I expended a great amount of effort today working up various posts that revloved around making fun of John Kerry. I'd patch together a few ideas, stand back and take a look, then rearrange; eventually deciding to ball it up and start over again. I mean, there were just too many approaches; and I figured the blogosphere was already churning a few of them around. Then I realized that it was just all too obvious, too easy of a target. It's not exactly a ground-breaking revelation that politicians are morons.
The Wife and I have begun showing the apartment to people. We're finally moving into a home in a few weeks, and we've got to find someone to take over our lease. I mean, it's a great little apartment at an insanely competitive price; which is good. But cheap stuff attracts crackheads, and crackheads don't usually pass credit checks.
I can always recognize them when they call too. It sounds shallow, but in truth it only takes a short conversation with someone to figure out if they're mentally there enough to pass a credit check.
"Yeah, I'm calling about the apartment?"
"Great, it's got a blah blah blah, some blah, a blah in the blah..."
"Wow, sounds nice. I really need to find a place too."
"Well, you can come on by and check it out if you want. However, I fell like I should at least tell ya that the management company is going to want to run your credit when you apply. Not that it's anything to worry about, but I don't want to waste your time looking at an apartment if you don't feel comfortable with them running your credit."
"Oh really? Damn, that's crazy. See, cuz in my last apartment, in California before I moved out here; I had this crazy roommate. She actually burned the place down, and that's why I had to move out..."
I usually fall into a trace of "Mm-hmm"s and "Yeeaah"s at this point. Generally my concious mind will come up for air about the same time this person breaks into a story that resembles an episode of 90210 or something.
"...and I've been praying about it lately. You know, I wrote a letter to God and stuck it in the Bible, you know, cuz that's what they say to do..."
Dive! Dive! Dive! And I'm back in REM sleep. I mean, if your last apartment was burned to the ground and you've resorted to telling common strangers that you write letters to God; your credit can't be all that great.
You sure you don't want to just jump right in the muck with the rest of the Republicans scrambling to save their sinking party? C'mon... jump in.. the waters tainted and mud slinging is dirty..
It's like a cat that knows it's going to have a bath but damn it if it ain't gonna scratch and claw it's way down and make you suffer.
I really thought about jumping on the bandwagon, but then I was like "Fuck it. They're all morons."
My name is shank, and I approve this message.
I like to wait a day to see the pattern emerge. It is ALWAYS like this:
Moron: The sky is green.
Tuckfard: He said the sky isn't blue! He should take back what he said.
Moron: That tuckfard is attacking me. I will not take back what I said. Don't forget he rapes kittens!
Tuckfard: If that moron was a man he would take back what he said.
Moron: I take back what I said, not because I was wrong, but because it's really about the kitten rape anyway.
It's remarkably similar to the conversations our boys have every day. The big difference being that our boys get it done in a couple of minutes, aren't aped by thousands of talking heads and are ALL UNDER 8 YEARS OLD.
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