The argument between the Creationists/Intelligent Design people and the Scientific/Many Pens in the Pocket community is a fiery and contentious thing. The battle is waged in the legislature, in school boards around the country and in uncountable online communities and their offline equivalent, Starbucks.
I always counted myself among the enlightened skeptics until this morning in the shower when I realized that there really did have to be something behind the design of the human body. There is one feature of the male body that is so perfectly designed for its use that the mere thought that it might have resulted from happenstance is simply ludicrous. One area that if it were even marginally different would have spelled the extinction of our race.
I speak of course of the male's lack of boobies. Imagine if you will a world where men had boobies. Men are unable to resist the draw of a boobie. We are genetically programmed to want to play with them (that's why they call them "fun bags" you know). We want to fondle them, jiggle them, wiggle them and squoosh them into a single virtual boobie with two nipples. Speaking of nipples, we have a serious fixation with manipulating those suckers too.
Imagine what things would be like if every man on the planet had a pair of boobies that they were allowed to play with at any time. No constructive work would ever be done. Meetings, already a bastion of inefficiency, would become a total farce as nobody would be paying attention except perhaps for a moment or two between sessions of fondling their boobies.
Sales of disposable razors would skyrocket though. Furry boobies are a major turn-off so most guys would be shaving their chests. That would of course add considerable time to a guy's morning routine. Not only the time spent shaving the boobies but the aftermath of the shaving itself. Seriously now, what do you think would happen when a guy was confronted by a well lathered set of boobies? Tardiness at work would be a huge problem.
It's obvious then that men don't have boobies for a reason. If the Creationists ever get a hold on this argument they'll easily win the whole debate.
"...a serious fixation with manipulating those suckers too."
Heh, suckers indeed.
"...If the Creationists ever get a hold on this ..."
True. I've never known a staunch creationist who made it to second base.
Of course, there are men who have boobies. In fact, I play poker with a guy that's got bigger tits than my wife. I know several guys who could benefit from "The Manzere."
True enough, as far as it goes, but the fact is that the novelty would eventually wear off. I mean, except for a couple of teenage years, most men are able to resist the urge to touch themselves all the time. Now, throw in the ability to have multiple orgasms, and I think that the whole equation changes.
"most men are able to resist the urge to touch themselves all the time"
Who's this guy been hanging out with? Although I do find it extremely difficult to type one handed; but you’ve gotta appease the thinking stick right?
speaking of bitch tits, I saw a dude today who was sweating right underneath his tits. Like, in the cusp of where tit meets chest, there were these damp spots.
It made me throw up in my mouth a little.
If I had a set of bodacious tatas, I'd probably spend all day seeing in how many directions I could get them to gyrate.
I wonder how the various gf's and lw's would get react when they catch us checkin' out some dude's tits.
A word to the wise - one must always pluck the hair from boobies and NEVER, EVER, EVER shave the boobies.
If you ask me.... you were in the shower waaaaay too long!
Good Lord, Jim. You wrote this for Harvey, didn't you?
I'm reading this thinking... I get to meet the man behind these thought processes in July.
You crack me up.