Long suspected, Taco Bell's insidious germ warfare program is finally brought to the world's attention.

"Piss Tomatoes" wasn't quite as controversial an art exhibit as "Piss Jesus."

My first Caption Contest win! I'd like to thank Jim, Bacon, Burger, and Bear for walking around shirtless!

And man oh Manischewitz! The Points contest is tightening up, eh?

Merry Christmas, all ya'll from all of us'ns.

xoxo
M, M, R & Little M

Jim~ your keepin track right? I'm one away from Dafyd. (I think)

Ouch. That's cold. Stone cold.

Points awarded.

No caption, but that's a great photo.

Marlon Brando proving that re-incarnation is not a myth!

All have is:

"Hey baby, you wanna date?"

I swear I had balls when I went to sleep last night, what the f#&% did you sick bastards do with them and what the hell am I supposed to lick now?

Relax, Phin. It's perfectly normal.

Now, would you like to come up with a caption for the contest?

Well, Jim just won.

Ouchies. I think thats gonna leave a mark.

That obese cat looks like a degenerate gambler, a raging alcoholic and a foul-mouthed truck driver all rolled into one package.

Not very imaginative attempt, but:

"Fuck off."

You were just jealous - you bastard - and now look what've you done... I hate you.

"I licked and I licked and I licked all the hair off my belly, and I still can't find my balls."

I immediately thought "Michael Moore reincarnated" and then saw Rob's entry.

I guess I should be happy that Shank finally posted a recent photo. His bride-to-be must be so proud.

A pussy relaxes after taking a lickin'.

After a long passionate night Mr. Puss says:
"If Jimmy ever tries the shocker on me again I'm putin' a shank in his kidney."

Fluffy the Hutt was not at *all* pleased when Han Solo had to dump the load of Triskelian Mice he was smuggling.

"I'm not fat. I'm big-boned."

"Honestly though, that idiot Tom chases Jerry around all damn day, just for a tasteless morsel. Why the hell should I do that when I can sit here licking my own crotch and being fed all the Fancy Feast a cat could want?

Hey, could somebody bring me another tuna juice Mai Tai?"

I gotta another...

"that's one big fat pussy"

Speilberg's additional revisions to ET, The Super Director's Cut Extended Version correct what, in the director's words, were "Massive problems with the original cast including an unsympathetic protagonist and the lack of a strong female lead character".

Well, maybe I can come up with one or two:
GWB: "Now Jenna, how many times has daddy told you to wash your hands before dinner?"
Or equally equal-
Always inquisitive, Bush asks to sniff the finger that pokes. Why? 'Because I'm the most powerful man in the free world...Bitch! Hahahaha!'
Or maybe even-
Not only is Daily Kos's only female contributor a woman, but she's always up Bush's ass. Thanks for taking a hit for the team Marge!
And while we're at it-
G-dub: "See, she's showing number one, but we all know that's a number two. heh heh heh."
Meanwhile, back at the ranch-
shank: "I don't care if she's got poo on her finger, I'd still hit it."

Is this for points?

Hmmmm.....Yes. Points will be awarded.

"ok...now, that was the first part of the Dirty Sanchez let me show you the next"

"Gimme a hit off your purple stick'"
"Lemme see that for a sec, I haven't had my brown sugah for the mornin"

Tiffani will do anything for points.

And that Mister President is the last time I'll demonstrate the reverse technique for the Shocker!

GDub: You want to know why she's my proctologist? She's got small fingers!

I know I am a points whore. I'm not ashamed!

I'm a dirty little points whore too!

Hey Paul. You putting out points for this one? The season is close to ending.

Holy mackeral! Jim's awake!

Good Lord...this place is gonna shrivel up and die from neglect. I miss you Jim. Where you be?

I'm in a dark, spooky place. If I turn North I see a wall. To the South is a table with a key.

[South]

I see a table with a key.

