Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
September 11, 2006
Entry 1356-987
(Category: )

Flat front pants are horrible; I don't care how you cut it. There's just not enough room in the crotch of a pair of those things for a real set of balls. Seriously, I wore a pair all day today at the office; and my nutsack is still creased. I'm hoping that the throbbing ache will dull tomorrow. Unbelievable. Seriously, I was going to post a photo of what a guy's package looks like in a pair of those pants when he's sitting down; but seeing as how you could make out every wrinkle and vein, I decided against the pics. It's not like I've got abnormally large bits, in fact I'm sure it's a mindset. See, I'm a pretty laid back person, when I'm not at work my fashion sense most closely resembles something The Dude might don. My totally relaxed nuts just can't hack that buttoned down coporate bullshit man.

Check out this thread at HotAir, with the Loose Change wingnuts debating with some Popular Mechanics folks who no doubtedly contributed to the now epic article.

I was eating one of those dill pickles at work today - one of the kind that comes as a whole pickle, not a spear - and the fucking thing absolutely exploded on me. No one was in my office at the time, and eventually the juice dried up; but I smelled like a total moron all day long. It was very unprofessional.

Posted by shank | Permalink | TrackBack (0)
Comments

You are so wrong about flat-front pants. I have no idea what you are doing to your genitalia to abuse them like that in a pair of pants, but I am confident that you're doing something wrong.

Jeans are flat front. Do you have these problems in jeans?

I've spoken at some length about flat-front v. pleated pants for men and while I do think that pleated pants can be sophisticated and attractive, flat-front pants are better suited to most men in most situations.

Of course, any pants doused in pickle juice is way bad all the time.

Posted by: Trey Givens at September 12, 2006 10:59 AM

I love flat front jeans, they make my package look YOOJ.

That and I always hated ironing fucking pleats.

Posted by: Oorgo at September 12, 2006 04:55 PM

Trey - I was speaking specifically of slacks. Jeans don't bother me because they generally ride lower on my hips than slacks do, creating more crotchital room. Like a big ol' beanbag chair for my bits.

Posted by: shank at September 12, 2006 08:05 PM

I have heard some people complain about contemporary design trend in slacks to sit lower on the body. No longer do we wear pants at our waist (those of Urkell surname excepting) but rather we allow pants to hang from our hips at varying heights.

Once upon a time, I spent good money on a pair of "low rise" jeans. I was told that they looked great, but I felt very uncomfortable in them. Either I felt as if I was creating a handy slot for collecting spare change in the crack of my ass or I felt as if I was crushing my manparts.

Which makes me ask: have you considered wearing your flat front slacks lower or higher on your hips?

What are these slacks anyway? Who made them? What to they call the cut? (ex. BR Emersons)

For the life of me, I cannot imagine how you have come into such distress with flat-front pants and I really want to help you. You should definitely not be crushing nor putting on graphic display your beans and franks. It pains me that you cannot experience the casual sartorial bliss of flat front pants.

Posted by: Trey Givens at September 12, 2006 09:13 PM

I have several flat front, but I prefer pleats for all the reasons shank stated. (Most all are Dockers - I know, I'm lame). I can't wear them any lower without showing major plumber butt, and nobody wants to see that.

Anyhoo, the only conclusion I can draw is that Trey has no package.

Posted by: Clancy at September 13, 2006 12:47 PM

That could be, Clancy, but I think you owe me a thorough inspection to prove your case.

*smooch*

Posted by: Trey Givens at September 15, 2006 06:09 PM

sure baby!

Posted by: Clancy at September 18, 2006 02:47 PM

blackjacks blackjacks

Posted by: blackjacks at September 23, 2006 12:56 AM

floor lamp floor lamp

Posted by: floor lamp at September 25, 2006 01:28 AM
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