I can't drop a deuce in any of the bathrooms at work except the one on the topmost floor.
The other bathrooms see lots of traffic; I can't concentrate or relax enough in that kind of environment to get comfortable enough to drop trow. I don't know if anyone of you out there has ever had to take a hurried shit, but they suck. There's nothing worse than being in a pressurized situation, having to coax a stubborn log out of your bum. It's the worst ever. So I can't use these bathrooms that have constant people going in and out.
The other bathrooms are much dirtier than the top floor units too. I think that's probably mostly due to the traffic thing; but they're also a little newer. And the ones on the top floor are the most spacious; with these big windows that look down over the city. A man can really relax and get some shitting done in there. It's peaceful. And that's what I need out of a good bathroom. Tranquility.
Don't get me started on pooping. I've got more rules than a high school assembly.
The worst are those guys who have no rules. They walk in carrying their newspaper, then grunt and groan and even try to hold conversations the entire time. That's taking multitasking too far.
I have no rules, I'm almost like an animal I could probably poop in the middle of an open field if the feeling was too strong.