Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
September 29, 2008
Do You Know Why I Pulled You Over, Son?
(Category: Auto Blogging )

"Um, no; I sure don't officer."
"Well, it appears that last week you rolled through two stop signs, exceeded the speedlimit by 10 miles an hour on at least five occasions, and drove recklessly around corners. Here are your preprinted tickets, have a nice day."

Don't know how far we are from this type of scenario, but I can't imagine it's more than say...two years?

Posted by shank | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
September 26, 2008
Food For Thought
(Category: Friday Blogging )

From John Peterson's (R-PA) website, via PJMedia:

And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

Completely unrelated, but still awesome? Cars. Namely this one, this one, this one and this one. You mileage may vary. Oho!

Alright people, get out there and have a great weekend. Try not to think about collapsing global economies, LHC-triggered world-imploding black holes, nuclear brinkmanship, or Britney Spears' new album.

Everything's gonna be juuuuuust fiiiiiiiine. Inhale. Exhale.

Posted by shank | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
September 25, 2008
mm-HM. (Updated - BTF)
(Category: The Cage )

My (great)Uncle Johnny used to have this expression that he used, assumedly, as a catch all. Johnny new just about everything about everything. Growing vegetables, cleaning your sidearm, rebuilding a carbureator; all of it. He was an airplance mechanic in DubDub Two before there ever was an Air Force. I guess back then they were just known as The Badasses With A Set Of Sparkplug Sockets.

Anyways, whenever you would say something like "I planted grapes last year and I've still got nothin'."

Uncle Johnny used to go "mm-HM", and then fold his arms sort of thoughtfully. See, he knew that only those scrapply old Muscodines grow in the southeast. It would've been impolite for him to tell you that you're a dumbass. So he'd say "mm-HM" and after briefly scratching his stubbly chin with his thick calloused fingers, he'd steer you off to where you ought to be.

When Jen said that Bane had gone, I felt like saying "mm-HM." Bane used to comment a lot around here, and I could've sworn we did a "How Many Beers" with him, but I googled with no success. Add it to the list of things I should've done while I could've. Goddammit. "mm-HM" was where Bane existed on the spectrum of human emotion. While we were all chewing pseudointellectual cud and choking on diplomacy, he was spitting bullets and breathing fire. He actually said (blogged, wrote, whatever) aloud what we were all thinking while we were going "mm-HM."

Passion without a filter. A 527 in a Gremlin running with an open header. He was caustic, but you couldn't deny his drawing power.

Well Bane, if you're in Heaven - I hope they've got a shooting range. On the off chance you end up in Hell, call up one or two of your old favorites and shoot your way out. But try not to crack a smile while you do it. That might piss 'em off.

Here's to hoping you're looking out for us all. We could definitely use a gaurdian angel rocking a bandalero.

Continue reading "mm-HM. (Updated - BTF)"
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September 22, 2008
Handouts
(Category: The Cage )

So where I work, we have an set of ATM's in the food court. We're having this surprise lunch for one of the people in my office suite, so I went down there to get $20 to throw in for the take-out tab.

As I'm waiting for the machine to spit out my crisply-minted fiat currency, I realize that someone is approaching me. Maybe it's just me, but having someone walk up to you at the ATM is awkward. Is it just me? I mean, if it's a friend or something, then it doesn't; but this was an obscure acquaintance. I say 'obscure' because it's someone with whom I've had a, and I mean a single, brief, conversation; but we don't know each other by name.

Anyways, this person is mumbling, and I'm looking back and forth between them and the machine as I go about my business. I can't quite make out what they're saying, but they're definitely trying to communicate specifically to me:
"sdfa, sthsg ugurowelo, kljh?"
Hmm. What is it Lassie? What is it girl?
"weui, rtr wertllyurt a dollar..."
Oh. A twinge of sympathy. We wade deeper into awkwardness.
"...sdpog ritiwe bakesale?"
Oh you've got to be kidding me.

I finally figure out that this person is asking me for a dollar, so she can buy something at the charity bakesale that's set up on a table adjacent to the ATM.

Don't get me wrong, I do have feelings. And at first I felt bad for this person who had to beg people for money while they went to the ATM. At least it was a good tactic, hit 'em when they're going to the source. But the act stumbles in the prestige, right where it should be hitting me full force. A dollar? Motherfucker, I'm at the ATM. I have no money, and in a few moments when I do have money, I am not going to have any dollar bills.

So you want a dollar (first nail in the coffin) and you want it for...the bakesale? You want my money so you can spend it on something nonessential. Yeeaah.

