From the Spinster, because I love doing these little questionnaire things.

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My first name is my own and my middle name is the same as my grandfather's. Middle names are a tradition in my family - apparently they must be excessively odd. I've used mine as a party trick before. Plus, I think that the odd middle name acts as a humiliation tool when calling an aberrant child by thier first name.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Real men don't cry. They hold it all in and wait until no one is watching, then they kick a puppy.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Who cares. I can read it and you can't, that's all that matters.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Prosciutto is a great choice, but I also like salami. That fresh kind of roast beef that's still very juciy is also good too.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Only in the sense that I sometimes refer to my balls as 'my boys'or 'the step-children' (as in, "mind the step-children').

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
This is a great question, with a somewhat complicated decision tree. Firstly, it would depend heavily on which other person I was, or if I was just myself in the Back To The Future/Doppleganger sense of duplicate identity. If I was any other person, the decision of friendship would obvisouly be based on how badly I wanted to sleep with myself or gain other worldy pleasure from myself in the form of gifts and moochery. If I couldn't really see myself meeting any of those criteria for myself, I would probably not pursue friendship with myself; no. However, if we're referring here to the Back to the Future/Doppleganger theory, then I probably would. The benefits of having a 'spare' me would be too great for either of myselves to pass up; and we would immediately begin working on an agreement.

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Hell no, never.

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
According to HIPAA, I don't have to share anything with you that would be considered Private Health Information. The existence and/or location of my tonsils is information which I consider as such, and therefore I am not legally or contractually obligated to share with anyone.

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I've always thought I would, but the truth is I've never done it. Which probably means I wouldn't. This could just be a reaction to pricing, though. I mean, if it was $5 I'd probably try it. Well, if it was $5 and offered somewhere locally. And by locally I mean definitely not at a county fair or a boardwalk or something; I'd want to do it off a bridge or something. So if it was cheap, easy, and safe - I'd do it. Except that it's not. So...no. I won't bungee jump.

I have got to stop overthinking these questions.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
I haven't eaten cereal in a long time. In an effort to avoid being long-winded, I won't go into the cereals I used to eat, which ones I liked and disliked, and why I stopped eating cereal. Even though my first impulse was to do just that.

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Only the shoes I wear to the office.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
I could never bench more than my body weight (Hmm, although I was always good at squats and leg lifts); if that's what you mean. But when it comes to endurance, I can match just about anyone (professional endurance freaks excluded, of course).

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
I've kind of quit eating ice cream because I had a bad experience about six years ago. I had a milkshake for dessert, then went home and had a beer or two. It was literally a matter of minutes before the beer curdled the dairy, and the whole mess came right back out the way it came in.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
I'm not sure, becuase I'm a highly visual person. I like mannerisms, gestures, facial expressions, body langugage. The way people move is highly entertaining. But I also note lots of appearance items - the way clothing and shoes are worn, grooming, physical attributes. I've always loved watching how all those things come together; and people watching is something I do nearly all the time. Unfortunately, I'm so busy watching people that I rarely hear a word they're saying to me.

RED OR PINK?
I prefer a nice, red, 150-degree center on my beef.

WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My farts. They are horrible and I should go see a doctor, but doctors scare me more than the nosehair-singeing power of my own gastronomy. Seriously. If you don't believe me, I'll bag one up and send it to you. The scary part is they're getting worse.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Probably my mother, but I realize that it's not so much the people I miss most of the time, just specific times or events. I'm not sure if I'm explaining that very well.

WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Grey herringbone slacks and black leather shoes. I'm at work, so you caught me in an unusual state of dress.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Cracked Pepper and Olive Oil Triscuits. They're awesome!

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The sound of the air handler in my office, and the voices of a few co-workers in the office just outside my own. I know, it's odd that I don't have a radio at work to listen to music, but it's true. It's one of those things I keep telling myself I'm going to do, but I always forget to pick up a little CD player when I'm at the store.

IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
When I was a kid and people asked me what my favorite color was, I'd tell them blue; because it was my big brother's favorite color. Eventually I changed to red as a matter of diplomacy because he was getting irritated with me always copying him. But truth be told, I'd probably be whatever crayon my big brother would be.

