Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
April 15, 2005
See problem, find solution
(Category: Snooze Button Dreams )

It's begging week pledge drive time at NPR. This time they are doing something a little bit different. They are going to end the begging drive as soon as they reach their goal! Cool, right? Well, no. They've never reached their goal so the chance that they'll reach their goal early is about the same as Michael Moore passing on a deep fried Twinkie.

But I've thought of a way to end this annoying crap early after all. You see, the magic number is for pledges of donations, not the donations themselves. This means that all somebody (meaning "you") has to do to stop the madness is to call up and pledge $600,000 or so. Badda boom, badda bing, pledge drive is over.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Yeah that's great except for the $600,000 debt I'd incur". Well you're wrong. There's no legal financial obligation to fulfill your pledge. A pledge is just your personal promise to give them your money.

Now you're thinking "So you want me to break my word, corrupt my honor, defile my personal integrity just so you don't have to listen to a bunch of whining beggars during your morning commute?" Of course not! I would never ask you to do such a thing. All you have to do is get somebody else to make the pledge. I've got the perfect solution to this problem too. Bums.

That's right. Get a bum to make the call for you. Hell, if a bum is willing to suck a dick for a bottle of Thunderbird it shouldn't be hard to get them to make a phone call for you. If you're a decent negotiator you might even be able to get the BJ and the phone call for the same bottle. They don't have any teeth so it'll probably be worth it.

So get on out there now and find yourself a bum. I greatly appreciate your assistance in this matter.

Posted by Jim | Permalink
Comments

The apparent intimate knowledge that you have of what bums will do for a bottle of rail wine intrigues me. What impresses me moreso is that you are still Machiavellian even in your dealings with them. I salute you, sir.
:-D

Posted by: tommy at April 15, 2005 09:31 AM

Heh. I think I was channeling Velociman at the end there.

Posted by: Jim at April 15, 2005 09:40 AM

Of course, with Glenn Reynolds around, it's hard to find live bums these days...

http://www.imao.us/archives/000588.html#000588

Posted by: Harvey at April 15, 2005 11:31 AM

That wont work, they'll say oh look someone donated the entire amount.. lets just double what we are looking for 1.2mil.

Posted by: pylorns at April 18, 2005 09:46 AM
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