I like dogs. In fact, I like dogs more than I like people. But this idiotic bill will allow people to dine with their dogs at outdoor restaurants. I have a huge issue with this.

For starters, my idea of an obedient dog most likely differs from other people’s. For some reason a lot of people allow their dogs to bark incessantly, jump on people, dry hump people and assume you’re cool with it. I’m not.

Some people’s dogs bark at every other dog that comes near them. Not the dog’s fault mind you; most people can’t take car of themselves let alone a pet. When I think of a dog I think of a friendly lab or golden retriever sitting quietly at my feet happy and panting. Unfortunately, a lot of dog owners have nasty, yapping half feral rat dogs that bark continuously with impudence.

So now they have a brilliant plan to let people bring dogs to patio restaurants, where they can piss and shit where people eat. And before you call me an asshole, remember that I love dogs. While your dog may be gentle and obedient, the guy down the street may have a completely different idea about his dog’s behavior. I’ve said it many times—most people are assholes. And you know what? So are their dogs.

I can see it now, little kids and strange dogs put together in a dining environment. Pitt bulls and yappy rat dogs, owners constantly yelling at their pets and waiters having to work around it all. Sounds great, huh?

Some people advance ideas that are so stupid I cannot fathom how they get by in the world. It’s shaking my faith in Darwin.