I see you're life being ruined very soon. Cat 5 misery within 2 years.

My vision is somewhat clouded on this issue, but I believe your child will kill you, on purpose, before your 40th birthday.

You die first and your wife remarries rich.

Your lucky numbers are: 9, 4 and 216.

Your weekend will include beer and a possible headache. Be sure not to get dehydrated.

As you know, all true fortunes can be read and still make sense when you tack "in bed" to the end of them.

These work pretty well.

I thought I wanted kids and then thought better of it. It's the difference between a Disney vacation and a Bahamas vacation.

I give your wife about a year before she makes the ultimatum.

Avoid Chuck E Cheese with a vengence.

You and the wife: joint suicide.

Who said you could make predictions, Irie?

Bill don't make me bitch slap you. Let's talk about your ass some more. It's much more interesting.