If your sentence begins with any of the following, please consider whether there is an actual need to relate the information you are about to divulge:
Don't freak out or anything but...
I probably shouldn't say anything but...
Don't get the wrong idea but...
In fact, if the "but..." conditional is anywhere in the opening sentence of your anecdote you may want to rethink the necessity of speaking whatever is on your mind.
And if you should decide that your personal world will stop unless you divulge your mental gem please, please, please verify that there is nobody within earshot who shouldn't, mustn't or doesn't want to hear what you are about to relate.
Especially if that person is me.
And you are talking about bodily functions gone awry.
Thanks,
Jim
Also, you should add:
"I'm not a _____, but ..."
What happened? Someone relating a story about how you destroyed the bathroom?
I'll post that little tidbit tomorrow. I'm building suspense right now.
I can't wait to hear what happened. I'll just have to remember not to be drinking that tenth cup of coffee at the time.
::: waiting with baited breath :::
I have a coworker who constantly wants to talk about her colonoscopy. She also tells me about how she was diagnosed as having Crohn's Disease. She also tells me what Crohn's Disease means to her. She also showed me her new pills.
Fortunately, another coworker had to hear about her miscarriage. Fortunate because I am not that other person.