[Take key]

The table attacks me.

[Bust table]

Command not understood.

[Smash table]

Command not understood.

[Fuck the damn table up real good!]

I fuck the table.

______________

It's sort of been going like that.

Just couldn't think of anything really funny.. so i put what i like to call average jokes. Not quite bad.. but not quite good either.

WOW!!!!! REALLY??!!!!! I got the SnoozeBob Award!!!!! I am so honored!!!!!!

It wasn't cuz I called you a filthy bastard in the SHARE (I know it was share and not sham.... I just KNOW it!) ..... LOL

Btw, this will probably be my WAY COOLEST bday gift. *grin* Thank you!!

Nah, Dave asked my for my favorite before you commented. That was just a bonus for me. ;-)

Points have been applied!

Yay, you guys rock.

*Wipes tears from eyes*
I've never won anything before.

What do you mean I have no points yet? (er, that's my caption......)

I'm knpepper's mother-in-law. How did she get my picture in here? Ruff. Ruff.

This was one shot that Harper the dog did not want to show up on the internet, much less in his PlayGirl layout.

This was one shot that Harper the dog did not want to show up on the internet, much less in his PlayDog layout.

Former President Clinton has hired a new intern and her O-Face leaves a lot to be desired.

*** Link may not be work safe and requires sound.

Poor FiFi loved to play fetch. Unfortunately, her favorite toy took a bad bounce and wound up in the fireplace.

Lookin' this good ain't easy baby.

Fido was distraught that his segment on American Idol's Worst Audition episode was cut due to time constraints and FCC concerns.

I'll take another stab at it... My first one was pretty lame anyway.

Autopsy Photo Exhibit A: Dog had apparently been playing "fetch" with dynamite.

Mines plain and simple...

"Fuck You"

That was the only thing that came to mind when I say the picture.

"I feel pretty. Oh so pretty." *singing* of course.

"Do you think my teeth whitening treatments are working?"

I like to feed the dog those really sour candies...

Finally lost 200 pounds,now stuck with all the wrinkels.In pre-op now for straightning surgery.

Dammit the wrinkles didn't come out of all the towels.

Maybe if I lie here really quite like they will think I am just another towel.

In an effort to thwart terrorism in America's linen closets, the FBI has developed and trained a litter of Doberman Pincers with highly evolved camoflage.

The makers of Snuggle brand fabric softner passed on this original idea for a spokesanimal, opting for the much more boisterous (and less drooly) teddy bear.

I know this isn't a quote:
"So I took that really goodlooking girl from the bar took me home last night."
"Yeah?"
"Everything was going fine, she asked me to spend the night."
"And..."
"Well, the sex was great, but you guys are never going to believe what I mistook for a cum rag..."

I will just take a quick nap while waiting to be ironed.

I suck at this, Jim. Dammit.

The highly evolved chua-chua waits for its pray, the unsuspecting naked human. Little does the human know, its this chua-chua's snak time...

This is what happens when you nag your husband about "Doing a load of laundry for once, and maybe give the dog a bath".

what does this have to do with anything??

"Great information here. Just what I needed to complete my essay. Thanks. In my opinion the internet is the key to success!

Posted by: Katrin Love at April 26, 2005 08:49 AM"

Looks like comment spam to me. Must have missed it in my drunken stupor.

Spammer slain. Yay!

"Alright, honestly, what's more comfortable? The towel or me?"

Sadly, the cap was left off the special glue for Rex's patches and no other glue was found that would stick to his fur to cure his leak.

*pop* *pfffffft*

Jim's Basset Hound spends far too much time in the bath...

Monday's deflate me.

Man to woman: Honest honey, I thought they were a matching set.

A dog that can hitch any length and breadth of the Galaxy,rough it slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through and still know where his towel is, is clearly a dog to be reckoned with.

I'm only 11 pts off the lead!

