So, we're living in this apartment building while we save for a house. It's not that bad - it's dirt cheap; it's in a safe, convenient neighborhood; it's got just enough room - we even got a first floor unit!
Well, it's all good until this bitch, evil whore, moved in upstairs. I swear to Christ she straps her refrigerator to a dolly and brings it down the stairs with her every damn morning on her way to work. CLOMPCLOMPCLOMPCLOMP.
'Course, I'm usually up pretty early for work so it's just a mild annoyance. The fiancee, on the other hand, tends bar til oh-dark-thirty and when that bitch starts dragging her Frigidaire or whatever down three flights of stairs at 7am, the old lady about has a psychotic break. She wants to set up a trip wire. Personally, I think that would be funny:
CLOMPCLOMPCLO[trip]WHAM clompflompblompshompaaaaahghgggaa...BANG!
The last bang being that damn side-by-side landing on the gelatinous pool of tissue and bone fragment that was her body. It's really unneccesary, the clomping. No one else clomps. The fiancee said "Well, the only reason we hear her is because she's obviously wearing some goddamn slutty ass, goldfish tank, platform heels. Skank." Never mess with a tired woman. They'll fuck ya' up.
Don't even make me tell you about the time she called me at work because there were landscapers outside our unit at nine in the morning. She was on the verge of committing war crimes.
I thought it was kinda sexy. All that passion. Hey, at least it's not directed at me this time. "Go ahead, baby! Kill 'em, kill 'em all!"
"Lillian! The bitch fell down the steps again!"
"Bunny fell down the steps! Bunny fell down the steps!"
"Go on, Eddie...Give your aunt Bunnie a kiss..."
"Lawd help me Jesus Christ Lawd help me Jesus Christ" all the way down the stairs.
I live in an apartment, shank, and I feel your pain.
However, I live on the 2nd floor and I'm the bitch clomping down the stairs.
No, actually, I'm very respectful of my neighbors but apartment living can be exciting.
Just last night, at only 8:30pm, I heard someone talking loudly in the parking lot.
I go out to my car a few minutes later and there are 5 police cars in the lot and 2 rednecks in handcuffs.
I know there's a good story there, somewhere.
We used to live in an apartment and the next door neighbors (very young black and white coupld,I mention that for a reason that he was black......) screwed on top of their lungs!I just got back from having the Burger kid and next thing I hear,after going to bed totally exhausted from days of no sleep,is them going "yeah baby!Deeper baby.....oh yes....oh....".....geez and some more shit I don't even remember!Trust me that was the LAST thing I needed after just coming back from the hospital.......
Since then,we called her "Squeekey"....and once you go black you'll never go back...her words (while fucking him).Yeah the walls were thin........VERY VERY thin.......
whatever you say jim.
Hey there's a point in there somewhere. Jim, isn't that from a Eddie Murphy stand up?