Alrighty then, since were fully immersed in your embarrasing house attire, I expect the story of how a pair of such hideous pantaloons came into your possession.

Yes, pantaloons. If any article of clothing ever deserved a pansy name like pantaloons, it would be those things.

I don't actually sleep in them.

A while back I had my appendix out. As I was recovering I was taking a shitload of prescription pills for the pain.

Now fast forward a year. One day I’m looking in my closet for a pair sweats and I see these things lying there on a shelf. I had never seen them before in my life. Naturally, I grab them, go find the old lady and give them to her.

“Are these yours?”

“No, they’re yours.”

“Where the hell did they come from?”

“You don’t remember?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“When you were in the hospital your mother flew down to see you.”

“I remember that.”

“She gave these to you.”

“I have no memory of that.”

“Well, you must have been flying pretty high because you wore them every day for a week.”

She swears it’s true, but I have no memory of getting or wearing these hideous things. Now they're my house pants.

And not for nothing, but I look pretty fucking good in them.

Now that's sad. If they were Spidey, or Batman, they'd be okay. But Snoopy?
Grow a pair, man!

LOL

Ummm Paul?
If you wear those outside to get a bottle. I"LL do what ever you want.

That's priceless. Or tasteless take your pick.

Back off Tiffani. I've got it taken care of. Thanks anyway.

Sorry...my bad.

Thank you for honoring my request. You are the best - now I can really laugh my ass off at the fact that you didn't take your wife up on that sweet deal... dang! You are a wimp. :) (Said in only the nicest way, of course)

See, though you generally understood the context, you may not have understood that she was serious... but you know her better than I do. :) Did you try anything when you got home??

I am officially turned on.

I'm not.

What has become of our Paul? First you ask for a new BMW then this? My husband came home with a new SUV one day and I didn't even blink. I'm sure you do look all hot in them but for God's sake man, go to Old Navy and get some manly jammy pants for 14.99. If you are still wanting to live on the edge, there are some red ones with gingerbread men on them.