No.

Posted by shank | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)
September 19, 2008
Ruminations
(Category: The Cage )

I'm sitting here at the kitchen table. It's a perfectly breezy evening. Around here, we get this 4 or 6 week window of time sandwiched between the sweltering humidity of summer and the crisp dryness of winter. The windows are open, and the slight evening sun does it's best to glaze through the puffy cloud cover; but after 3:30 or so it's ambient lighting at best. It's probably in the mid or high seventies during the day, and low sixties at night. The breeze blows almost all day long, and if you can stand the noise of the crickets, frogs, and birds; you can sleep with the windows open. Nature's air conditioning.

I'm thinking of all that's happened in the recent past, and how it belies the place I find myself in, here at the kitchen table. There was Ike, who kicked the shit out of Texas. Towns absolutely wiped off the map, people without power and water for what may be weeks; and worse. But where is that on my local nightly newscast? The talking heads are going on about our problem with rabid cats, or that a cement company wants to build a plant. WTF.

And then there's the economic news. It seems to me that the gloom-and-doomers have been heralding this day for at least a year. Stock markets climb a wall of worry. Americans are sitting on a sinkhole of debt. It's time to pay the piper. Well, believe it or not, somehow this bit of new became blurbworthy on my local innocuous newscast. Crammed for a few seconds between a peice on a reopened murder case and some guy who builds shrimping trawlers by hand.

And there's also the election. I won't go into specifics, but suffice to say I hope everyone's doing their homework; and I mean real digging. Read the sites you don't usually read, ferret out the partisan shit, and read the factual stuff. You'd be amazed what's lying under the facade of these candidates; and it seems we do really have to pick the lesser of two evils. I've decided not to talk politics with friends anymore, because there's one candidate I simply can't stand. The sad part is that the other one just makes me feel 'sort of' like I won't have to fear my government. This is making the local newscast. We're just enjoying the weather, I guess. Shit, the weather makes the news a couple times a day.

Where's all the in depth analysis? Report on the issues. Then report on the people and events driving the issues. Where are they why's? I don't give a fuck that the weather's going to be awesome tomorrow; I give a fuck about the stuff that really matters. How come I have to look that shit up, and you; as a news agency, the informers; only have to bring me rabid cats, cement plants, and the fucking weather?

Posted by shank | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
September 10, 2008
This is Above My Paygrade
(Category: Current Events/Pop Culture )

So there's this club of uber-nerds called CERN. I'm not sure why it's called CERN, because such an acronym cannot be derived from its full name; which is the European Organization for Nuclear Research, or Organisation Européenne pour la Recherche Nucléaire in pig latin. But I digress.

Anyways. This Coalition of European Research Nerds has built this thing called a Large Hadron Collider. If particle acceleration was NASCAR, the LHC would be the Texas Motor Speedway. A pretty good metaphor, since the LHC's main purpose is to act as a track around which nerds can watch subatomic particles smash into each other.

Well, they powered it up last night; and that was supposed to be the beginning of the end. The whole deal with this thing, according to the Chicken Littles, is that the experiments performed at the LHC will create black holes. Think of a black hole as the Michael Moore of gravitational pulls; it consumes matter at such a high rate that the vaccuum it creates as it gets larger and larger becomes inescapable. So you can see how the idea of such a thing being created at CERN would be cause for the Chicken Littles to worry.

However, the good news is two fold:
1) They won't start actually running the LHC until this weekend, so we have plenty of time to run up huge debts on Ferraris and mansions that we'll never have to pay for once the rift between matter and anti-matter is breached. Or something.
2) Since the LHC is located in Europe, we'll enjoy the sight of watching all of them get sucked in first. Hell, it should be televised. Maybe we can get ESPN to drop one of the college games and carry The LHC's Black Hole vs. The Known Universe.

Posted by shank | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)
Culture, Arts, and Entertainment
(Category: Cultural Friday )

Yes, yes. You see, here in the shank household, we are patrons of the arts; and we believe that the modern person should make every effort to expose oneself to all things cultural. We place the utmost value on taking in theatrical presentations, the opera, and orchestral concerts.

Which is why The Wife and I are heading to Charleston, SC this weekend to catch Ron White's show. Yep. Should be a real cultural event.

We've got a hotel near the convention center for Friday night, and then Saturday we're staying with an old friend who lives in the area.