I suck. I had nothing, I tell you, NOTHING! *shaking fist at the God's of Creativity who blessed me with not one frickin' ounce!*

However.... that said... it is always fun to come over and see what people came up with. These are great!

I've got to contribute to this one 'cause this caption has been bouncing around in my head since I first saw this picture:

"The Ace Novely Company tried several variants before settling on the now classic Snake in a Can."

You were right, I can't fit my head in the can

Great Goddamn Jim, I'm trying to eat lunch. Put the freakin' camera down.

Finally! A place where I can escape Jim's *ahem* man hair!

But it worked on TV!!!

You know, I bet this would be easier with a spoon...and thumbs...

My eyes...Dear God...the tile it's hurting my eyes. Must hide my eyes!

This one comes from my wife:

"Good to the last drop."

CANNED DOG MEAT WARNING: Do not shake before opening.

"D Cell batteries not included."

I'd been starving since shortly after breakfast, and I wasn't thinking straight. The *cats* get to eat all day long. No morning and evenings only schedule for *them*. And they were taunting me with their full bellies and their yellow eyes. So I said, "Screw you, pussies! I don't need the Master and his stupid can opener!"

The next thing I know, I wake up in a psychadelic room with my head stuck in a can and a rattling mouse shoved up my ass.

Ahem. Make that "psychEdelic." Blasted typo gremlins.

Reverse engineering is never pretty.

Bingo's twelve-step program wasn't going as well as he'd hoped.

"Who's your daddy?"

"Who let the dogs out..."

"Alright, who put super glue around the rim?"

Although feedbags have been met with much success in horse and pony markets, the innovation was met with some degree of hesitation when Pedigree introduced a similar product for the canine market. It was pulled shortly thereafter.
------
Another one of life's embarrassing lessons: Don't go sticking your nose where it doesn't belong.
------
Hello Ambition, my name is Lack of Forethought.

I'm just so honored to be nominated with this group of talented bloggers. I'd like to share this award with all of you.

Well, not really. :-)

Great Goddamn Jim, I'm eating lunch.

Good caption!

Betty gots herself some hail damage tryin' to squeeze in her itty bitty car.

"How you doin, baby? You lookin' for a date?
You're not cop, are you?"

Quick, to the Gaymobile.

"How do I get in this new-fangled mumu?!?"

I thought I whiffed a donut! Isn't there a donut in here? What about some french fries?

Ummm,
Your "click to enlarge" button isn't really working for me.

Falling on hard times after his latest documentary failed to get a single Academy Award nomination, director Michael Moore was forced to give up his chauffeur driven SUV and purchase a used car.

His critics were quick to point out that the everyman from Flint bought an import.

Ever get some ass in a Yugo?
She sure as hell couldn't.

(or was it a he?)

I really *was* eating lunch. Sit down at my desk, click on a few links...suddenly I'm not that hungry anymore.

Can I post twice?

HEY!
G@%D@mn automatic seatbelt retractor!

Renee Zellweger, shown here while preparing for her Oscar winning role in "The Marlon Brando Story."

What's the difference between a Jeep and a rental car?
There are just somethings you can't do in a Jeep

"Greenpeace, deciding it is too labor-intense to push them into the ocean, has provided alternate transportation. "

I dont care if Paul from Sanitys-edge sent you, just pick a fold!

Where's the map? That nudist beach is here somewhere.

"An unidentfiied car-jacker successfully scares away the owner of this little car, only to find that her car-jacking weapon has it's limitations."

Ford's first attempt at novelty Air Bags backfired badly when they informed the designer he was to be fired after the launch...

"Honey, does my butt look big next to this car?"

"OK Jim, sweetie, I'm ready..."

Dude, you just soiled my vacation.

"I know I put my toy boy somwhere here," she said.

Sweeeeeeet! I'm finally on the board.

BOOO! Trey was robbed!

Dude, I am proud of my two points.

