There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
If my ear was a cunt
I would fuck it

I received in-school suspension for passing this in a note way back in 9th grade.

You used the "C" word! Oooooh! Mrs. Felcher! Christine used the "C" word!

Seriously though, we don't say "chin" on this blog.

How about this one:

There once was a man from Bel-air,
Who was screwing a chick on the stair.
The bannister broke,
So he quickened his stroke,
And finished her off in midair.

throw an asterisk in there for me. I wasn't thinking of others. Hey, but I'm a chick aren't I allowed to use that word? I felt empowered all over. Now, if you were to say it, well that would be different. You are the male oppressor. Then again, I have never understood how it can be more acceptable to put *st*r*sks in place of letters, we all know what they stand for. How is it that the placement of the actual l*tters makes the word d*rty, but ch*n makes it l*ss offensive?

"They that wash on Monday
Have all the week to dry;
They that wash on Tuesday
Are not so much awry;
They that wash on Wednesday
Are not so much to blam;
They that wash on Thursday
Wash for shame;
They that wash on Friday
Wash in need;
And they that wash on Saturday,
Oh! they're sluts indeed!."

(I happen to wash on Sunday. I guess that makes me a real strumpet!)

*blame.

oops.

Oh, that's okay Christine. My sensibilities aren't offended. It takes a large hairy man in a speedo or a restaurant that substitutes "spread" for butter and doesn't tell you in order to really offend my sensibilities.

I've usually heard that last line as "If my ear was a pussy I'd fuck it". Either way gets the basic meaning across.

I like that one, Tiffany. Lovely Wife does laundry almost every day (3 kids, dontcha know). She's like an uber wench!

*Blam! *Blam! *Blam!

Here's one I wrote a few years back that still amuses me:

A horny inventor named Sands
Through misfortune lost both of his hands.
He invented a motor
With a soft velvet rotor
Which he promptly affixed to his glans.

The "finished her off in mid-air" thing reminded me of an old running ditty:

Tarzan and Jane a-swingin' from a vine
-(Tarzan and Jane a-swingin' from a vine)
Tarzan got Jane in a 69
-(Tarzan got Jane in a 69)
Jane lost her grip and down she fell
-(Jane lost her grip and down she fell)
Choked on his load and went straight to hell
Sing-a lo righta lay-o...

There once was a lad from Peru,
Who fell asleep in a canoe.
He dreamt that his cock
Was as hard as a rock
And he woke up all covered with goo.

there once was a man from batrass
whose balls were made from fine brass
when came stormy weather
his balls clanged together
and sparks flew out of his ass

there once was a woman from venus
whos body was shaped like a penis
she said to her man
when you take me in hand
you'll find theres no difference between us

there once was a hermit name dave
who kept a dead whore in his cave
when she started to smell
he said oh what the hell
look at the money ive saved

DVD to Pocket PC

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