I saw this bumper sticker yesterday that said REAL MEN LOVE JESUS. It struck me as odd, because I can't think of anything more arbitrary or removed from manhood than something like 'loving Jesus'. I mean, by this logic anyone who loved Jesus would be a real man; which would make being a real man pretty inexclusive and, frankly, too easy. If you don't love Jesus you're not a real man? It also struck me as funny, because of the obvious underlying insecurity. "Don't make fun of me for loving Jesus, because it makes me a real man. See, I can be a man and love Jesus too." Well, if you have to inform everyone that loving Jesus does, in fact, make you a real man; does it really make you a real man, or are we just shoring up our percieved shortcomings as a man? It's tantamount to saying REAL MEN LOVE GOING TO THE STORE FOR THIER SPOUSE'S TAMPONS. It's an absurd attempt to turn something that's got nothing to do with masculinity into an identifying trait of masculinity.

A more appropriate bumper sticker might say REAL MEN LOVE GRILLING, or maybe REAL MEN LOVE SWINGING A SLEDGEHAMMER. These are much better, because I don't think any man, Christian or not (gay or straight, black or white, dress left or right, etc), would pass up the opportunity to stand around the grill with his chums, or lay waste with his favorite blunt implement. Of course, they also go without saying; which only reinforces the irrationality of the Jesus bumper sticker itself.

There's always the argument that the two suggestions above also have nothing to do with masculinity. So let's boil it down to a physical characteristic: REAL MEN HAVE PENISES; scientifically proveable, no? This is where it gets funny, because the language is real men. REAL men? As opposed to fake men, I'm assuming. The funny part is the adjective 'real' actually throws a heavy fog of uncertainty over what exactly we're identifying as 'men' here. Which is pretty confusing considering that's exactly what we're trying to do: identify men. Try it without the word 'real': MEN HAVE PENISES. A statement of fact, no doubt. But when you add 'real' to the front of the statement, it takes on a tone of exclusivity that would throw out those people who might feel like men but don't have penises. Ahem...Carrot Top.

Basically, there are two conclusions that can be drawn here:
1. Being a REAL MAN has nothing to do with masculinity
and/or
2. There is not a single characteristic that defines REAL MEN.

Either way, this person is riding around with a bumper sticker that is completely unintelligible.