I would like to thank the academy and... um... Ted Kennedy's capillaries... and, of course, stolichnaya for the support...And my mama and Elvis.

Thank you!

That is the funniest kittie-blogging picture ever! I love it!

I Can't Take It Anymore!! ~Dammit, this would've worked much better if they'd gotten me the CANNED fool like i wanted.~

"What's that kitten doing in that bowl of food?"

"Looks like the breaststroke"

...and in Kitty Heaven, the food bowls are ALWAYS full, and he can nap ANYWHERE he wants...

Today's Headline: When Cat Narcoleptics Attack!

Food Dish Diving at it's best.

or

I thought the food would be more cushiony.

(in a Daffy Duck voice)

It's mine, mine all mine.

Since I can't go Narco -- and, nice one Helen -- I'll try:

He OCP'ed! The kitty Over Cocoa Puffed!

Our special today is pan seared tabby with cheerio confit. Would you like to start with an appetizer?

"How much would you pay now? It's a food dish - it's a cat bed - and as we'll soon see, it's also a litter box!"

Every year, thousands of kittens such as this one succumb to the horrors of Kitty Kibbles & Krack. Just say "Meow" to drugs.

"No honey. When I say don't fall asleep while eating pussy...oh, never mind."

Interestingly, the proposal for remaking the movie _Seven_ with kittens went through several rounds of review before being rejected.

Can you hear me "Meow"

Whoo-hoo!

That ain't no picture! Check out these pictures... not during lunch. http://www.pbnation.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=777869

See how many parts you can identify...

Hmph. I didn't win. I'm insulted. Now I pout. :-(

Forgetting that the reindeer were still attached, Santa threw it in reverse and floored it.

"The new Dodge Durango: Everyone wants to look inside."

How come I don't see any picture?

Try it with your glasses on.

"I thought you tied it to the bumper."

I heard that putting some peanut butter on it would encourage the animals, but I didn't know how much!

I'm telling you, I see NO PHOTO here. Really and truly.

This is why I never enter your contests...I never see the damned photo.

I'm tellin' ya...I don't see it!

Brents experiemnt with driving with night vision googles came to a quick ending.

"The local deer craze known as 'Overpass Diving' came to an abrupt end Thursday night when, following a near-perfect 3 1/4 rotation dive, tragedy struck."

Ram tough *this* ....

Santa's new, high-tech American-made sleigh had a few mechanical problems. Dodge is issuing a recall.

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear

When Michael Moore says he'll get lunch on the road, he really means it.

"Honey, he REALLY needed a ride..."

"Oh, deer."

DOH!

A deer!

A female deer!

Another embittered Kerry voter decides to end the pain.

"That's not an airbag."

It was a sad day for all when Bambi learned to jaywalk.

I have no funny things to add, since I am humorless today.

But please, please let Machelle win. I laughed my fool ass off with her entry.

Paris and Nichole are at it again....

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,144465,00.html

"This Dodge owner later sued Dodge for not being quite as "Ram Tough" as he'd hoped."

OK, a combine I could see. I couldn't think of anything that could make cuts that regularly spaced on a (I assume) grounded airplane. ..

...except for Wolverine.

"Right, now lets take her back up for the stress test."

Despite months of therapy, Capt. Mike Moloney still hadn't conquered his compulsive tin opener fetish

Sissors beats paper.

Airplanes make me angry. Very angry.
--Wolverine

Yeah - but you should see the Slice-O-Matic!

I see Benihana Chefs are using much bigger knives these days.

Slinky, Slinky, Everyone knows its a slinky!

And that's why boxcutters aren't allowed on SMALL planes, either.

If only I'd been here four hours earlier I could have used MY slinky one. Stupid lunch break!

"Upon further reflection, Bob decided his slinky plane idea might not pan out."

OK, how about ...

"You have to go to war with the Air Force you've got. This design, created by physicists at MIT, will ultimately foil insurgent and terrorist radar. Plus we saved 78 bucks on this handy dandy self ventilating system!"

