I received an email this morning from a dear friend who believes his house is haunted. He’s shaken up about the whole affair. I know this man and his wife pretty well. Intelligent people. Guy’s got a physics degree or something of that ilk. He’s a rational man, and what’s more, he’s one of the few people I know who are mentally stable.

Anyway, he described some incidents that are certainly extraordinary. I know the house well and it’s not very old and the things he described were intriguing.

The email went to out to a small group of friends and I was surprised to find that some of them now BLAME ME for the haunting. First of all, I don’t know that I believe in hauntings. I’m the rational type. Until it happens to me—then I shriek like a little girl.

First, one guy suggested all the Native American artifacts recently brought back from out West should be removed from the house. I don’t buy that, because these things aren’t shirts from the ghost dance nor are they from the Wounded Knee Massacre. They’re crafts the Indians make and sell to tourists.

Then I was outright accused.

“Secondly, I thought of Paul's powers of insight and foresight that he brought into your home one evening. His Tarot readings still stick in my mind, and if I'm still haunted by his predilections, maybe the spirits he raised that night are within your abode as well.”

Okay, I read some Tarot cards over there one night. I kept telling people it was just for fun. I don’t believe people can tell the future. I don’t believe in divination. I just had a real nice deck of Tarot cards. We’ll, that’s not entirely true, I’m interested in the artwork on the cards and what it represents, and I know the history of the cards quite well, and I guess you could say I know an awful lot about Tarot cards, spreads, readings, interpretations etc., but that doesn’t mean I believe in telling the future with little pieces of cardboard.

So I gave some readings one night and my friend got one that wasn’t so hot, but hey, it’s just cardboard, like I said. And you shouldn’t give those cardboard cutouts powers they don’t have. It’s all in the power of the mind, what you believe, self-fulfilling prophesies and what not. I’m simplifying all this…I mean the cards do have a purpose, but it’s not what people think. I didn’t conjure up any spirits, or invoke any souls from the great beyond——if they exist.

If you want to see high magik at it’s best, go to a Catholic mass. Classic invocation of the spirit, the incense, the bell ringing——that’s how to properly invoke yourself a spirit; they just happen to be invoking Christ, which they feel is a pretty good spirit to invoke. I imagine other folks go the other way and want to hook up with that guy with hooves. If there is such a thing.

Myself? I like to have fun at parties and sometimes the cards come out. By request. It’s fun. It’s even more fun with the lights low. But I’m not haunting anyone’s house by calling up spirits. And if I could, I’d probably call up Larry, Curly and Moe.

However, if my friend feels the place is haunted, I can help him out. I’ll be happy to go over there and flush out the spirits with a smudge stick. I have performed this operation in the past with success in an especially spooky place on the outskirts of a ghost town in Arizona, where all of us were shit-scared of some strange doings late one evening at a historic Inn.

I’m also a big fan of the Amazing Randi, who takes the shit out of fakers with gusto.

***Update***

I just got this email from my friend:

I hadn't thought about the Native American relics we brought into our home. Can spirits fly? I mean, on an airplane. Can they travel around with people? If the Brady Bunch has taught me anything, the answer to this question is yes. Remember when the Brady kids found that bad luck voodoo thingy? It followed each of them around.
I'm scared.