I had such a great time pretending there was an audience so interested in me that they were asking actual questions that I am continuing my self delusion with even more (in)frequently asked questions.

Q: How long are you going to do this (i)FAQ thing?

A: Until it bores me. Generally speaking that's how long I do everything including work, driving, sex, taking care of the fish tank, etc.

Q: Why do you use big words?

A: I don't use that many, really, but I have been known to use them on occassion. Here's the thing - The English language is gorgeous. We have the largest selection of words to use in the world because we take words from every other language in existence (and some languages that aren't). We combine words to make new words, morph words into new words, retire and rehabilitate words and generally do everything in our power to make English as difficult for a foreigner to learn as humanly possible. (Just ask Lovely Wife if you don't believe me.)

Let me put it another way. What sounds better?

1) Kate, whom we all adore, has a nearly perfect ass.
2) We adore the callypigian Ms. Kate.

#2 is much a much sexier sentence. Yes, it has a disadvantage because many people don't know what callypigian means but you don't have to be a cunning linguist to figure it out. Plus, look how concise #2 is. I've saved you, my dear reader, 4 entire words with that sentence! Let's try another one.

1) I can almost feel pity for the PLO when Meryl unshrouds their rancorous claims of revanche. But not really.
2) The PLO is a bunch of murderous thugs led by the worlds oldest terrorist and any chance of true peace in the Middle East is contingent upon the total annihilation of this group.

Now this one is a bit harder to choose a winner but that's mostly because they say totally different things. #1 is shorter and has cooler words though so we'll give that one the ribbon.

Q: How's the sex life?

A: Freakin' awesome! It's always been good but marriage year 5 has been exceptional and keeps getting better. Not sure why but if I had to guess it's because:

1) Lovely Wife and I are very much in tune with each other.
2) I dropped a load of fat. Lovin' is much better when you can breath during and after the pump and grind.
3) We're more rested. We finally have consecutive nights with no sleep interruptions due to screaming children.

Q: You're just bragging now, aren't you?

A: Yeah, but it's my blog so I'm allowed to.