Update3: The lost entry from Flikka is up. Also finally awarded the participation points for this bear.
Update2: Second batch is up.
Update: First batch of answers in the extended entry.

I've got nuthin' so I'm stealing this from Tiffany:

Ask me 4 questions. Any 4; no matter how personal, private or random. I have to answer them honestly* and I have to answer them all**.

And just to make things lively I'll toss a point to each participant.

* Caveat: If I see the funny, I'm taking it.
** Caveat: Unless the answer requires breaking a confidence in which case I'll make up an answer in your voice to humorous effect.

From Flikka:
1. Do you have a quote that pretty much sums up your life philosophy?
"Any people that would give up liberty for a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety" - Benjamin Franklin

2. What did you think you wanted to do when you left school?
Party a lot and have lots of sex. It wasn't until years later that I realized how messed up that was. It should have been "have lots of sex" THEN "party a lot".

3. What movie scene brings tears to your eyes no matter how many times you watch it?
In Lilo & Stitch, near the end of the movie Stitch has saved Lilo and was then captured by the galactic cops. He's about to be taken away forever when he tells his captors about the humans he's with. "This is my family. I found it, all on my own. It's little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good." Gets me every time.

4. What's the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?
This is going to sound icky but it was probably my step mother and step brother. For our wedding gift my step brother gave us a room at the Marriot for the nuptial commencement. My step mom sent us off with mysterious boxes that were not to be opened until we were safely alone in our boudoir. Inside were hot red silk boxers for yours truly and something unmentionably delightful for Lovely Wife. That beat the hell out of going back to our apartment to feed the cat and walk the dog. Oh, that reminds me - honorable mention to my Mom for feeding the cat and walking the dog.

From Victor:

1. Have you ever petted a rat?
No, but I've fondled many other types of rodents and several weasels.

2. Why not?
Oddly enough, I've never come into close contact with a live rat. That excludes rats of the human persuasion, of course.

3. Which book or movie is your main guilty pleasure?
Red Dawn.

Shut up! Dozens of other people love that movie.

4. How does the LW feel about your having an unrequited crush on Helen?
You violated rule number 2. Twice in one blow. With a leading question! And looking for hearsay or conjecture, to boot. Damn, you'd make a fine trial lawyer.

From dafyd:
1. So...?
So what?

2. Really?
Possibly.

3. Why?
Because we like you!

4. WTF?
I know! I couldn't believe it either. I wouldn't have thought that was even possible with such a small fish. I guess the snooker cue gave enough leverage.

From diamond dave:
1. What is the correct orientation of a roll of toilet paper, hanging from the front, back, or sitting on the back of the toilet? Why?
From the front, of course. If you hang it on the back you could loose critical seconds doing the hand-over-hand roll. By hanging over the front you have the inherent advantage of the spin-and-tumble technique.

2. What is your most annoying pet peeve, the one you would cheerfully commit murder over?
Soft bagels. In Ilyka's words, these are the South's revenge upon the North. I agree.

3. Which of your children mimic your personality the closest, if they do at all?
Bacon, the number two son. Not only my personality but my habits as well. It's almost spooky. It also causes a lot of friction. You don't even know how annoying I am.

4. What was the first porno magazine you ever had a sexual experience with? How about porno movie?
It had to be a PlayBoy. Isn't it always a PlayBoy? Geez, it's so hard to remember. That was more than 7,000 whacks ago. Actually it was probably either the sex scene in Heinlein's book Friday or a lingerie advert. I was excercising my favorite muscle long before I had access to porn.

From Susie:

1) What nickname would you give to a daughter that would be in keeping with the boy's nicknames?
Baguette

2) Did you know there is a sequel to Underworld called Underworld Evolution coming out on Friday?
The one with the uberdelicious Kate Beckinsale in toe to throat skin tight black leather? I'm all over that.

3) Will you be seeing it at the theater, or wait for the DVD?
I'll probably see it on DVD. And that will probably happen a bit before most other folks see it on DVD.

4) Why hasn't Victor wished me Happy Birthday?
He's pouting because I wouldn't double his stealth point.

From Helen:

1) Who's your one secret but embarassing celebrity crush (i.e. you tell people it's Elle McPherson but actually it's Elaine from Seinfeld)?
The one I can see myself getting guff for is Anne Archer. I've had a crush on her since the late 70's.

2) You do know that despite that fact that skinny little Kate Beckinsale is bedecked in wet leather for Underworld Evolution, she's only doing it because she banged then married the director and he has inflated dreams, so thus the film is going to be an utter pile of rubbish, right?
I'm sorry. I lost you after "bedecked in wet leather".

3) How much wood chould a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Oddly enough, woodchucks don't chuck wood. They're a burrowing animal.

4) What the hell is a woodchuck?
Woodchucks, also known as groundhogs, are a ground dwelling rodent related to squirrels, porcupines and beavers.

From Paul:

1. What four books do you wish you had written?
The Bible. Do you know how many copies of this thing get sold? Fuck the Oprah book club. Second would be The Shawshank Redemption, proof that profilgacy in writing does not necessarily indicate a lack of talent. Thirdly, A Crown of Swords. Damn I wish I could write character development like that. Lastly, Ringworld. Not the best novel by far but a seminal work that has brought many people into the genre of sci-fi.

2. If you could personally dole out one, and only one, absolutely savage beating—who would be the recipient?
Only one? That's hardly fair, is it? I guess I'd have to go for Gilbert Goddfreid because he needs it more than any other human I can think of.

3. Have you ever been caught masturbating? (Who, when, where)
Ooh! Good one. This deserves its own post.

4. What is the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever had to purchase at the drug store?
Nothing, really. I've never had any weird diseases or needed any socially stigmatized treatments. I never had a problem with picking up ladies products either. To me that just says "Yo, I got a woman." I guess I was embarrassed about buying condoms when I was new to the game (since that's pretty common) but I can't recall it if I was.

From Rob:
1) At the Annual SBD get together the building catches light and you can only save one SBD blogger - which one and why?
Is this a trick question? Me of course!

2) On a more cheery note - if you could endow your kids with one (extra) quality to see them through life what would it be?
If you're talking super powers I'd definitely give them invulnerability. These kids are daredevils. I don't think we have any pictures of them where there isn't a bruise visible. We live in fear of Child Protective Services and keep the ER on speed dial. If you mean regular human traits I think honesty would be my number one choice. So much else in life hinges on that.

3) Where did you meet LW/Brat?
Online. It's #3 in this post.

4) In your opinion what's the best thing about life in the US?
The free donuts. Definitely the donuts. No, wait. The donuts would be number two. Number one is the preservation of my freedom to bitch about anything I want. Freedom of speech. That's where it's at.

From Dopple-G:
1. Have you ever awakened on a beach with no clothes on?
Yes, but it was in a different city than I started drinking in so it doesn't count. I obviously lost them during the teleportation.

2. Have you ever tired to punch your cousin in the face in a mall parking lot in the rain after ripping off his totally boss neck chain and hurling it across said parking lot whilst in a drunken state and feeling somewhat justified even though it meant having your favorite leather jacket thrown across the same parking lot?
Sort of. Something remarkably close to that happened to me except the necklace involved was really tacky.

3. Do you still have that leather jacket?
Yes.

4. Does it have water stains?
Those are from water? Thank God! I don't remember most of the rest of that night and I've always wondered.