I bought this new tooth paste the other day. It's Crest Cinnamon something or other. It's supposed to whiten your teeth more than regular toothpaste and freshen your breath with cinnamony goodness. All well and good, except it's red. I know you associate cinnamon with the color red. So do I. However, after brushing, when you're in spit phase, it looks like you're hacking up blood. Now, every time I brush, I think my gums are bleeding. I have to remind myself that it's just the toothpaste. But then I think to myself, hey! What if my gums are bleeding? I'd never know it.
So, a word of advice to the folks at Crest: Either dump the red-colored toothpaste, or call it something like: "New Cinnamon Crest - now with gingivitis! If you've never experienced the joys of bleeding gums, Try new Crest with gingivitis! Whiter teeth, fresher breath, and bloodier gums!" I mean really - who thought red toothpaste was a good idea?
So that's my latest bathroom hygiene woes. Innocuous enough for you?
P.S. By a show of comments, how many of you think that I'm at least as talented and funny as James Lileks?
Okay, how many of you agree that I at least have more hair than he does?
OMG, we're like twins or something. I, too, recently bought and started using Crest cinnamon thingie...and started thinking my guns were bleeding. I am horrified that we would have anything in common, even something as innocuous as toothpaste.
And we haven't seen a recent picture of you, so I am withholding judgment on the Lileks-hair question.
Who the fuck is James Lileks? He sounds like a cock smoker.
Oh, Jen, we have so much more in common than you think. Carbon-based, red-blooded, narcissistic...I could go on and on.
Skank - please tell me you're kidding.
GUNS bleed? I never knew.
Tiffani - where does it say GUNS? That's right! It doesn't. Idiot.
And even if it does, I am beyond criticism.
Goddamn pompous readers. Somebody tell me why we need them?
She's talking about me.
As a cock smoker, I can affirm that James Lileks isn't. We can tell, us butt pirates.
And while Bill does have more hair, he doesn't have a chin butt like Lileks does. Advantage: Lileks.
Keith,
Still exquisitely funny as ever.
Pompous is my middle name.. and no offense I just thought it was funny.
No offense taken, Tiffani. And while you may be pompous, I am a pompous ass.
Keith - my chin butt never fully developed, much to my dismay. I always wanted a Kirk Douglas chin butt. Alas, it wasn't to be.
(sniffle)