By now I'm sure you're all familiar with LOLCats, but just in case you're not:
...and...
You get the basic idea, yes?
It's been a while since we've had a points-o-rama, so here we go:
Using these supplied photos, create a LOLCat of your own design. Submit via the comments (use your blog or any one of the myriad number of photo hosting sites available); each submission will get points, and the bombass ones will get even more points. I'll kick it off below the fold.
Okay, it's time to tally the points from the 'Donate a Name For Our New Blogger' contest.
Susan - I liked this one at first, because it was so simple. Then I decided it paled in comparison to what would become the competition. -5 for tommy.
Slutbucket and Slaptasm - Slutbucket is something you hear drunk bitches screaming at eachother in a chick fight; -2. Slaptasm, although creative (+2), doesn't make any sense to me without further description. Total score, 0.
Fuckhead - Funny, but then I realized I was just playing favorites. As such, Paul will incur no penalty, but I'm now -7 for being a nepotist. Unfortunately for the rest of you, I'm also +142,398,756 for being a member of this oligarchy we run at SBD.
The Suck - Very creative. -8.
Susan Spermblogger - Firstly, - ∞ for not sharing links regarding said pornstar. However, I appreciated the compound name (one of few); so I grant thee +147,293 points. Which is a drop in the bucket on your way back to zero.
Fart Rooster - Personally, I loved this one. It made absolutely no sense at all, but my mind kept trying to put these two familiar words together to form a mental picture. I'm not sure it really suits Bill, but +9 for something that made me laugh.
Patsy - That's my sister's name; you ass. Go to Hell, and minus whatever Bill says you deserve.
THE Tinkey Winkey - Humorous, but I'd have a problem referring to some dude with a phallic psuedonym.
Ron Jeremy's Cock - See above, minus the 'Humorous' part. Besides, why would you want to be named after something that's been in and out of more whores than a herion needle?
Bumhole McFingerin' - I like that it alludes to said blogger's penchant for having his ass stuffed by strangers, but I don't want to think about fingering butt holes when I think about Bill. Even though it's pretty much already that way, thanks to him.
Sally Scrabby Raphael - Maybe if it were Sally Scabby Raphael. +1 for the full name.
Bill - Look, the whole point of this is to come up with a funny name. And goddamit, if I wasn't afraid that Bane would creep through my house while I slept and slice off my nutsack; I'd dock him points and maybe ban his IP. However, I am absofuckinlutely terrified that he will do exactly that; so he wins the contest hands down. Hey, what can I say. I love my balls right where they are.
Snibbley Fartwobbler - Another good, creative name. Except the Snibbley part. That sounds like something out of a Disney movie. +1/2 pt.
Cindy Brady - I thought this was hilarious. Firstly, Bill's a total whiner. It's what he does best. And secondly, those fucking pigtails he insists on wearing make me want to hit him with a spiked bat. +9 for Ted.
Lola - The name was good and all, so I give you +2 for it. I also give you +17 for the job hunt. I hate job hunting. However, you did win last year; which means you start this year at -37. Sorry, it was in the contract you signed. Yeah, down at the bottom...the fine print...see.
And lastly, if you don't think your submission was judged fairly and without prejudice against your person; there is an appeals process. You see, this is SBD - a website that believes in 'liberty and justice for all'; as you can see on the right sidebar there. So if you feel you've been slighted, please feel free to go fuck yourself. It's your celebrated, god-given and protected right.
So I noticed the new blogger called me 'skank' the other day. Not that I really give a shit if someone gets my pen name wrong (I mean, how can you be pissed if someone misspells your fake name, only further obscuring your identity?), but I figured this was a good chance to throw out some snooze points since only three people read this blog and the person in the points lead is Pixy.
A name which puts me off a bit, considering whoever that is can smite any of us at any time. And that it's a dude. I've heard it's a dude. What kind of guy goes by Pixy? For real man, at least be Pixy The Beastmaster, or Pixy the Terrible or something. You're fucking giving me goosebumps with your pervasive androgeny..
