And they're right when they say that too. Why, just this morning I saw an elderly woman succumb while rocking back and forth on her front porch swing. The air was so humid she drowned right there on the spot. Dang.

... You're pretty sure the shit has hit the fan when:
You find yourself reading Marcus Aurelius...
It seems like maybe now is the time to sell the house and buy a Ferrari...
Sometimes you come home from work and want to hide in the bushes, waiting to ambush your mailman and slit his throat, the late sonofabitch...
You have to choose between RUDY FUCKING GIULIANI and HILLARY FUCKING CLINTON in a presidential election straw poll...
You can no longer trust a single media outlet. Not that such a circumstance is scary to you (because you're intelligent enough to know what's right) but because everyone else is too goddamn moronic to think about shit on their own...
Everyone just read the above sentance and agreed...