true - that it's not about having what you want - then Sheryl would still be a nobody stoner folk singer playing on open mike night 'for the love of her music'. She wanted a bigger audience. She wanted better equipment. She wanted her own band. She wanted to make shitloads of money. And she achieved these things because it IS about having what you want.
I can't imagine what my life would be like if I had been raised to just be happy with what I had. Can you imagine? I wouldn't be married. Wedding my Lovely Wife was something I didn't have that I wanted. I wouldn't have kids - they were also things I didn't have and that I wanted. I wouldn't have a house. Wouldn't have a car. Wouldn't have a job.
What a sucky life I'd be living if it was all about just wanting the things I already had.
Complacency is spiritual death. Living is about pursuing your desires. Sheryl knows this, it's just too bad she doesn't sing it.
With the Terry Shiavo thing so prevalent in the news and on everybody's lips living wills are getting some well deserved attention. All over the blogosphere you see people posting their digital equivalent. The three most common sentiments are:
- I want to live, no matter what, as long as possible.
- I don't want to live like a vegetable, no matter what, do me in please.
- I don't want to live like a vegetable but for the love of all that's holy please don't starve me to death.
My choice is none of the above. Here, I'll make it official:
I, James Peacock, being of (reasonably) sound mind and (for the most part) sound body do hereby solemnly swear and affirm that in the event my mental faculties are reduced to the point where I can be out-thought by a toaster that I officially do not give a damn what you do with my semi to fully mentally vacant meat puppet. It's up to you. If I am a financial burden and am holding back your life then do me in without regrets. If it is a comfort to you to have my non-sentient living corpse lying about then by all means keep me going. If you can make some cash by decorating me with sparkles and posing me in compromising positions with various woodland animals then have at it.
Seriously. Whatever will make the lives of my survivors better, no matter what that is, you have my permission to do it.
Now, to avoid the possibility of a repeat of the Shiavo/Schindler feud I'll take care of any possible disagreements right off the bat: In the event that my survivors disagree on what to do with me, whoever has the least permanent plan wins. So if one relative wants to inject me with morphine until I expire and another wants to pose me on their mantelpiece, the poser wins. Simple enough, right?
I think that covers everything. Carry on.
