Normally Mondays are not heavenly. Normally they suck with the inexorable draw of a black hole. But not this Monday, oh no! This is the first Monday of football season. Not only is it the first Monday of football season but every single game had results that proved God is an armchair quarterback.

Buffalo mauls New England 31-0
New England was supposed to be the measuring stick that the new Bills would be measured against. They grabbed the measuring stick and used it to repeatedly bash Tom Brady over the head.

The Texans burned Miami 21-20
The underdog Houston team upset the 14 point favorites, thus becoming my second favorite team in the NFL this week. If you wish to know why any team beating Miami becomes my second favorite team you only need to know that my favorite team is Buffalo and has been since I was 3. Miami did rude things to the Bills for a goodly portion of my life. We hates them, my precious.

The Falcons crushed Dallas 27-13
This is important two ways. First, Atlanta is my adopted home team. I'll be rooting for them every game they don't play Buffalo. Second, we hateses the Cowboys. See the Texans blurb above for the reason why.

The Dawgs roughed up Middle Tennessee 29-10
I'm not a huge college ball fan. I spent most of my formative years up north in a city with no real college teams so I never caught the bug. But when in Rome do as the Romans do. When in Georgia, worship college ball or die. Luckily for me my adopted home has The Bulldogs, the best damn team in the SEC.

The Hornets embarassed Auburn 17-3
Georgia Tech is the "other" college team down here. They get my nod after the Dawgs. The Tigers were supposed to be the shiznit this year and started the season ranked #6. Even though they were blown out in their opener they were still ranked #17 and favored to beat Georgia Tech. Freshman QB Reggie Ball (yes, an actual freshman starting at QB) showed them why they were such idiots to withdraw a scholarship offer to him. Yeah, the QB they could have had has effectively ended their season in its second game. Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?