I've never been to a big comedy show like this. Do they serve drinks? Are the drinks a ripoff? What about food? If I go to the bathroom, will the show be playing over a loudspeaker or anything? How awesome would it be if I could get a picture with him? Would it be as awesome as a post that consisted entirely of questions? Hmm? Would it?

Posted by shank | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)
September 09, 2008
Trees, Forest; For The
(Category: shankonomics )

Some interesting things have happened in the economy; macro and micro, in the recent past.

Oil continues its bearish trend on demand concerns and the strengthening dollar. As far as the dollar is concerned, I think we're seeing a confluence of factors. Firstly, the Euro-zone may have started to get a little worried about the power of the Euro. If it got too high, it would have exacerbated some growth concerns by hindering exports. Their central banks may be intervening a little to help weaken their currency to a preferred range. Secondly, I think many international investors look to the US for financial stability; for better or for worse. Our economy does seem to be more resilient on its face than many others; so some folks might be tentatively getting back in the water.

The government effectively nationalized Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac on Monday. Personally, I was suprised by all the enthusiasm (on Wall Street and in international markets) for this move; apparently they all read it as a stabilizing gesture. A very interesting turn of events, but not exactly a surprise; as those two organizations essentially have a promise from the Federal Reserve that they will exist into perpetuity. What happens from here is anyone's and everyone's guess. Literally; everyone is guessing. Hopefully we'll see some kind of hybrid setup where some mortgages are auctioned off and privatized while others remain on the federal balance sheet. At least that way the tax payers don't end up footing the bill. God and anyone who has ever heard of the budget deficit knows we've already been handed a pretty hefty tab. Thank you, government. Sigh.

Also- something interesting for you conspiracy theorists. Yesterday morning, someone mistakenly(?) re-released an article from '02 or '03 about the bankruptcy of United Airlines. This news hit the trading floor, and United's stock went from $11/share to about 99 cents per share in mere minutes. With about 126 million shares outstanding, this represented a loss of roughly $1 billion. Trading on the floor was halted at this level. Once people started to see that the media release was in error, trading was reopened and by early afternoon the stock value was back up in the $10-$11 range. Everything's hunky dory right? I mean, if I held my shares yesterday, it was just an average trading day? Well, yes and no.

The sleight of hand here is in the shares that were traded. Let's say you've got 1000 shares ($11000) at 8am. The market opens, you're at work, things go down the shitter and your sell limit kicks in at $6. You've just lost $5000, and you won't know it until you get home that evening; or possibly later. Now, say a day trader or hedge fund sees this going on as it's happenening, and decides to take a gamble at 99 cents per share, and buys up everything possible before trading is shut down. Let's just guess that they were able to invest $5000 (approx 5000 shares) before the door was slammed shut. Over the next few hours, the truth comes out, and trading resumes. The trader sells these shares in the afternoon for maybe $10 each, turning five grand into $50,000. Nice.

This situation, as you might imagine, has many people demanding the SEC look into who found and released this article, and what their connection is to the investment community. Did United push this out there through a company shill in an effort to drive the price down, so it could snap up shares and sell them later; generating a vast amount of cash for itself? Or was it one of the many powerful but teetering investment banks that did it, to help shore up losses in their real estate portfolios? Or, was it just a giant fuck up? Only time will tell, if ever. The facts as they stand now are that someone was buying at 99 cents; and whoever it was, they're probably feeling pretty good today.

Posted by shank | Permalink | Comments (21) | TrackBack (0)
Storm Update
(Category: Hurricanes '08 )

I didn't lose power. What I do lack is motivation to do any real blogging. Can't hook a generator up to that, can we? Oh well. The storm itself was actually pretty tame. I think it only came on shore with 70mph gusts. We got about five or six inches of rain, which was a welcome gift. Mostly we just sat around the garage with the neighb's, watching the storm and ratchet-jawing.

Posted by shank | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)
September 08, 2008
Post-Hanna Maryland Report
(Category: Hurricanes '08 )

Yesterday was a totally beautiful day. Cool, no humidity, and you wouldn't have known we had received over 4 inches of rain the day before, except for the occaisional blown-down tree that could be spotted as one drove around. The dog is back to normal: Claiming she hasn't eaten in minutes!

Shank has no North Carolina updates; I suspect he has no power.

Ted in Virginia reports nearly six inches of rain and some basement leaking.

Posted by Victor | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)
September 06, 2008
And from South of the Mason-Dixon line but still North of Shank...
(Category: Hurricanes '08 )

Victor here, reporting from Maryland & abusing rights given out by Jim many, many moons ago. Here's the report from Montgomery County, Maryland:

Rain. Lots and lots of rain and Nic reports a neighbor was out in this rain, poking around the foundation of his house. Poor guy.

