I'm pretty used to getting a couple of comments a week on the original Pimp My Ride post. What's surprised me in the past week or so are comments asking me to pimp somebody's ride and these comments are actually on Pimp My Ride posts that ridicule people for asking me to pimp their rides.

How.Stupid.Are.These.People?

As they didn't follow the established form and they commented on different posts I'll follow their leads and give some freeform responses.

Name: mikime jackson

mtv please pimp my ride my sitter have a old jeep she got for collage in it got no radio, the handle to the were you put it in park and drive is broken off, the back seats are kinda dirty, the air dont work, and the platic windows keep comming off. the zippers are to rusty so they wont zip up. please please please pimp my ride zip code xxxxx galevston 7200 xxxxxx lane apt#xxxx

Mikime lives in 'galevston', which I believe is in Texas. If anybody from Texas is reading here, please go smack Mikime in the head. Thanks.

Subject: Pimp a Jeep? Shit, Pimp yo Sistah!

Yo, Mikime! What up dog or dogette? (Sorry, I can't figure out if you gots a guy name or a gal name.)

I'm assumin that when you said 'sitter' you really meant 'sister'. I mean...shit...if you need a sitter than you ain't got no business getting down with the Xzibitinator. So, yo sistah gots a jeep and she's in college? Is she hot? Send me a picture of her. I love edjucated wimmin.

In fact, I'll make you a deal. You send me some nudies of that fine thang and I'll do you up a car.

Peace, out!
Xzibit

Number two suffers from the unfortunate delusion that anybody from the southern half of the United States is fluent in Spanglish.

Name: franklin nolasco

make my dream come true please please dream everyday seven day seven night please you are very specials in the hearth in my live dont miss no show pimp my ride my 1981 toyota corona waitingfor pink my ride profecional for ever 911my realname his franklin nolasco xxxx north xx st milwaukee wisconsin53216

my friend say my dream dont come true i say my dream come true pimp my ride make people dream true for love mexico saludos teveo todo los chowel travajo es unico dios los vendiga a todos ustedes mucho los quiere mucho chico y familiacuidate la virgencita guadalupe te cuide mucho y siempre true pinp my ride for ever my phone his 414 461xxxx home cell414 803 xxxx

Anybody know what the hell Franklin is talking about here? And when did Spanish become the official State language of Wisconsin? I swear I never hear anything like this when I watch That 70s Show.

Subject: No speako espanisho

What up Franken-dog? I couldn't catch most of what you wrote my homey. Xzibit likes the latin ladies but the only thing I speak besides the official language of the USA is the international language of love. Si vous voyez ce que je dis.

Envoyez-moi une image de votre mère et votre voiture et je pimpe il pour vous. Assurez-vous qu'elle est nue ou l'affaire est éteinte.

Maintenez-le vrai!
Xzibit

Ahh... It's been so long since I've been able to play with Babblefrench.

Our last one looks like a big ol' faker. The email address is from a government service and the sender claims to be a 17 year old girl. Also, the email name doesn't match the given name.

Name: dorianne
Email Address: louise@alamo.ihs.gov

I am 17 years of age and was hoping to get my brother's ride pimped. It's a 1985 Chevy K-10. My brother was a trouble maker and decided to get his life straight by joining the Marines when he was 17 years of age. Shelvin left before his own graduation. He is now 18 years old and is now stationed in Japan. It would be a dream come true if my son and i were to pick him up at the airport in his newly pimped out ride in November. My brother has spent many holidays away from home to serve his country and it would be nice if he got a chance like this because this truck was a gift for him, bought by my dad, who left when he was in the 2nd grade. Thanx.

Now that's a load of info! I'm sure I can get creative here.

Subject: WTF?

What up Dorianne? Or is it Louise like your email say? Tell me true right here - do you seriously have a brother named 'Shelvin'? Shelvin? What happened there? Momma give birth at Home Depot? Damn, that's a fucked up name.

Fuggedaboudit. We got more important things to talk about. You're a 17 year old momma? I think it's great that you're putting out and all but didn't you ever hear about rubbers, Baby? Or the pill? Or the sponge? Or as a last resort, the aspirin held tightly between the knees? Seriously, Doll - you need to wake up and smell the morning after pill, if you know what I'm saying.

Who the fuck says "17 years of age" anyway? Girl, you need to stop tryin to play me. 17 year old momma working at Indian Health Services. Right. Bite my shiny metal ass.

Here's what you do. Go and get yourself a piece of paper. Write "SNOOZE" on it. Get another piece and write "LOSE" on it. Get nekkid. Hold the Snooze over your fun bags and the Lose over your baby hole. Take a picture and send it to me. You do that and I'll forgive you for trying to bullshit me and I'll pimp a car for you.

Keep on keepin' on!
Xzibit

I haven't been getting any returns on the standard first letter anyway. Maybe this will shake things up a bit.