So I humbly propose to you that from now until May 8th, SBD will be taking submissions for what we should call our new blogger. Honestly, the name 'Will' does no justice to The Suck to which we have all been exposed; and I think it's time we put a definitive name to such a blogger. He's been around for quite a while, mediocre-ing it up, and I think he needs a fitting and proper title.
You can submit them here or via email at my address to the right. On the 8th, I'll post up the entries, and the 3 or 6 or 8 or whatever most fitting, and hopefully figure out a polling script.
My submission? -> Janine.
Okay, in the following video clip, a group of people can be heard cheering "Alahu Akbar!" at the victory celebration of the first Muslim congressman elected to office in the US. In frickin Minnesota, of all places.
If you can give me one good reason why that shouldn't send up a red flag, I'll give you a whole fifty bucks.
Link here. If you don't want to watch the whole thing, go to the last few seconds of the v-log and you'll see the clip.
Seriously, that's the equivalent of the KKK showing up and screaming "White is right!" Double Yoo Tee Ef?
This was a true story.
The class ring bit was a joke that apparently no one got.
Not only is it a true story but I glossed over most of it and completely left out the six hour emergency room visit and cleaning up of what seemed to be huge pools of blood (not mine).
The one thing I’ll never forget is how heavy my buddy’s head was. I remember learning somewhere that the average adult human head weighed sixteen pounds, but I’m telling you that thing was heavy when I was trying to pry it off the plate. I paid with my friend’s credit card because he’s the one who ordered the expensive (even for me) wine and then caused a huge scene. When I reflect back on the whole thing I view it as one of my worst days.
Five points each to:
And while I’m at it I owe Trey Givens and Orgoo five points each from a few months ago. Jim, when you find the time, would you do the honors? I have no idea how.
Remember this?
Okay, Rob gets five points for a recipe way worse than mine. Our own Jim gets five points for possibly the most disgusting recipe on planet earth. The rest weren’t real recipes. However…
Phin managed to make me throw up in mouth and that ought to be worth something. Let’s call it three points.
I've done a bit of sidebar work. Did you notice? The Snooze Points section has moved up a bit and there's an addition to it. Posts that have open points still available are now listed. Yay!
I'm also going to reiterate the introduction and rules and link this post in the sidebar for reference.
Snooze Points - what the hell?
Snooze Points are a year-long contest for my readers. Every so often there will be a post with a bit of trivia, a contest, or something else for readers to answer. The person who gets the trivia question correct first, or the person who does best in the contest will get points. The number of points depends on how difficult I think the trivia bit was or how big the contest was. Some contests will have multiple winners (Grand prize, runner ups).
During the season every player who has at least one point gets a link in the sidebar. When it gets too full the top 10 will be listed with regular links and the rest will be collapsed (like my blogroll). The links are still on the first page though so you'll always have that going for you.
At the end of the season the overall point leader gets a present. Last season's winner (Rob from XSet) got some stylin custom t-shirts and the story behind them. The top few finishers stay linked at the top of the Snooze Points section through the entire next season.
The rules
No computer assisted searching is the only real rule. That means no Googling, imdb-ing, MapQuesting, Mirriam-Webstering, etc. Just plain no ing-ing.
Other references are more than acceptable. Got a book? Look it up. Mom is a movie quote buff? Ask her. Remember me writing about it a year ago? Browse my archives - just don't use the search function on my site.
It's all about having a bit of fun. Keep it honest, keep it light, profanity is encouraged.
Stealth Points
These are sneaky little demonic trivia bits that can be stuck just about anywhere. If you see something in one of my posts that is a movie quote, book quote, or otherwise would have served as a decent trivia question, it could be a stealth point.
Just shout out in the comments with something like this: Stealth point! [answer/source/whatever]. But instead of [answer/source/whatever] put in your answer, source, or whatever.
Notifications
If you'd like to be put on the notification list for when a Snooze Point post goes up just send me an email and I'll stick you on the list. I don't always remember to send out notifications but it's a free service so you really do get more than you paid for in any case.
