Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
July 31, 2004
Dog Soldiers
(Category: True Stories )

Let me preface this by saying that I love werewolf movies. Dopple-G hates them - they absolutely terrify him, and not in a good way. I freaking love them. I love werewolf mythology too. Canines are my favorite pet and wolves are by far my favorite wild animal. It's important that you know this background as it could color my review.

Let me also say that my very own chocolate lab just tried to kill me. I was walking to the computer to type this, beer in my hand. The evil creature intercepted me in the dining room, cutting directly across my path. I skillfully adjusted my beer to prevent foulage and stepped off to my right foot. Just past the point of no return the crafty beast turned in between my legs and to the right, neatly turning my ankle and sending me to the floor. I'm happy to report that I managed to throw my left knee out far enough that I could piston my beer hand and prevent bottle corruption and massive beer loss. Not that it matters a lot seeing as that particular carpet is getting cleaned tomorrow but it's the effort that counts.

And yes, my ankle hurts like a mother. It's important that you know this as it could color my review.

Dog Soldiers was a good movie. I mean good overall, not just as a horror movie. The acting was actually really good all around with the exception of that loser who played Captain Ryan the Special Forces jackass.

As far as horror movies go it was pretty standard. I didn't actually get scared at all during the movie but that's pretty much the way of things since Alfred Hitchcock died.

It did well for the spook-at-shadows afterward score. I thought it was going to be a non-register there as I'll normally get a crawly feeling while taking a piss with my back to the closed shower and I didn't get that at all from this movie. However, I just walked the dogs and when we got to the dark part of the street (my house is the ONLY house on my street with a street light) and Kota turned towards the woods and stopped dead and growled deep in her throat I nearly shit myself. Wait a second...lemme check here...yeah, that spooked the shit right out of me.

I recommend this movie for anybody who likes a "last man standing" pick-em-off-style movie, werewolves, general monster, armed conflict, small engagement army or general spooky popcorn movie.

My only major beef (excuse the pun - you'll see what I mean in a second) was a scene in the beginning of the film when the platoon of soldiers is at their campsite and a dead cow gets thrown on their campfire. They seem reassured and business as usual when they discover that the cow died of a natural attack (teeth and claws). Cows that die of natural causes do not generally launch themselves into your campfire. The entire troop should have freaked at this point because unless they missed a cherry picker or catapult in close proximity to the camp there's no realistic human way to hurl a cow into a campfire.

Except for that and the loser actor playing Cpt.Ryan a standard suspension of disbelief should pull you through this one.

Addendum. Sgt.Wells had all of the best lines in this movie and there were a bunch. Top three (all by Wells) were:

I am not breaking radio silence just cos' you lot got spooked by a dead flying fucking cow. (Part of the stupid cow scene described above.)

If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya. (Gratuitous violence quotes are my favorite.)

We are now up against live, hostile targets. So, if Little Red Riding Hood should show up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the bitch. (I've always despised Little Red.)

Posted by Jim | Permalink
Comments

Yep, Sgt. Wells rocked!

The last movie that actually scared me was (the original) Halloween--but I think that was more because everybody in the theater keep screaming, and every time they screamed, I'd jump...so I guess it was really the audience that scared me, now that I think about it, and since audiences are still scaring me daily (in my professional capacity) you can just ignore this sentence...

Posted by: Susie at July 31, 2004 11:37 AM

Jim,
you ever notice how your dog's eyes glowed a weird silvery green? Definite canishuman potential there. You do lock him up during a full moon don't you? Otherwise, your likely to come down stairs and find this strange man with chocolate brown hair, sitting in your favorite seat, scratching himself, using your remote, probably rooting for the wrong team, and drinking your beer.

Check between his knuckles. If they are furless, you know you have a canishuman on your hands.

Posted by: Rachel Ann at August 1, 2004 11:44 AM

I fricken loved that film. Even better is the cast commentary on the DVD - they just got the cast to sit around, watch the movie and get drunk!

Posted by: Rob at August 2, 2004 06:10 AM

Susie - For me it was a short in Steven Spielberg's Amazing Stories. This guy kept seeing somebody sneaking up behind him any time he looked into a mirror. Every time he looked the guy coming up on him was a little closer. I couldn't look into a mirror for days.

Rachel Ann - Actually she's a bitch so this could work out well. I like my women a bit on the hairy side...

Rob - Dang, I've got to go rent it again now. I usually check out the special features but I finished the movie so late at night I passed on it. Drat.

Posted by: Jim at August 2, 2004 08:04 AM

Rob, where'd you get your DVD? Mine only has a producer's commentary....

Posted by: Susie at August 3, 2004 10:56 PM
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