I took the dog out for a walk and that was the fastest she's ever peed and pooped in her life. She's not real fond of the rain, either.

The rats are asleep in their cages and apparently don't give one of their own asses that Tropical Storm Hanna has decided to pay a visit.

I'm in the basement in my little corner of the house, converting cheesy 80's vinyl to MP3...snaps, crackles, pops, and one skip (so far) intact.

Oh, and I'm drinking a little beer. But unlike Shank's swill, I drank something Nic's cousin brewed a couple of months ago and just one of 'em made me rather numb. So either he's brewed it really strong or he's poisoned me.

If I'm not in the hospital in a few hours I'll switch to something better.

Posted by Victor | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
More Again
(Category: Hurricanes '08 )

The Wife is feeling better.

The stupid cat, however unfortunate, is still alive. God when will some wild beast take her away.

Winds are gusting, rain is not yet falling in steady patterns (for more than 10 minutes). I thought for sure we'd be getting pummeled by now, but apparently Hanna is a bigger bitch than we all thought.

That's right. You travelled thousands of miles just so my redneck ass could refer to you as a bitch.

And when/if Ike comes ashore (thank god in his now weakened state) we can all take turns making fun of mother nature. Oh come on, don't get sensitive. That's how we roll baby.

Posted by shank | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)
September 05, 2008
More
(Category: Hurricanes '08 )

Just getting bands of showers still. They're still predicting that she'll make landfall in my driveway, so I'll do my best to keep drinking the PBR. Of note: Wally World had enought bottled water to drown an army, but was completely out of cases of beer today. Welcome to the red state region.

Hanging with the neighb's right now, having a good time. The Wife is still knocked the fuck out. Worst migraine she's had since she was a kid.

Posted by shank | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)
Disaster Sets In
(Category: Hurricanes '08 )

Okay, so that's a little dramatic. It's more like "Party Preparations Begin".

The first squalls are beginning to pass through the area. If you've never been through a hurricane before, the first bands come through very fast, almost as fast as a car driving past your house.

The neighbors have stocked up on all the supplies neccesary for a low level Cat 1 storm (beer, batteries, scotch [DAMMIT, I knew I forgot something. Fuck. Oh well.], and beer). There's even talk of a mid-evening cornhole matchup. Don't really see that happening, but where there's enough PBR, there's a way.

Looks like Ike is firming up his plans to do South Beach; which I think won't be too bad. He's not a 4 like he was yesterday, and maybe passing over the islands will slow him down further.

The low pressure system is exacerbating The Wife's migraine tendencies. She just muttered something about how childbirth can't possibly hurt any more than this. She's pretty nauseous.

I'll post again later on.

Posted by shank | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)
September 04, 2008
Hannablogging
(Category: Hurricanes '08 )

Well shit:
hann9.4.bmp

The 'H' in the center of that dot on the coastline stands for 'House'. As in, "This is shank's house". Of course, Hanna is merely a dress rehersal for Ike, who's furthest (and thankfully most unreliable) forecast shows him making a northward turn before Florida. Ike's already a Cat 4:

ike9.4.bmp

Hopefully this will not be a 1-2 punch for us; but the truth is that if Ike makes landfall anywhere, it will be one hurricane too many.

Posted by shank | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)
September 03, 2008
I Love The Smell of Sterno in The Morning
(Category: )

hanna.bmp
UPDATED: Below the fold.
Well, the NHC's most recent cone runs right over my house. Which isn't really saying much, as that stupid cone has literally blanketed every coastline south of the Chesapeake at some point in the past two days. So yeah, I'm not exactly filling the root cellar or anything.

A lot of the public advisories I've read aren't calling for it to become anything more than a very slight Cat 2 storm; there just isn't enough ocean between her current location and the coastline to fuel any real growth. I'm glad for that, since a Cat 2 storm rarely does any more damage than, say, me after drinking a whole bottle of Lagavulin single malt. It's really just a whole lot of noise, pissing, and partying.

As the storm moves closer and develops further, I'll be able to make decisions on what preparations to make. If I stay, I'll attempt to live blog it on Friday night. Debating a drunkblog though, we'll see how it goes. The last thing I want to be when a limb comes through my window or crashes through my roof is fair to middling and three sheets to the wind.

Continue reading "I Love The Smell of Sterno in The Morning"
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