My New Years resolutions are a bit different from most people's. Like I explained last year I don't have a lot of interest in them. If something needs changing I change it when I recognize the problem. Plus, my inner reflection cycle tends to hit at around my birthday and not the end of the year (yet more proof of my inherent egocentricity).

Last year I made resolutions that were guaranteed winners. If I kept them that meant I had succeeded in keeping a resolution. If I broke them it meant I was actually better off personally. I like to play with a fixed deck don't ya know.

This year I'm stacking the deck in a different manner and my resolutions are absolutely genuine. They're just easier to reach than most others.

Baby steps. Baby steps.

In 2005 I resolve to:

1. Dance like a whirling dervish on crack when Osama gets his multiple 5.56 mm plumbum injections.


2. Laugh from deep in my belly when Michael Moore's next propaganda film crashes and dies at the box office.


3. Repeat #1 but with an Irish jig.


4. Say "I told you so" repeatedly and with conviction.


5. Assume a glassy eyed stare whenever a wingnut or moonbat opens his gob to emit vomitous rhetoric.


6. Maybe a little more #1 with a dash of extra #2.


7. Stop making numbered lists.


8. Change my mind about #7.


9. Eventually make those damned cookies!


10. Lots and lots of sleeping.

There. That's a healthy list of 10 resolutions. I am on the road to personal success and satisfaction now.

Feel free to chime in with your own in the comments. I must warn you though - if I get the impression that they are serious attempts at self improvement I will heckle you mercilessly.