I guess I'm a little miffed that America didn't somehow manage to lift this tradition from the Euros. I mean, running around town dressed up like an NYC sewer rat on PCP, screaming in the streets and swatting butts with a stick? Jesus, that sounds like a hell of a great way to spread some Yuletide cheer!

Finally, a way to celebrate Christmas that doesn't involve ugly sweaters, tacky family photos, eggnog, fruity caroling, those hideous 'Family Newsletters' people insist on sending, or latently pedophilic icons. What, you're telling me you don't think Santa's just another covertly sexual commercial device hoisted on society by our capitalist overlords?

Just look at the silouette of the sleigh: A long column of reindeer, extending out in front of a man who, of course, totes around his very own giant sack. Oh yeah, and don't forget that he gains entry (in the dark of the night, no less) by plumbing the depths of your chimney with little surprises for your children. "Come here and sit on my lap, little one!" Indeed.