I've been following both the Weather Channel and CNN this week, and it looks like I'm going to get slammed by a TROPICAL DEPRESSION tomorrow. The Wife and I went and stocked up on batteries, toilet paper, bottled water, and canned foods. We bough two tanks of propane, a bigass Honda generator, and also splurged on one of those survival rafts that they keep on transoceanic sailboats. At least that way, if we have to stick it out because George Bush won't send FEMA or a bus or some other shit to come get us, we'll have enough to last us before we have to resort to cannibalism.

I also put up a bunch of plywood shutters to protect the house. You may not realize it, but a 40mph gale can cause serious damage. My cousin DeRay lost his dog in similar conditions - just up and disappeared. Of course, DeRay'd spent the previous three days cooking meth in the bedroom of his double wide and subsisting on Busch Ice. But I think that's beside the point.

I tried to take the next two days off work, because I wanted to stay home to protect my family from the looters that will inevitably begin roaming the neighborhood. My boss actually threatened to fire me though. She's obviously got no idea what kind of storm we're dealing with here. That's okay though, I plan on packing up a survival kit, so that when the basement of my building floods, I'll still be able to make my way across town to my home.

So people, if you don't hear from me for a few days; just say some prayers. I could be huddled in an interior room saying prayers with my family, eating canned greenbeans, picking off looters and awaiting rescue.