Today is two for one!

INVESTING FOR YOUR RETIREMENT:

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

Continue in the extended entry for the rest of this humor and the second truly tasteless funny.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
It's called the 401 Keg Plan.

And to keep the humor truly tasteless...

WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST?

The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven.. which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"

Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes you hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs."

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now,Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God, I'm coming!" If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

The nun fainted.