1. What is the best or most sentimental vacation you have ever taken and why?
Last year Lovely Wife and I took the bairns to Chattanooga for a long weekend. We stayed at the Choo-Choo Hotel, rode the Chattanooga Ducks, took the Incline Railroad to Lookout Mountain, had a midnight horse carriage ride through downtown and generally just had a smashing good time. It was especially sentimental as we had gone the year before and not had such a wonderful time. That one was before Burger's surgery and his health problems put a pall on Lovely Wife and I and the kids picked up on it. This time it was just magical.

2. Which poses the next-what is the worst or most regrettable?
That first trip to Chattanooga qualifies.

3. If you could go back and change one decision or action that you made, what would it be?
I don't think I would change anything. Everything that I have done has led to what I am right now, today. You remember the old adage of "For want of a nail the shoe was lost, for want of a shoe the horse was lost, for want of a horse the knight was lost, for want of a knight the battle was lost, for want of a battle the kingdom was lost"? I believe pretty firmly in causality and would not tamper with what has made me what I am today.

4. What are you most proud of in your life?
That's easy! Bear, Bacon and Burger.

5. What one memory from your childhood sticks out most in your mind?
I was about 6 or so. Big Bro was about 13 and Lil Bro was around 1. Big Bro was swinging Lil Bro up and down, doing airplane rides, etc. He had lifted Lil Bro up high above his head and both of them were laughing out loud. Then Lil Bro blew chunks into Big Bro's open mouth. It was the single funniest thing that I had seen in my life (and since then as well) and is probably the source of my wacked sense of humor.

6. What are your thoughts on homosexual marriage?
Nope. No way. You want to get married then you better have a round peg and a round hole involved. Oh, wait. That should be two round holes. No, wait again. Three round holes. Ah, shit. Let me start over. You better have one round peg, period.

I'm just funnin'. I don't think there's anything wrong with homosexual union. If two people love each other and want to commit to a life together then they should receive the legal benefits of that commitment regarless of race, religion, creed, sexual inclination, asshat status, etc. In fact, call any joining that's done outside of a church "Union" instead of "Marriage" and half of the opposition will go away.

7. What 3 laws would you change or enact if you had the power to do so?
1)Abortion - 3 strikes and you're out. After the third abortion you get the anti-baby implant.
2)Political Parties - Gone. A merit based system would be implemented. Candidates would compete to winnow the field to the top five and then we'd have the election.
3)Fallow Field Subsidies - This is when the government pays farmers to leave fields fallow. The gov would still pay the farmers but it would be to grow food. That food would then be the property of the government and could be distributed as foreign aid.