Bassamatic!

"Frightened cats attempt high-altitude escape. More at 11."

This, Ladies and Gentleman, is why "Edward Scissorhands meets Godzilla" was such a HUGE flop!

Nothing like a nice slice of plane for breakfast. Better than sliced bread, I tell you!

"What helicopter? I don't see a helicopter..."

Ginsu knives it slices, it dices

You think THAT'S tight formation flying? You ain't seen nuthin'... watch THIS...

Heard minutes before: "Hey guys! Watch this!"

The amazing Ronco knife set....slices, dices, takes care of your light chopping work!!!

I don't have a caption. This one has me clueless. But, I vote for Kevs!

Just out of curiousity, Jim: Do you have the story behind what happened to that airplane? I'm really curious!

Elite French Commandos? Don't tell me, they are HALO dropped behind enemy lines, make their way unseen into the chambers of the president/prime minister/king/dictator/grand poobah, and under cover of darkness surrender? Or are they sent in before any conflict even begins to perform pre-emptive capitulations?
:-D

No, they infiltrate the coffee houses of the enemy, forcing the establishments to become ever more smarmy and expensive until their foes are forced by economic necessity and their last shreds of dignity to purchase and consume coffee from gas station convenience stores.

All is fair in love and war they say but these French commandos really push the limits.

Christ! I shouldn't have looked!

Here is my caption:

"Bob soon realized anal sex isn't all it's cracked up to be! "

Heh...DeAnna said, "Crack!"

New this fall on ABC ......Extreme Makeover/Monster Garage

"It doesn't hurt here or here. But it really hurts here."

Whadaya want from me I've been gone awhile and I'm a bit rusty.

"I told you to shove it up your ass,not your leg!Can't you READ things right for just ONCE?"

Does the most stupid caption get points,too?

You really need a warning for those of us opening these things before breakfast.

"John returned the pogo stick to Toys R Us the very next day."

"John finally proves you cannot make a square fit in a round hole."

"John, we're going to have to amputate..."

PS: sorry to all the Johns out there.

Proof that some Englishmen do indeed have a pole stuffed up their English Channel.

Tired of the constant wisecracks from coworkers, Bill set out to prove that he is most definitely not spineless.

The wisecracks against his intelligence were, however, suddenly reinvigorated.

--or--

"So am I going to need a tetanus shot doc? I hate needles."

Sure the ride in the spaceship was fun but it was no consolation for being abducted by the clumsiest aliens ever.

Of course I have to get in on this one too. It's too juicy to pass up.

"Look Ma! No hands!"

Damnit, Bud, there are other ways to attach the boat to the pole.

Can I use a picture of my bruise?:-)

Lame attempt warning:

"A three hour tour, a three hour tour..."

Highly inebriated boater, showin' off to boatload of passin' bikini-clad babes, drives boat between the middle of two poles he sees stickin' out of water.

For the second time, suspected drug runner Carlos Puerte uses the boat's actual name as his excuse for destroyin' such.

John Kerry Attempts to Ride Swiftboat Record to Presidential Victory

"Honey, it says split it in 3, not 2."

"And that's how I came to own 'Temporary Insanity 3'."

"Alright, you can drive now."

"Yes, we are there yet."

While water skiing off Martha's Vineyard, Senator Kerry learned the hard way no to let Ted drive the boat either.

Keg of beer and a bottle of Jack - $125
Speed Boat Rental - $1000
Out running the coast gaurd , turning to show them your ass, only to slam the boat into a pole, propell yourself 500' through the air onto the beach missing your shorts - Priceless

"Bloddy women drivers"

"Boat eats oil rig"

"I'll think we will just tie up here"

"Submarine attacks boat"

"Thats the last time i let you drive"

"I said left!"

Excellent work! Now let's get some pole dancers onboard and make a party of it.