Alerted to a forgotten state ban, Philadelphia authorities have closed at least 16 storefront fortune-tellers.

This is beautiful. And they never saw it coming? I go off on this a few times a year because I can’t believe the nitwits who fall for this shit.

Alerted to an obscure state law banning fortune-telling "for gain or lucre," the city's Department of Licenses and Inspections is closing storefront psychics, astrologers, phrenologists and tarot-card readers who charge money for their services.

I guess it’s cool if you’re not in it for the lucre. Can someone please explain to me why these “psychics” can’t pick red or black in a casino? Why they can’t pick the powerball numbers? Why they can’t pick a winning stock? Why don’t they live in Vegas and sit in the sports book all day? Oh wait, I think I know why. Because they’re crackpots, mental deficients, frauds, swindlers or any combination thereof.

Most so-called psychics, he said, "are not little old ladies with kerchiefs on their heads" but clever con artists capable of stealing large sums - even life savings - from grieving or otherwise vulnerable people.

No shit? There’s a palm reader on my way home from work and the parking lot is always full.

One guy they interviewed had this to say:

"They're discriminating against Gypsies," he said, although he said he was born and raised in Philadelphia. Finally, he noted that critics "considered that Jesus was a psychic, a fortune-teller, and they crucified him."

I don’t see the parallel. On this one I’m going to have to say…crackpot. No—mental deficient. Hell, I’m not sure.

But there was a time when Will and I told fortunes on our respective blogs. Go ahead; ask us a question about the future. We’re at your disposal. We’re okay because we’re not accepting lucre.