For whatever reason, this post keeps attracting people who think they'll get their cars worked on if they leave comments on it. Go on, take a look. It's a single line post pointing elsewhere. I've commented specifically that I've got nothing to do with the Pimp My Ride show. They keep coming:

Name: Anthony

Whazzup Xibit, Hey I really like whatching the number 1 show Pimp My Ride it's da graetest. But anyways this message is for my dad because I really look up to him and he means alot to me, because he is always there to help me out and I would like to give him something in return by having you guys pimp out his old beaten down truck and make it into a really pimpin' machine. I'd really appreciate it so if you could write me back on how to enter. Peace out Dogg ( by the way we live in Wisconsin) Awesome show keep it up.

Now the ones before could conceivably be borderline functional. Maybe I hadn't been specific enough in my statement that I wasn't the ride pimper. Anthony has no excuses so he's going to be my first bitch. Hey, if I'm a pimp then I need bitches, right? Here's what I sent Anthony:

Subject: We wanna pimp yo ride!

Wazzup An-tone! Got your request askin how to enter. Surprise! You're already entered, bro. Took care of that for ya. In fact, you're one of the randomly selected finalists, how you like that?

The next step for you is to send in the graphx. We need pix of your Dads and his ride. We can do serious magic but we need the right ingredients, see what I'm sayin? Just reply to this email and attach a clear pic of the truck and another of your pop.

If the truck passes the eyeball test you go into the pot for final selection. If Dads don't have the teevee look we might need to pass on him. It's fo shizzle that you and Dads are tight but we're talkin ratings and all, yo. If he doesn't pass muster do you have a chica who could stand in as the truck 'owner'? Send in the pix on her too.

(Just a side note from me to you, bro - hot pants and halter tops go a long way towards 'winnin' this thang. Caint be a pimp ride wit no bitches, see what I'm sayin.)

Thanks fo watchin Pimp My Ride, bro. Keep it real!

Xibit

And look here! Another one came in, just as I was preparing this post:

Name: melissa quiles

Hi i wish u can pimp my mens ride because he worked hard and his car needs work he did some of the work on the car but he needs more help and hes the any one how is working to pay for rent and the bills and feedthe 3 kids and i wish i can pimp his ride that why i wish u can help me with that please thank u

What's Xibit got to say to little melissa?

Subject: If we pimp yo mens ride, what that make you?

Yo melis! Got yo note on pimpin you mens ride. Got to respect the hard workin man who needs some help finishin the pimp out. So we entered you in our daily drawin and you a finalist baby!

What happens next is we gots to see the goods. Answer back on this email and attach a pic of the car that needs pimpin and another of your boy. You soundin fly too so give us a look at ya and we'll put you on the show too.

(Just a hint for you, babes - the sayins "skin to win" and "SUYT" are there for a reason, see what I'm sayin)

Thanks fo watchin Pimp My Ride, baby. Keep it real, yo!

Xibit

Hey, like my pappy always used to say "If life hands you morons, make moron-aide". Updates will be posted as things happen.

UPDATE: Almost forgot! I also put in a fine print section on the emails:

All items sent to xibit@sbd.mu.nu (Xibit) become the sole property of Snooze Button Dreams and may be used in any nefarious manner that the proprietor wishes.