I watched American Idol last night and came to the conclusion that both contestants suck. The chick is lacking that… je ne sais quoi…star quality. She does not exude charisma. Taylor Hicks? My wife and I thought he was mildly retarded for the first few weeks, what with those full-body jerking motions and all, but then again, we think most people are to some degree mentally handicapped. We’ve changed our minds on that though. Now we’re convinced he’s insane. Take a look at his eyes. The eyes are the key, and when I look at that guy I see a deep bend in the sanity department.

As far as singing goes, the broad impressed at the very beginning of the season but then stopped maturing or improving. She over sings a lot, but mainly she’s just good. Adequate. And her body is shaped funny. From some angles she looks chunky and from other angles she looks thin. I prefer a woman that looks the same from every angle; at least I know what I’ve got.

Taylor can sing but has a very limited range. Almost every song this season was in a bad key for him. His best work was the Joe Cocker thing. But at least he looks like he’s enjoying himself. Crazy people usually do.

Last night’s show was a sleeper—two repeats and two very shitty new songs. The chick’s song was so obviously a reworking of Kelly Clarkson’s first single that I sang the chorus of it to my wife during McPhee’s performance right over of the new song. I didn’t know the words but I made my point. My wife was amazed and proclaimed me all-knowing.

Who will win? I don’t care, and that’s a shame because I’ve always had a horse in the race in past seasons. This season I wasn’t impressed by any of them, frankly, compared to some of the talent in years past.

I predict the crazy man will win handily.