I’m not a big fan of nicknames unless they’re derogatory and used behind someone’s back. But what really tips me over the edge is people who decide they’re going to bestow upon themselves a nickname. And yes, adults do this.
There’s a big difference between legitimate and illegitimate nicknames.
Let’s say a guy buys a boat and tells all his friends about it. Eventually the friends go on the boat which is promptly run aground due to incompetence. The friends decide, spontaneously, to start calling the guy “Captain” much to his dismay. This is a legitimate nickname.
The other way is to pick a nickname for yourself (because you’re mildly retarded) and then try to put that nickname into play. I’ve seen this play a hundred times but two incidents come to mind immediately.
The first time I saw this phenomenon was in college. A guy stuck his hand out and said, “They call me Rebel.”
I was taken off guard and though I knew I was dealing with an asshole I couldn’t be bothered about it. The next time it happened I was ready for it. I was at a barbeque and a guy came up and stuck out his hand:
“They call me Crash.”
“But what’s your name,” I asked. He looked shocked.
“Everybody calls me Crash.”
“But you must have a real name? Is it Cecil or Hubert or something?”
He walked away fuming. Point, game, match.
I’m sorry, but I really can’t help myself. Anybody who has the balls to start a sentence with, “They call me…” is going to get shit from me. Not to mention the fact that people with real nicknames never introduce themselves with it. Most wish it would go away.
For the common good, please stamp out self-imposed nicknames at every opportunity.
There's a woman I talk to on the phone, her nickname is Viper. I just can't get myself to actually call her that even though she says "Hey Dave it's Viper" when I answer. She apparently got that nick because some people are scared of her.
I want the nickname "Mongoose"
I love nicknames. I come from a long line of folks that embrace love handles. If you're given a nickname, you are truly adored. I don't think there is any one in my family or any of our friends that doesn't have a nickname.
Now doesn't that make you grit your teeth?
;-)
Then there's the poor kid in Virginia who's been in the papers lately, fighting in court over cancer treatment.
His no-shit name is Starchild.
I'd change my name and strangle my parents. It'd probably be easy, I'd just wait until they were stoned. Again.
What about Shank?
Yeah, if someone's got a nickname, you never hear it from them. They never say "Hey, my name's Jackpot!" Their friends say "This is Po, this is Charlie Money, and the guy at the end of the bar is Jackpot." Most of the time, you actually have to ask these people what their REAL names are, because they've long since been dropped from the vernacular.
Moodie - shank is not a nickname, it's my fake name per the guidelines in the previous post. I actually don't have a nickname; probably because my real name is pretty short. Or maybe I'm just a boring, forgetable, bland personality.
So... have you ever pronounced that exclamation point and introduced yourself as "PAUL!" at the top of your lungs? :-)
I had nothing to do with !
That was set up for me and beggars can't be choosers, although I do make many a demand. I have never introduced myself with the exclamation.
My favourites are the nicknames that weren't originally ironic, but later became so.
Unfortunately, one of my girlfriends was called little Gemma, and it used to be true right up until the "Freshman 15", or in her case 30 piled on.
"Tilesey, why don't you introduce me as Little anymore?" - Yeah, that was a fun question...