It's time to impart some of the pearls of wisdom we've acquired up to this point.

Get the paperwork requirements early. Late last week after we had signed our agreements and everything was set between us and the sellers we got a package from our broker. (A broker can be of great help in acquiring a loan at an excellent rate, helping to get you through special purchase requirements like HUD, FHA and VA and otherwise make the money side of house buying much easier.) The package from the broker had a stack of forms to fill out and sign and a list of papers and receipts we needed to provide within 24 hours. WTF? Granted some of these could not have been completed until after the purchase agreement was signed but the vast majority could have been gathered and/or filled out at any time if we'd known about it. Turns out this is a standard thing in the industry because brokers don't want to spend money on your paperwork if you aren't committed (in writing) to a house. They only make money if you get a mortgage. Insist on the list right away because you'll pull out hair trying to gather everything at the last minute.

Keep off of the bank account. My Mom wanted to help us by paying for our inspection and she also wanted us to get some nice housewarming things. She sent a check. We deposited it. BIIIIIIG mistake. You see, if there are any unexpected deposits or withdrawals the lender wants to know what they're for. They want you to PROVE what they were for. They need to know that you didn't just incur an additional debt or that you aren't paying on an undisclosed debt. This is a hassle, especially when you find out that it is needed on Friday evening and the closing is on Tuesday. And the check was a gift from your out of state Mom. And because it was from her credit union account and they have barely mastered paper processing and are terribly frightened of any terms starting with an "e-" so there's absolutely no way to get a copy of the canceled check. You end up having to forge your mother's signature on an affidavit saying that the check was a gift but take the time to write her name out a hundred times or so in order to get a smooth flow since you haven't had to forge it since you were in Junior High.

Ask for the world, their draperies and their pets. House Lady was really good here. She asked for absolutely everything we could think of and added some things we didn't think of. When you put that offer in the only way it can go is down. If you don't have things that can be cut off of it then you are not going to get some of the things that you really want/need. Plus if they're desperate enough you just might get their pets.

Don't ever think of skimping on an inspector and get a good one. Another place House Lady came through for us was hooking us up with an excellent inspector. Earl knew his shit and based on his inspection we had a long dozen things (actually it was a dozenty-three things) that we wanted repaired. Similar to the point above we asked for everything to be fixed, even stuff we really didn't care about. They gave us everything. He shoots, he scores! (There was an issue with one fix - a 30 amp fuse that didn't get placed but that was ultimately by my choice.)

---

So is house buying a pain in the ass? Yup. Is it stressful? Yup. Will it make you yell at your puppy for sticking her wet nose on your legs one too many times in the morning? Yup. But it'll be worth it when you pop open that bottle of bubbly on your first night there and then go shag each other rotten in your very own house.