I'll never understand why some organizations choose their mascots. A mascot should stir admiration. It should be noble, but at the same time ready to dispatch it's competitors with extreme prejudice. Apparently, there are a few folks out there who didn't get the memo. To wit:
Blue Jays, Cardinals, Ducks, Orioles, and any other bird that is not a bird of prey. There's nothing about any of these creatures that rouses one's competitive spirit. Seriously, what kind of pussy runs onto the field screaming "GOOO RED-BREASTED PLOVERS!!"
Same with Beavers, Terrapins, or Turtles. Are these animals even carnivorous?
Inanimate objects are beyond stupid, and it is in this category that we find the most undeniably idiotic team mascot in the history of organized athletics: The Buckeyes. For a top seded football team, you'd think they might consider opting for a team mascot that's something other than a nut. Like maybe a fire hydrant. At least you could spray the shit out of someone with a fire hydrant. What the hell are you going to do with that nut? Bake some fucking cookies? Same goes for the Syracuse Orange. Seriously, I thought the term Orangemen was in reference to a group of transient northeastern citrus workers known for their ferocity and spirit in battle. Unfortunately, it's just an orange. Christ on a bicycle.
Notice here, that I haven't made mention of odd mascots. You know, the Tennesee Volunteers, the Purdue Boilermakers, the New York Knickerbockers. The thing is, at least these mascots have a locally relevant, historically significant story behind them. Unlike, say, the USC Trojans. Last time I checked, there was no historical record of a band of Trojan warriors settling in the greater Los Angeles area.
Clothing items. Seriously, if all you've got to be proud of are a pair of red or white socks; that's sad.
There's one that I just don't get though. The Crimson Tide. If that's a reference to the algal bloom that occasionally chokes aquatic ecosystems; that's fuckin' harsh. At that rate, it's only a matter of time before we have the Anaheim AIDS or the Cleveland Chlamydia. As sure as I am that everyone in Cleveland probably has chlamydia; I don't think it's something they'd opt to name one of their teams.
I'm a Buffaloanian...from Buffalo, that is.
Hockey... we have an inanimate object, but what's cooler than a Sabre? That's pretty cool.
Football... um, what is a Bill? I'm pretty sure they got the name from Buffalo Bill. That's dumb.
Speaking of mascots, the Sabres just changed their logo this year to the dumbest logo of all time. Go Buffalo.... :-(
The Wife is Buffalo born and raised. We've had several discussions about the Buffalo Bills. She said she thinks it's what they used to call buffalos back in the day; but I'd be willing to bet it's rooted in Buffalo Bill. So that's okay.
The Sabres, on the other hand, only narrowly escape ridicule because, seriously, if you're going to be an inanimate object what's cooler than a sabre? I mean, that's like naming your team the Chinese Throwing Stars, The Katanas, or the Battery Cable Nipple Clamps. They all instill the proper amount of fear in competitors.
OOOOh Shank my man...them are fightin words. Cleveland Chlamydia!! It's herpes !!! Get it straight.
You do know that I am from Cleveland...well San Diego actually but I have been living here for 17 years. I love it here.
But can you tell me what the hell the Cleveland Indians mascot is? You would think that it was the "Indian" but nooooo it's some Qbert kinda creature. It scares the shit out of lil' kids.
I'm surprised you missed my favorite:
The UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs
Seriously
The money quote: "...that the joy of participating is more important than winning." Imagine trying to work that into a fight, or, err, participation song...
I'm shocked that you didn't trot out the "Game Cocks".
Although they do get points for having all sorts of apparel that says "Cocks" on it.
They played the USC Trojans one year in the post season. All-time best sports t-shirt ever? "Your Trojans can't cover our Cocks."
But seriously, a fighting rooster is not to be fucked with. They have talons on the front and back of their legs, not to mention all the goddamned pecking.