Bill is too busy listening to Indigo Girls bootlegs, getting his asshole fingered by strangers, and studying yet another of his voluminous bowel movements to talk to you people.

So instead, I'll offer you a miracle. I'm not one to forward emails that have been forwarded to me; an offense that usually results in the offender being cussed out (in person, if possible). But I got a real gem of a heartwarming email this week that really brightened my day. It's below the fold, and I don't want you to read it unless you promise to share this post with ten of your friends.

Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day.

Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend...just as I've done.

I don't care if you lick windows, screw farm animals, take the short bus or occasionally crap yourself...

You hang in there sunshine, you're fucking special. ;)