Melissa's been getting worried. I've been so involved in real life that Xibit hasn't had a chance to answer her back and she's been sending mails like there's no tomorrow. Now remember that the last thing we sent her was a mail saying that she needed to send me a picture with people, the car to be pimped and a sign saying "High on SBD". I lost the first two from her during the great mail deletion of 2004. They were pretty unremarkable and both contained a picture of the car without people holding the requisite sign. But she turned it around on the 25th with two identical emails:

From: davidirizarry72@someplace.net

subject: im real

this is me melissa i;m us my brother computer because mine is missed up so here is the picture u whated

The picture that I whated...er...wanted was attached and it was indeed the holy grail of this whole Pimpin' Punk'd theme. A picture of her adorable daughter (and her mens) holding a "High on SBD" sign!

Woo hoo! I rock so much I should require a permit and a variance for the noise ordinances!

I delayed mailing her back because I've been so busy with the new house and the move and all. Melissa is not one to be forgotten. Today I got a couple mails in rapid succession:

From: melissa

Subject: i'm real

sorry my computer is missed up my picture isn't going to u

Followed by:

From: melissa

Subject: i'm real

i'm sorry i'm trying to sead u my picture but my computer wont let me but
i'll keep on trying and yes i'm real i wont miss with u at all so let me try
again so bye

Melissa still wants to play but I'm so bloody busy now I don't have time to properly tease her along any more. I decided to cut her loose the way I used to break up with women; namely tell her I was going to be away for a few months and never call write to her again:

hold on girl. i got yo pic with yo mens an that sweet lil daughter o yos. sorry it took Xibit so long to git back to ya. i jest turned some of my stock options into a new crib. been offline while i move my self and my homeys and hos into the new Casa de Xibit.

we done shot the last show of the season already and we on break for the summer - that's why you be seein repeats o the show now. but i got yous in the selectors box for the first show o next season. the producers gonna have us back end of august so long as the show picked up again so spect a call round then.

keep on watchin Pimp My Ride, baby!

Xibit

I figured it would work well but unfortunately it only worked as well as when I used the technique to break up with women. That is, it didn't work at all. Mere moments after my missive went over the wire I received this:

From: melissa

ok thank u but i need to know if u got my letter that said that i live in
pottstown pa 19464 and if u cann't do my mens car thats ok.

So maybe those deleted mails had something more than I remembered. Anyway, we'll get rid of Melissa now instead of waiting for late August. It's the least I can do for my first successful Pimped Ride. We'll throw in a stickler that she's got to drive the beater down to South Carolina. That should do it.

no, baby. i dint get no letter wit yo addy in it. you sent that email or snail male? doan matter - we wont need that until we send the legal papers an disclaimers an waivers an all for the pimpin o the ride.

so you in pennsyltucky eh? y’all aint got no problem drivin down to south carolina for the show, right? if u doan think the car cant make it by itself we usually recommend renting a trailer.

keep on watchin Pimp My Ride, baby!

Xibit

I love saying "Pennsyltucky". I'm allowed to - I used to live in New York.

Will Melissa give up? Will she price out a U-Haul? Stay tuned to find out.