I’m not talking about myself. I’m talking about the people all of us encounter in the workplace. Newcomers who believe they’ll change everything and be promoted to Chairman within six months. Straw bosses, recently promoted from gopher to assistant to the assistant of the assistant manager. I’m talking, essentially, about the people we work with that believe themselves to be the second coming, when in fact they have nothing to contribute except talk.

Talk, talk, talk.

I have a nose for incompetence. More importantly, I have the uncanny ability to see through bullshitters. Being a Class A bullshitter in my own right, most common, run-of-the-mill bullshitters don’t stand a chance with me. Yet, down at the office they seem to have an open door policy with these people. And without fail they march in like Garibaldi, waving their arms quoting J.P. Morgan and destroy departments en masse until they’ve done so much damage financially and personnel wise that by the time they’ve been shown the door there’s nothing left but rubble and smoking embers.

This takes place at all levels, from VPs down to lower level management, which is probably the worst. Some people just aren’t leaders. They have no idea how gain respect from colleagues and underlings. They believe it to be either divine right or they fire bullets into the ceiling like Hitler on his beer hall putsch. These people often have no leadership skills, either taught or inbred, yet they believe that they are correct in all things.

I don’t tolerate them. At the first instance of grandstanding I’ll usually let them have it. Yesterday afternoon I was forced to tell someone, in a boardroom in front of many, many important people that, “What Alfred is suggesting will void most of our profitable contacts overseas, run production costs up 36% and leave us vulnerable in the US. In addition, the figures he’s got up on the screen are last year’s numbers, and what’s more, they’re incorrect by over six million dollars. I have here the actual numbers if anyone is interested in seeing them.”

There was a great empty silence while everyone stared at Alfred and then he started stuttering and stammering, but by then everyone was already looking at the numbers I’d provided and good old Alfred was sweating through his poorly cut suit. I suspect that Alfred won’t last another month. The damage is irreparable.

Alfred has nothing to do with me or my department. I’m above Alfred and I have almost nothing to do with him or his group. He’s been here all of a month. However, he came to me last week with this master plan, a crossover type thing which had no merit. I told him why it wasn’t a good idea, that he needed to do more research and explained very carefully the mistakes he made in preparation. I really tried to help.

Do you know what Alfred told me? He said, “I’m a big dog with big ideas. You have no idea what’s coming, man.”

I’m not even sure he knew exactly who I was or not, but either way, I dislike his ilk. I didn’t throw him out of my office or lose my temper. I smiled and told him to recheck his numbers. And this morning when he walked by my office I gave him a big, “Morning, Alfred!”

He didn’t reply.