FAVORITE SMELLS?
An engine running rich, sun tan lotion, magnolia, tomato plants, barbecue, anything being grilled, and many perfumes. I don't know the names of them, but sometimes a woman walks by and I'm just like "Rawr".

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My boss.

FAVORITE SPORTS?
I like football, but only about 50%-60% of liking football can actually be attributed to the sport itself. The remainder is made up of liking the social and culinary aspects of football. My favorite sports to actually participate in are things like body boarding, snowboarding, mt biking and the like.

HAIR COLOR?
Brown

EYE COLOR?
Blue. Sort of. They're not one solid color, and they change hues from time to time.

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No. Touching my own eyeball is not something I ever aspire to do, especially on a daily basis.

FAVORITE FOOD?
Pizza from The Mellow Mushroom, lemon rosemary chicken from the slow cooker, North Carolina or Georgia pulled pork barbecue, pickles, tomatoes, garlic, shrimp and grits, thick grilled tuna steaks.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
I'm not averse to horror flicks, but I prefer a happy ending to any of those sad, depressing, disturbing ones. You gotta be a real asshole to pay to watch a flick like that.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
I saw the Pirates movie at the theatre, and I can't remember what the last DVD was that I watched.

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Light blue.

SUMMER OR WINTER?
Both are great, and if I was forced to choose one it would probably come down to a really stupid, nit-picky reason. Plus, I think a lot of that comes down to where you live. Where I live, I prefer summer because winter's pretty lackluster. But when I lived in the mountains I loved both seasons.

HUGS OR KISSES?
How 'bout we just get makin' with the love.

FAVORITE DESSERT?
Cheesecake. Or beer, whichever is readily available.

I didn't send this to anyone, so I just copied Paul's answers for the following two questions. They're funnier than anything I could come up with.
MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
To genital caresses.

LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
To teeth on penis.

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
I just finished Cell by Steven King. I know, heady material.

WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
It's a picture of water, but there's all kinds of nasty shit stuck to it. It looks...almost as if someone's been... using my mouse pad as a duster or something. Wait a minute, who's been using my mousepad as a godamned duster?!

WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
Hells Kitchen. I noticed in the commericals that they're giving Gordon Ramsey another show wherein he goes around to actual restraunts and acts like a consultant to the owners. A consultant who calls them 'fucking brainless donkeys', 'bloody cunts', and 'stupid fucks'. I can't wait. That guy is like a miracle worker. He swears at people all night long, throws food back in their faces, makes a point to be sure that they understand that their worthless ("You're a worthless fucking donkey! Do you know that?" "YES CHEF!"); and then the next day the winners are happy to be spending time with him. Hell, some of the chicks think he's attractive. I don't understand how those morons can be attracted to someone who so clearly wants them to die in a fire.

FAVORITE SOUND?
I don't know if I could pick a favorite sound. There's tons of good ones, but I don't think any of them really stand out. I agree with Paul that a turbo is very distinctive, especially when equipped with a blow off valve; and it's a sound that always turns my head. But I can't really say that it's my favorite sound. I think I'm having a hard time with the concept.

ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
In a true testament to my generation, I really don't have an opinion. I think they're both great bands. Hell, The Wife has a collection of at least fifty Beatles albums. Hmm...I guess I'll pick the Stones then.

WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
I grew up in the military, so that depends on what you consider home. I guess it doesn't matter though, because I've never really been out of the country, and when I was, it wasn't very far from home at all.

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
This is going to sound assinine, but I'm intelligent. Not like the Ken Jennings/I know everything sort of intellect; but the Rainman/creative kind of intellect. I can look at problems and see solutions, and I can learn things quickly. I started taking piano lessons two weeks ago and I play at a level far beyond that. Of course, the downside is that when I lose interest or find a new problem, it's over; and for me that happens every other week or so. Unfortunately, this means I'm a man of many half-talents, but few of them are ever honed to what you might call 'special'.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Galveston, Texas.

WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
I'd love to see what Bill and Jim would say, and maybe I'll get The Wife to do one too. But considering the state of affairs, any response would be appreciated.