We've got this guy at work who fancies himself to be some kind of stand-up comic. The fact that he's actually an AA and not a stand-up comic by trade is totally lost on him. At any rate, I try to avoid eye contact at all costs; but I made the mistake of getting into a conversation with him a few years ago, and that decision has haunted me ever since.

See, I showed up early for a meeting (another small mistake that has lead to years of pain) with one of my directors. I'm sitting outside the director's office in the same room with this guy and he strikes up a conversation (A red flag if there ever was one; I must've been tired that day) wherein he proceeds to tell me about this horrifying roommate situation he had going on. Apparently, the guy he was leasing half of his place to was keeping his own piss in five-gallon gasoline jugs and saving cigarette butts and ash in several of those large terra-cotta flowerpots. The 'real problem' (!!!), however, was that the roomie was paying his rent, not destroying the property or breaking any laws; so there was no legal way to evict him. I was shocked that he'd share this info with a total stranger, and privately humiliated that I had somehow been selected as the ideal confidant for this freakish bullshit. I tried to be as off-putting as possible. I chortled dryly, shrugged, and mumbled out one or two handy platitudes. From that day forward, the guy has never passed me in the hall without stopping to spit some corny-ass deadpan one-liner to me. This happens at least once a week. Sometimes they're funny, but more often than not they're unforgiveably crappy. Imagine watching the worst sitcom ever written (you know, the one where you see the characters' punchlines coming); except that it's written by a third grader with a chronic meth problem. I know he's going to say something he thinks is funny and creative; but it'll only end up
bombing. If this guy went to amateur night at the Apollo, he'd be beaten to death by the audience before security had a chance to throw him out of the place.

We're doing this employee appreciation thing this week, and part of the promotion is employees recognizing eachother. So there are all these 'Thank You' placards on the walls with the person's name and something they did that was helpful or beyond the call of duty. And I mean, these things are everywhere; there must be hundreds. So I'm walking down the hall and here comes the guy. I thought about jumping through a window, but decided to take it like a man. He makes eye contact from twenty feet away and smiles. I'm thinking; Oh shit, here we go; what's it going to be this time? And he let's this abomination loose:
"You know, heh, I've been telling everyone that you can't overuse the phrase 'donated a kidney to his neighbor's dog' on these things [tapping one of the placards papering the wall]. HEH!"

Time slows. I try not to stop walking and give two nervous laughs. I'm smiling with my mouth, but my brow is furrowed like a Kansas cornfield. I'm laughing because I'm afraid that if I completely ignore him, he'll spend the night under my desk and slit my Achille's tendon when I sit down tomorrow morning; but I'm frowning because I'm repulsed. In what universe is that funny? I think I understand what he's trying to get at, but I also think it would have been funnier if he just said it instead of coming up with some wild left-field pun. A second later, as time returns to it's normal pace, I'm practically sprinting down the hall away from him.

How do I cure this problem? I understand I did this to myself, but how do I get out of having to suffer this lunatic's sense of humor?