I hate it when you say "Merry Christmas" to someone and instead of an equally friendly reply; you get a scowl and any number of possible condescending comments:
"Hmph. I don't celebrate Christmas."
"Whatever, it's all been commercialized anyways."
Some people will even frown and say they're Jewish. Which really confuses me, because being Jewish ain't all that bad, so what's with the frown? But I suppose that's a whole 'nother subject.
A few years back, I came up with my own retort to these folks: "Don't be a dick." Look, if someone comes up to you and says "Happy Cinco de Mayo", non-Mexicans don't scowl and say "Whatever. I'm from Wisconsin." No. You say "Hell yeah! Let's go get some Coronas!" Same with Octoberfest. Granted, I've got German lineage, but my friends still don the lederhosen, eat a bunch of brats, down some Hefeweizen, and occasionally wake up next to a member of the '76 Olympic swim team. Why? Because it's just a fun celebration.
And this applies to us all. I mean, if someone came up to me and was like "Happy Kwanzaa" I'd be like "Thanks." I might even say "Let's go sacrifice some goats!" Just kidding, you kwazee Kwanzaa kids. Oh Christ. At any rate, if someone wishes you a "Happy Whatever" and it's not a holiday you celebrate, try not to be a dick. It only makes you look like a dick. And nobody likes dickotry.
I've been wishing people Happy Hanukkah. Everybody's been saying, "Same to you." However, the moment I sense the slightest hesitation from anyone I'm ready pounce on them and call them an anti-semite.
I'm not Jewish, I just like to pretend to be. I don't think Hanukkah even coincides with Christmas this year, but I won't let something like that stop me.
However, I refuse to recognize kwanza. I'm all for my black brothers, but that shit was made up just a few years ago. That's like seriously celebrating Festivus.
Oh shit. We didn't do festivus this year! Completely forgot. Of course, I, for one, tend to air my grievances on a fairly regular basis anyway.
What if it's a really fucked up holiday though? Like "Happy slam your postman in the ass day" or something like that. I just can't see myself getting beyond shock and awe to return the festive greetings.
Hey, just because someone says "Heya Jim! Happy diddle your sister with a kitchen isntrument day!" to you doesn't mean you actually have to partake.
I mean, when someone says "Merry christmas" they aren't saying "Hey, why don't you come to church with me and get some Christ in ya." They're just being festive. Whatever they do behind closed doors with consenting adults and a roll of saran-wrap is their own problem.
Furthermore Jim, I think the whole 'slamming the postman in the ass' is strictly a Georgia thing. Says so on wikipedia anyways.
We do have cute postmen down here, that's for sure.