No, I'm not talking about the infamous Singaporean animal masturbator, any of the worthies on WorstJob.com or even the guy who collects worms from cattle intestines. I'm talking about the poor S.O.B. who has to squeegee clean the holodecks on the Enterprise at the end of the day.
What? Don't tell my you thought that those things were really used for solving Sherlock Holmes mysteries or playing 1950's private dick, did you? Well, that last one maybe, but not in the penny dreadful tradition. The Federation doesn't use money. If people aren't working for a salary then they're working for the fringe benefits and that holodeck is like the #1 fringe in the universe. We're talking a room with total privacy where you can bring any fantasy to life, interact with it, touch it, have it touch you... No, these guys are not using the holodeck for Klingon calisthenics. They're diddling virtual Ensign Ro and getting a blow job from Virtual Troi while Virtual Krusher gives them a rim job.
The Enterprise has how many people? Like 8,000 or something? How many of those are single guys? How many are single gals who'd like a booty call with the Next Generation John Cusack? And how many of the involved crewpersons would still like to get it on with their partner plus Virtual John or Jane (plus a dozen of their virtual friends). And of those couples that are serving together, how many would pass up a seductive Rigelan beach or Green Martian eros party? Let's go extremely conservative though and figure 1/2 of the crew are aesexual, totally happy with their partner plus have no desire for fantasy sex, or are just not interested in "expressing" themselves. There are 6 holodecks, I believe. (Apologies that I have no exact figures for you - I'm not quite a geek enough to have such specific data available.) So there are about 650 people who want to wack off in each holodeck at any particular time. We're talking some extremely constant fluid excretion here. The holodeck ends each day with pearl floors and textured ceilings.
Which brings us back to the worst job ever: Cleaning up the holodeck at the end of the day. And you just know that the miserable guy doing it is wearing a red shirt.
(Kudos to Dopple-G)
I thought I was the only sick F to harbor those thoughts. What a relief to know I'm not alone!
And hey, it's like hundreds of years from now - surely someone would have invented a Excreta-Sucker 'bot.
Besides, the redshirts need to be available in case somebody needs to die in a hurry. Can't keep 'em tied up with a mop.
maybe they have a way to clean that up... i mean, there is water in the holodeck and you can get wet and dry off.. remeber on one of the star trek movies (generations) I think, they are on a ship and worf falls into the water...
Or maybe they use the transporter? Beam that spunk right off the ship. Or better yet - into a photon torpedo war head. Maybe that's what Worf means when he always recommends "a full spread of photon torpedos".
The GM1 mentioned that to me back when Next Gen first showed up and I mentioned I'd like to just live in a holodeck. He said I'd have to wear big rubber boots.
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