It turns out that Kevin Costner, of wooden actor fame, was the one who was masturbating at St. Andrews.

Allegedly, Costner was on his honeymoon with his new wife when he went for a massage, decided to take the towel off, and manually released himself in front of the masseuse. Since this was a high end place and not a Bangkok brothel, the masseuse was mortified. She complained to her superiors and was sacked.

I continue to be amazed at what famous people think they can get away with. Shit, most of the time they DO get away with anything they want.

Some of you may remember Costner from the film Waterworld. I remember him as that terribly wooden actor who speaks in a monotone voice with absolutely no dynamics or apparent acting talent. Possibly the most boring actor in American history.

Well, let’s go ahead and add him to the list of public wankers. You know it wasn’t the first time he’s done it. He’s probably masturbated up and down Sunset Boulevard. Restaurants, night clubs, boutiques—the whole shebang.

I have to add that when I was on my honeymoon, the last thing on my mind was masturbating in front of a strange woman. I preferred to do it in the hotel pool in full view of everyone. But I kid. I’m a kidder.

I give the marriage another month.